{"id":8541,"date":"2020-03-10T20:13:27","date_gmt":"2020-03-11T01:13:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/circassiancenter.com\/tr\/?p=8541"},"modified":"2021-02-25T14:54:54","modified_gmt":"2021-02-25T20:54:54","slug":"bir-ermeni-daha-oldu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.circassiancenter.com\/tr\/bir-ermeni-daha-oldu\/","title":{"rendered":"B\u0130R ERMEN\u0130 DAHA \u00d6LD\u00dc"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

P\u0131nar Selek<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bir Ermeni daha \u00f6ld\u00fc…<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00d6l\u00fcm haberleri arka arkaya geliyor… Co\u011f<\/span>rafyam<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>z<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n \u00fczerine \u00e7\u00f6ken korkun\u00e7 karabasana dayanmaya \u00e7al<\/span><\/span>\u0131\u015f\u0131rken<\/span> geldi haberin. Katliamlar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n haberleriyle kahrolurken… Sava\u015f<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n duman<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>yla bo<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>ulurken… Tecridin d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcrd\u00fc<\/span><\/span>\u011f\u00fc<\/span> t\u00fcm varsay<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>mlarla bo<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>u\u015furken bir arkada\u015f elini omuzuma dayad<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> ve “bir\u015fey s\u00f6yleyece<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>im dayanacaks<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n…” Bakt<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m y\u00fcz\u00fcne. “Dayan<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>lmad<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>k ne kald<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> ki” dedim. Ama i\u00e7imden s\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc yalanlad<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m… Dayanmak m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>il art<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>k… Sonra arkada\u015f<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m k<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>s<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>k bir sesle “Nisan amca” dedi…<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Kelimeler bo\u015f. Bir uzun hava bir Ermeni ezgisi bir havar anlat\u0131<\/span>r belki o atmosferi. Hi\u00e7 haz<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>r de<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>ildim onu kaybetmeye… Kime haz<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>rd<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m ki? <\/span><\/span> \u0130<\/span>nsan sevdiklerini kaybetmeye ne zaman haz<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>r olmu\u015f?<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Kiliseye ko\u015ftum… A\u011f<\/span>layan kad<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>nlar… Suskun bak<\/span><\/span>\u0131\u015f<\/span>lar… “Yap<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>lacak bir\u015fey var m<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>?” Yok yok. Nisan yok.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Ya\u015farken k\u00f6\u015fe yaz\u0131<\/span>lar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>mda senden bahsetmemi istemezdin… “Ne olur ne olmaz bilmesinler bizim arkada\u015f oldu<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>umuzu, ac<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>mas<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>zd<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>r onlar \u00e7ok ac<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>mas<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>zd<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>r, g\u00f6zlerinden <\/span><\/span> \u0131<\/span>rak olal<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m ak<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>llar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>na gelmeyelim…” \u015eimdi bir\u015fey yapamazlar sana Nisan amca. Ne benimle arkada\u015fs<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n ne de Ermenisin diye… Bu y\u00fczden yaz<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>yorum.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Ben cezaevindeyken isimsiz mektuplar\u0131<\/span>n gelirdi. <\/span><\/span> \u0130<\/span>ncil\u2019den ayetler g\u00f6nderirdin. Sab<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>r \u00fcst\u00fcneydi \u00e7o<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>u. B\u00fcy\u00fck ac<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> \u00e7ekenlerin mutlaka \u00f6d\u00fcllendirilece<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>i anlat<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>l<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>rd<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>. \u00c7<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>k<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>nca senin dostlu<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>un en b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6d\u00fcl\u00fcm oldu.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

S\u0131<\/span>k s<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>k kiliseye gelirdim. Ellerin birbirine dola\u015f<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>r, kahve yapar ne bulursan ikram ederdin. Sonra birden dalg<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>nla\u015f<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>verirdi g\u00f6zlerin “buraya geliyorsun diye ad<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n k\u00f6t\u00fcye \u00e7<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>kmas<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n.” G\u00fcnlerce konu\u015fmak isterdin hi\u00e7 susmamak… “Sen s\u00f6yle ben yazay<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m Nisan amca” deyince g\u00f6zlerini kapard<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n “Hay<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>r ele ge\u00e7irirlerse vay halimize…” Uzakta da olsam herg\u00fcn arard<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n. “<\/span><\/span>\u0130<\/span>yiyim de kapatay<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m” derdin. Ama yolda birlikte y\u00fcr\u00fcmek istemezdin. “\u015eimdi sana bir su\u00e7 atsalar beni kullan<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>rlar. Ben Ermeniyim bunu unutma. Kendime de sana da zarar veririm.” “Biz k\u00f6t\u00fc bir\u015fey yapm<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>yoruz ki Nisan amca. Arkada\u015f olmak su\u00e7 mu?” dedigimde “sen bilmiyorsun ya\u015fad<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>klar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>z<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> bu nedenle anlam<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>yorsun” demi\u015ftin.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Kimdik biz? Kimdin sen Nisan amca? Su\u00e7lu muyduk? Bize bunca ac\u0131<\/span> \u00e7ektirenler bizde bu su\u00e7luluk duygusunu yaratmay<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> nas<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>l beceriyorlar? Niye yan yana gelince tedirgin oluyoruz? Senin gibi a\u00e7<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>k y\u00fcrekli bir adam<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n senin gibi hayat<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> ba\u015fkalar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck mutluluklar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>na adayan bir insan<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n su\u00e7u ne olabilir? Ermeni olmak. K\u00fcf\u00fcr haline getirilen bir kimli<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>i ta\u015f<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>mak. Ama senin as<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>l b\u00fcy\u00fck su\u00e7un \u00e7ocuklu<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>unun ve gen\u00e7li<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>inin tan<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>kl<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>klar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> unutmamakt<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>. Dersim isyan<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>ndan ka\u00e7<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>p Kayseri\u2019ye gelenleri anlat<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>rd<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n. Haklar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>nda \u00f6l\u00fcm ferman<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> \u00e7<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>kanlar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>. Kitap\u00e7<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> d\u00fckkanlar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> varm<\/span><\/span>\u0131\u015f<\/span>. Sen de cocukken oraya gidermi\u015fsin. Sonra birg\u00fcn onlar apar topar ka\u00e7m<\/span><\/span>\u0131\u015f<\/span>lar. Sen ve ailen t\u00fcm Kayseri halk<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> yerine sorguya \u00e7ekilmi\u015fsiniz. Aylarca topuklar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n \u00fcst\u00fcne basamam<\/span><\/span>\u0131\u015f<\/span>s<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n. Benimle y\u00fcr\u00fcmek o y\u00fczden zor gelirdi sana.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Nerede bir \u00c7erkes bulsan yan\u0131<\/span>ma getirirdin… Sanki karde\u015fleri kavu\u015fturmu\u015f gibi heyecanlan<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>rd<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n. Belki b\u00f6yle yaparak kendi ac<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> dindirmeye \u00e7al<\/span><\/span>\u0131\u015f\u0131<\/span>rd<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n. Kaybetti<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>in t\u00fcm dostlar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n soyunun sopunun ac<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>s<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>. Uzaklarda bir yerlerde k<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>z<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n vard<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>. Hep onun i\u00e7in endi\u015felenirdin. “Loto oynar, b\u00fcy\u00fck paralar \u00e7<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>ksa yar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>s<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>yla k<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>z<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> buraya getiririm yar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>s<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> da sizin <\/span><\/span> \u00e7<\/span>al<\/span><\/span>\u0131\u015f<\/span>malar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>za ba<\/span><\/span>\u011f\u0131\u015f<\/span>lar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc benim annem \u00e7ok ezildi onu ancak \u015fimdi anl<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>yorum anneme olan borcumu size \u00f6deyece<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>im” derdin… Tam da seni fahri \u00fcye yapacaktik… Nisan Amca… Yoksun…<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

B\u00fct\u00fcn paran\u0131<\/span> kimsesiz kalm<\/span><\/span>\u0131\u015f<\/span> ya\u015fl<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> insanlara harcard<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n. Kimine ila\u00e7 kimine ekmek kimine peynir kimine meyve g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcrd\u00fcn. Hepsi cenazene gelmi\u015flerdi.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Cenazeni g\u00f6rmeliydin. Kilise t\u0131<\/span>kl<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m t<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>kl<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>md<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>. Birbirini de<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>il sadece seni tan<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>yan y\u00fczlerce insan kendi kendine agl<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>yordu. Tabutun \u00e7i\u00e7ek tepesi oldu. \u00dcnl\u00fc biri de<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>ildin \u00fcstelik. Alt<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> \u00fcst\u00fc bir kilise bek\u00e7isiydin. Ne \u00e7ok sevenin varm<\/span><\/span>\u0131\u015f<\/span>. Beyo<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>lu\u2019nun delileri, \u00e7evre esnaf<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>, civardaki Ermeni cemaati, K\u00fcrt seyyar sat<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>c<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>lar ya\u015fl<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> ve kimsesiz kad<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>nlar ihtiyarlar… Amargili kad<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>nlar… Herkes senin i\u00e7in a<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>lad<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>. <\/span><\/span> \u0130\u00e7<\/span>lerinden en ya\u015fl<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>s<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n tabutuna e<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>ilip s\u00f6ylediklerini duydun mu? “Beyo<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>lu Beyo<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>lu olal<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> b\u00f6yle cenaze g\u00f6rmedi. Milyon dolar yatirsan bu cenazeyi yapamazs<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n. Sadece sana nasip oldu Nisan.”<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Annenin baban\u0131<\/span>n amcalar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc geldi akl<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>ma. Dedenin katledili\u015fi. “Her birimiz ayr<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> yere g\u00f6m\u00fclece<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>iz. Oysa bir k\u00f6y\u00fcm\u00fcz vard<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> bizim. \u015eimdi yok. Mezarlar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>z<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> bile ya<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>malam<\/span><\/span>\u0131\u015f<\/span>lar” derdin. Bu cenaze hepsi i\u00e7indi. Sanki toplu bir u<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>urlamadayd<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>k.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Ben de sadece senin i\u00e7in a\u011f<\/span>lamad<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m Nisan amca… Sen de \u00f6yleydin bazen g\u00f6zlerin dolard<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> sonra yava\u015f yava\u015f yana<\/span><\/span>\u011f\u0131<\/span>na bir damla ya\u015f akard<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> ben ise onda t\u00fcm d\u00fcnyay<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> okurdum… G\u00f6zlerinden d\u00fcnya akan adam… Sen art<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>k yoksun…<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Hat\u0131<\/span>rl<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>yor musun? Bir hafta \u00f6nceydi g\u00f6zlerin kan \u00e7ana<\/span><\/span>\u011f\u0131<\/span> y\u00fcz\u00fcn bembeyaz gelmi\u015ftin yan<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>ma “art<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>k yeter” demi\u015ftin… “Sen ne yapacaksan yan<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>nda olaca<\/span><\/span>\u011f\u0131<\/span>m…” “Bu sava\u015f<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> durdurmam<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>z laz<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m bizim ya\u015fad<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>klar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>z<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> Araplar ve K\u00fcrtler ya\u015fas<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n istemiyorum. Biz hepsinin kurban<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>y<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>z. Biz kesilirken hepsi su\u00e7 orta<\/span><\/span>\u011f\u0131<\/span>yd<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> ben su\u00e7 orta<\/span><\/span>\u011f\u0131<\/span> olmak istemiyorum.” Sana sar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>lm<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>s beyaz sakallar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span> ok\u015fam<\/span><\/span>\u0131\u015f<\/span>t<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>m.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Gittin i\u015fte. Oysa anlataca\u011f\u0131<\/span>n \u00e7ok \u015fey vard<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>. Hesapla\u015fmad<\/span><\/span>\u0131\u011f\u0131<\/span>m<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>z yok say<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>p inkar etti<\/span><\/span>\u011f<\/span>imiz tarihin ac<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>lar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>yla b\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc bak<\/span><\/span>\u0131\u015f<\/span>lar<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n. Kocaman a\u00e7t<\/span><\/span>\u0131\u011f\u0131n<\/span> g\u00f6zlerinle anlat<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>rd<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>n hepsini. \u00c7oktuk biz derdin. \u00dclkenin her yerinde ya\u015fard<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>k. Ama art<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>k yokuz.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Ke\u015fke olsayd\u0131<\/span>n<\/span><\/span>\u0131<\/span>z Nisan amca.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Ke\u015fke olsayd\u0131<\/span>n.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Pınar Selek Bir Ermeni daha öldü… Ölüm haberleri arka arkaya geliyor… Coğrafyamızın üzerine çöken korkunç karabasana dayanmaya çalışırken geldi haberin. Katliamların haberleriyle kahrolurken… Savaşın dumanıyla boğulurken… Tecridin düşündürdüğü tüm varsayımlarla boğuşurken bir arkadaş elini omuzuma dayadı ve “birşey söyleyeceğim dayanacaksın…” Baktım yüzüne. “Dayanılmadık ne kaldı ki” dedim. Ama içimden sözümü yalanladım… Dayanmak mümkün değil artık… 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