{"id":8597,"date":"2019-03-10T20:48:22","date_gmt":"2019-03-10T20:48:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/circassiancenter.com\/tr\/?p=8597"},"modified":"2025-08-21T23:35:17","modified_gmt":"2025-08-21T20:35:17","slug":"emi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.circassiancenter.com\/tr\/emi\/","title":{"rendered":"EM\u0130"},"content":{"rendered":"

Tolga Kaya<\/strong><\/p>\n

P\u0131narba\u015f\u0131\u2019nday\u0131m bir Cuma g\u00fcn\u00fc. Bir bayram\u0131n ertesinde, hat\u0131ralar\u0131n terkisinde, \u00a0yava\u015f yava\u015f Karsl\u0131 camine do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcrken biliyorum ki b\u00fct\u00fcn Uzunyayla buradad\u0131r \u015fimdi. Pazarlarda, al\u0131\u015f veri\u015fte, \u00a0camilerde, kald\u0131r\u0131mlarda, nas\u0131rl\u0131 elleri, temiz tak\u0131m elbiseleri ve kasketleriyle ve konu\u015ftuklar\u0131 kesif \u00c7erkesceleriyle doldurmu\u015flard\u0131r \u015fimdi il\u00e7eyi. Gere\u011finden fazla konu\u015fmazlar. Asla sesli g\u00fclmezler ve b\u00fct\u00fcn erkekler gibi ger\u00e7ek erkekleri severler; sessiz, \u00e7al\u0131\u015fkan, ailesine ba\u011fl\u0131, d\u00fcr\u00fcst.<\/p>\n

Emi, oradad\u0131r. Benim gelece\u011fimden habersiz beni beklemektedir. Cuma namaz\u0131ndan sonra h\u0131zla yap\u0131lan al\u0131\u015fveri\u015fle bir an \u00f6nce k\u00f6ye d\u00f6nme gayretiyle kim bilir hangi k\u00f6\u015fede dostlar\u0131yla k\u00f6y i\u015flerinden konu\u015fuyordur. H\u00fck\u00fcmet bu sene ofis a\u00e7mam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r ve o k\u0131s\u0131k mavi g\u00f6zleriyle uzaklara bakmaktad\u0131r. Y\u0131llar\u0131n verdi\u011fi yorgunlukla ama yenilmeden ve asla pes etmeden yokluktan, kaybetmi\u015flikten, yaln\u0131zl\u0131ktan \u00e7\u0131kmay\u0131 ba\u015farm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. O b\u00fct\u00fcn \u00e7ekilen \u00e7ilelere ra\u011fmen hala dimdik ayakta kalabilen halk\u0131 gibi dimdik ayakta kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Benim kahraman\u0131m olan amcam hepimizin amcas\u0131, \u00a0babas\u0131d\u0131r asl\u0131nda. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc onlar, \u00a0ger\u00e7ek \u015eeyh \u015eamiller. \u00a0Ailesini aln\u0131n\u0131n teriyle ge\u00e7indirebilen as\u0131l b\u00fcy\u00fck kahraman olan aile babalar\u0131d\u0131rlar.<\/p>\n

\u0130\u015fte orada, k\u00f6\u015fede, k\u0131sa boyu, a\u00e7\u0131k \u00e7a\u011fla ye\u015fili tak\u0131m\u0131, kasketi ve boyal\u0131 ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131yla durmu\u015f, dostlar\u0131yla bir \u015feyler konu\u015fuyor. Ona do\u011fru yakla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131mda g\u00f6r\u00fcyor beni. Sohbetini bitirmeden k\u0131s\u0131k g\u00f6zlerini ne\u015feyle a\u00e7\u0131yor birden. Beni g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne sevindi\u011fini belli ediyor bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131yla. O kadar belli ediyor ki, yan\u0131ndaki arkada\u015f\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7evirip Emin\u2019in bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 yere do\u011fru, yani bana do\u011fru bak\u0131yor. Hayat\u0131n\u0131 P\u0131narba\u015f\u0131 ve k\u00f6y aras\u0131nda ge\u00e7irdi, d\u00fcnyada, hayat\u0131n\u0131 ya\u015fay\u0131\u015f bi\u00e7imine imrendi\u011fim tek insan o. Sadece gerekti\u011finde Uzunyayla\u2019ya civar k\u00f6ylere gitmi\u015ftir o kadar. Bana \u00c7erkes olmay\u0131 sevdiren adam. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir \u00e7ocuk iken k\u00f6ye geldi\u011fimde, \u00a0\u00e7ocuklara \u00f6zg\u00fc hayal d\u00fcnyas\u0131yla bizim arabam\u0131z\u0131n alt\u0131nda Pembe Panter var dedi\u011fimde, o beni tahta tekerli ve art\u0131k soylar\u0131 silinip gitmi\u015f olan son Uzunyayla atlar\u0131ndan birinin \u00e7ekti\u011fi arabas\u0131yla evin arkas\u0131ndaki tepeye kadar g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde okula bile gitmiyordum daha.<\/p>\n

Babas\u0131n\u0131 kaybettikten sonra karde\u015flerine babal\u0131k yapt\u0131 ve evin b\u00fct\u00fcn i\u015flerini s\u0131rtlad\u0131. Boyu k\u0131sa ama y\u00fcre\u011fi b\u00fcy\u00fckt\u00fc. Bir karde\u015fini daha kaybetti ama ya\u015fama ba\u011fl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 asla de\u011fi\u015fmedi. Ya\u015fama sava\u015f\u0131nda halk\u0131 gibi inatla var olmaya devam etti. Bir karde\u015fini de o\u011flu gibi okuttu. \u00c7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131n hepsini evlendirdi. Sadece ka\u00e7an k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck k\u0131z\u0131na biraz \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc ama yengemin g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131yla affetti onu. Onu a\u011flarken hi\u00e7 g\u00f6rmedim. Uzunyayla\u2019n\u0131n topra\u011f\u0131 gibi serttir mizac\u0131. Bizim amcalar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n, onlar hep bir birlerine benzerler ac\u0131 kaderimizin bir birlerine benzedi\u011fi gibi. Onlar hep deniz kabu\u011fu gibi nas\u0131rl\u0131 elleriyle tarlalar\u0131na \u00e7\u00f6melip topraklar\u0131n\u0131 avu\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7inden ge\u00e7irirlerken \u00fcr\u00fcn i\u00e7in kayg\u0131lan\u0131rlar. Yani bizim i\u00e7in, k\u0131zlar\u0131m\u0131z, o\u011fullar\u0131m\u0131z, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131z annelerimiz, gelinlerimiz, halk\u0131m\u0131z i\u00e7in. Art\u0131k geldikleri topra\u011f\u0131 \u00f6zlemeyi b\u0131rakal\u0131 \u00e7ok olmu\u015ftur.<\/p>\n

Ellerini tuttum. Sar\u0131l\u0131p \u00f6p\u00fc\u015fmeyi sevmezdi. Onlar art\u0131k unutulmaya ba\u015flanan gelenekleri ya\u015fatan son gelenek\u00e7i ku\u015faklard\u0131. Ne zaman geldi\u011fimi sordu, birazdan Karsl\u0131 caminde Cuma namaz\u0131 i\u00e7in ezan okunurdu. Aptestim var m\u0131yd\u0131? Namazdan sonra bir yere kaybolma, dedi. \u00c7ok oyalanmadan k\u00f6ye \u00e7\u0131kaca\u011f\u0131z. Gelecektim de\u011fil mi? Hah tamam iyiydi o zaman, beni \u00f6zledi\u011fini bilsem de b\u00f6yle bana hissettirmesi ho\u015fuma gitti. G\u00fcl\u00fcmsedim bende.<\/p>\n

Art\u0131k b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc i\u00e7in sa\u011f kolu olan torunu Alican ile camiye giriyoruz. Arka saflarda arkada\u015flar\u0131yla birlikte otururken bizi g\u00f6zl\u00fcyor. Bize eliyle yer g\u00f6steriyor. Alican ile yan yana oturuyoruz. Di\u011fer yan\u0131mda kim bilir hanginizin amcas\u0131 ya da day\u0131s\u0131 olan bir Uzunyayla thamadesi ile ayn\u0131 safta yan yanay\u0131z. Ya\u015fl\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131z thamadelerimiz, amcalar\u0131m\u0131z, day\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131z. \u0130hmal etmeyin onlar\u0131. Torunlar\u0131n\u0131, gelinlerini yanlar\u0131n\u0131za al\u0131n ve gidin onlar\u0131n yanlar\u0131na. Birlikte namaz k\u0131l\u0131n, sohbet edin, y\u0131llarca \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131p didinmelerinin bo\u015funa olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6sterin onlara, sevindirin onlar\u0131. Siz gidemiyorsan\u0131z g\u00f6nderin \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 b\u0131rak\u0131n, tan\u0131s\u0131nlar, sevsinler onlar\u0131.<\/p>\n

Ben senin do\u011fdu\u011fun k\u00f6yde do\u011fmad\u0131m Emi, annemden \u00c7erkesce ninniler de dinlemedim senin gibi. Dedem \u00c7erkesce, \u00c7erkes massallar\u0131 da anlatmad\u0131 bana. \u015eehirde do\u011fmu\u015f, kendi halk\u0131na yabanc\u0131, kendi ana diline yabanc\u0131, kendi masalar\u0131na yabanc\u0131, bir \u00e7ocuktum ben. Senin sayende nereden geldi\u011fimi \u00f6\u011frendim, nereye gitmem gerekti\u011fini sen f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131n bana. Uzunyaylal\u0131 olmay\u0131, \u00c7erkes olmay\u0131 sen tan\u0131tt\u0131n bana. Ne zaman k\u0131zsam bu halka, sen akl\u0131ma geldin, sustum. Ne zaman ben \u00c7erkes de\u011filim desem, sen geldin akl\u0131ma, utand\u0131m. Sana lay\u0131k bir \u00c7erkes olamad\u0131m kusuruma bakma Emi.<\/p>\n

Camiden \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yoruz Alicanla. Herkes \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 Emi daha yok. Alican al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f, Emi\u2019nin \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f saatine. O her zaman b\u00f6yle \u00e7\u0131kar, diyor. Biraz \u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcyorum, art\u0131k onun camiden ne zaman \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilemeyecek kadar ondan uzak kalm\u0131\u015f olmak can\u0131m\u0131 s\u0131k\u0131yor biraz. Gurbet insan\u0131n i\u00e7ine yava\u015f yava\u015f s\u0131z\u0131yor demek ki, yava\u015f yava\u015f yabanc\u0131la\u015ft\u0131r\u0131yor bizi sevdiklerimizden. En sonunda \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor, d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f tela\u015f\u0131 ba\u015fl\u0131yor. Alican\u00b4a alm\u0131\u015f oldu\u011fu tavu\u011fu markette unuttu\u011fu i\u00e7in k\u0131z\u0131yor. Alican yald\u0131r yald\u0131r geri markete ko\u015fuyor. Taksici g\u00fcl\u00fcyor, amcama do\u011fru d\u00f6n\u00fcp; Alican\u00b4a k\u0131zma o olmasa ne yapard\u0131n, diyor. Emi yava\u015f\u00e7a g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u00fcyor, k\u0131zd\u0131r\u0131yor beni arada, diyor Uzunyayla \u015fivesiyle.<\/p>\n

\u00c7evresinde o kadar \u00e7ok insan var ki \u015fimdi, evin i\u00e7i torunlar\u0131ndan ge\u00e7ilmiyor. Ko\u015fturup duruyorlar evin civar\u0131nda. Yandaki bah\u00e7eden eve do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcyorum. 1955 y\u0131l\u0131nda yapt\u0131klar\u0131 yar\u0131 harabeye d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015f olan evin merdivenlerinin en basama\u011f\u0131na oturmu\u015f ineklerinin d\u00f6nmesini bekliyor. \u00dczerinde ah\u0131rda giydi\u011fi elbiselerle bu ya\u015fta hala \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor. Yan\u0131na geliyorum g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u00fcyor y\u00fcz\u00fcme. G\u00fczel oynad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 s\u00f6yl\u00fcyor, kom\u015funun bah\u00e7esinde yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z ufak d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden bahsediyor. Utan\u0131yorum, yok can\u0131m, diyorum utanga\u00e7 utanga\u00e7. \u0130neklerin geldi\u011fi tepeye do\u011fru bak\u0131yor. K\u0131s\u0131k mavi g\u00f6zlerinde yorgunlukla beraber hala ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131 sorumlulu\u011fun \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Bah\u00e7ede ba\u011fl\u0131 duran k\u00f6pekten, birazdan d\u00f6necek olan ineklerden evin bah\u00e7esinde d\u00f6rt d\u00f6nen torunlar\u0131ndan, bana gelinceye kadar her \u015feyden sorumlu hissediyor kendini. Ona bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m zaman, onun \u015fahs\u0131nda b\u00fcy\u00fck bir aile gibi ya\u015fayan Uzunyayla k\u00fclt\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fc, Adigeli\u011fi, Kafkas s\u00fcrg\u00fcn\u00fcn\u00fc, ya\u015fanan ac\u0131lar\u0131, sand\u0131klar\u0131n i\u00e7inde sedirlerin alt\u0131nda saklanan, elma kokan evleri, bana duydu\u011fu sevgiyi g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Biraz uzak kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in duydu\u011fu \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcy\u00fc g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015f ama art\u0131k geride kalm\u0131\u015f ac\u0131lar\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Art\u0131k soylar\u0131 t\u00fckenen y\u0131lk\u0131 y\u0131lk\u0131 atlar\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Kar f\u0131rt\u0131nas\u0131nda \u00f6l\u00fcm haberi getiren, yam\u00e7\u0131s\u0131na sar\u0131nm\u0131\u015f, at\u0131 so\u011fuktan donmas\u0131n, onu yerken \u0131s\u0131ns\u0131n diye verilen arpa dolu torbas\u0131yla gelen ve haber getirdi\u011fi eve girmeden kap\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnden haberini verip yine geldi\u011fi gibi h\u0131zla giden kara haber ula\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Selde bo\u011fulan sahibini mezar\u0131nda bekleyen at\u0131n hikayesini g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum.<\/p>\n

Birden kalk\u0131yor, gelen inekleri kar\u015f\u0131lamak i\u00e7in yan\u0131mdan ayr\u0131l\u0131yor. Art\u0131k aya\u011f\u0131n\u0131 rahats\u0131z etmeye ba\u015flayan nas\u0131rla hafif topallayan bu yetmi\u015flik delikanl\u0131 benim amcam. Benim kahraman\u0131m, hayatta en \u00e7ok sevdi\u011fim insan. Seni bir daha g\u00f6rebilir miyim bilmiyorum Emi ama ne olur benim i\u00e7in ve torunlar\u0131n i\u00e7in kendine \u00e7ok iyi bak\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Tolga Kaya Pınarbaşı’ndayım bir Cuma günü. Bir bayramın ertesinde, hatıraların terkisinde,  yavaş yavaş Karslı camine doğru yürürken biliyorum ki bütün Uzunyayla buradadır şimdi. Pazarlarda, alış verişte,  camilerde, kaldırımlarda, nasırlı elleri, temiz takım elbiseleri ve kasketleriyle ve konuştukları kesif Çerkesceleriyle doldurmuşlardır şimdi ilçeyi. Gereğinden fazla konuşmazlar. Asla sesli gülmezler ve bütün erkekler gibi gerçek erkekleri severler; 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