{"id":8657,"date":"2019-03-10T21:40:17","date_gmt":"2019-03-10T21:40:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/circassiancenter.com\/tr\/?p=8657"},"modified":"2019-03-10T21:40:17","modified_gmt":"2019-03-10T21:40:17","slug":"bozkira-bir-yolculuk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.circassiancenter.com\/tr\/bozkira-bir-yolculuk\/","title":{"rendered":"BOZKIRA B\u0130R YOLCULUK"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

Tolgay Kaya<\/strong><\/p>\n

Her t\u00fcrl\u00fc izini ald\u0131m ve yar\u0131n yola \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yorum. Evime geri d\u00f6n\u00fcyorum. Tatil i\u00e7in bile olsa yeniden kendimi ve kimli\u011fimi resetleyip, nereden geldi\u011fimi yeniden hat\u0131rlay\u0131p, yeniden kendim olmak i\u00e7in son 24 saat\u2026 Arabaya benzin koydum, araban\u0131n muayenesi i\u00e7in tekerleri de yeniledim dedi kankam. Ne zaman arabas\u0131n\u0131 istesem verdi ne zaman para istesem verdi, b\u00f6yle kanka kolay kolay bulunmaz.<\/p>\n

Yolcu listesini de g\u00f6zden ge\u00e7iriyorum herkes tamam, yola \u00e7\u0131kabilirim art\u0131k.<\/p>\n

Bir ne\u015feyle da\u011flar\u0131 tepeleri a\u015f\u0131yorum. Bolu\u00b4yu ge\u00e7ene kadar hi\u00e7bir \u015fey ilgimi \u00e7ekmiyor. Taa ki, Ankara’ya kadar. Bozk\u0131r ba\u015flay\u0131nca \u00e7evreyi de seyretmeye ba\u015fl\u0131yorum, ne yapay\u0131m \u00f6zlemi\u015fim bozk\u0131r\u0131. O biteviye uzanan sar\u0131 sonsuzlu\u011fu. \u0130nsan ye\u015filden ve maviden de s\u0131k\u0131l\u0131yormu\u015f demek ki. Hey gidi bozk\u0131r, hey gidi Orta Anadolu, hey gidi Kayseri bekleyin beni kollar\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131n bana, sar\u0131n sarmalay\u0131n beni, geliyorum\u2026<\/p>\n

\u0130\u015fte \u015fu g\u00f6r\u00fcnen Erciyes de\u011fil mi? Evet o, g\u00f6lgesinde do\u011fdu\u011fum \u015fehrim ve \u015fimdiki akl\u0131m olsayd\u0131 onu g\u00f6rmedi\u011fim hi\u00e7bir yerde ya\u015famay\u0131 akl\u0131ma bile getirmeyece\u011fim pi\u015fmanl\u0131\u011f\u0131m. Ondan ayr\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131m g\u00fcn geldi akl\u0131ma, babamla beraber k\u00f6\u015feyi d\u00f6nerken son bir kez bakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m evime, duyumsad\u0131\u011f\u0131m gibi son bak\u0131\u015f\u0131mm\u0131\u015f me\u011fer, hislerim beni yan\u0131ltmam\u0131\u015f ama bir g\u00fcn mutlaka geri d\u00f6nece\u011fim ve \u00f6lene kadar oradan ayr\u0131lmayaca\u011f\u0131m, bir g\u00fcn mutlaka\u2026<\/p>\n

Amma de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015f dedi babam Hac\u0131 Guz Beg\u00b4i kuca\u011f\u0131na al\u0131nca resimlerinden ne kadar da farkl\u0131, do\u011fdu\u011fu g\u00fcn gelmi\u015fti onu g\u00f6rmeye.<\/p>\n

Geldi\u011fi g\u00fcn \u0130stanbul\u00b4da gezerken yolda birden \u201co\u011flan\u0131 \u00f6zledim \u201c eve d\u00f6nelim dedi, dumura u\u011frad\u0131m, durup y\u00fcz\u00fcne bir bakt\u0131m. Hayat\u0131mda ondan sevgi s\u00f6z\u00fc duymam\u0131\u015f olman\u0131n \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla torununu \u00f6zledi\u011fini s\u00f6ylemesi yolun ortas\u0131nda ap\u0131\u015f\u0131p kald\u0131rd\u0131 beni\u2026<\/p>\n

Kayseri\u00b4ye annem i\u00e7in gelmi\u015ftim daha \u00e7ok, o daha torununu hi\u00e7 g\u00f6rmemi\u015fti ve kendini esir alan amans\u0131z bir hastal\u0131\u011f\u0131n pen\u00e7esinde ac\u0131lar \u00e7ekerek bo\u011fu\u015fuyordu. D\u00fcnya g\u00f6z\u00fcyleydi ve mutlaka g\u00f6rmesi gerekiyordu torununu, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben onu g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm her g\u00fcn ke\u015fke onu annemde g\u00f6rebilseydi diye hep kendi kendimi yiyordum. Sonunda kavu\u015ftular birbirlerine, sar\u0131ld\u0131lar, annem parma\u011f\u0131n\u0131 uzatt\u0131. Hac\u0131 Guz Beg de tuttu onu, b\u00fcy\u00fck bir merakla y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc inceledi annemin ve \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar atarak ko\u015farak gelip annemin bacaklar\u0131na sar\u0131lmak en \u00e7ok sevdi\u011fi oyun oldu gidene kadar\u2026<\/p>\n

Buraya kadar gelip k\u00f6ye \u00e7\u0131kmadan geri gitmek asla akl\u0131m\u0131n ucundan bile ge\u00e7medi. Babam ne gere\u011fi var, dedi. Evdeki ac\u0131yla y\u00fcz\u00fcme bakt\u0131 ama hi\u00e7 kimse yumu\u015fatamad\u0131 bendeki o k\u00f6y, amca, Uzunyayla ve \u00c7erkes sevgisini\u2026 Ac\u0131mas\u0131z, ate\u015f sa\u00e7an g\u00f6zlerimle karar\u0131mdan d\u00f6nmedim. K\u00f6ye gidilecekti i\u015fte o kadard\u0131\u2026<\/p>\n

Ancak \u00f6nce yap\u0131lmas\u0131 gereken bir i\u015f var. O da \u015fehri gezmek tabii, kendi \u015fehrini bir turist gibi gezmek asl\u0131nda olduk\u00e7a zevkliymi\u015f, uzun s\u00fcre kal\u0131nca \u0130stanbul insan\u0131 fark\u0131nda olmadan de\u011fi\u015ftirir birde bakm\u0131\u015fs\u0131n ki. \u0130stanbul\u00b4a geldi\u011fin g\u00fcnk\u00fc sen de\u011filsin art\u0131k, ac\u0131mas\u0131z, bencil, kavgac\u0131, iyilik yapmaktan korkan, art\u0131k otob\u00fcslerde ya\u015fl\u0131lara yer vermeyen bir ucubeye d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015fs\u00fcn. On y\u0131ldan fazla \u0130stanbul’da ya\u015fayan bir adam\u0131 ya kald\u0131r\u0131p \u00e7\u00f6pe atacaks\u0131n, ciddi bir terapi uygulayacaks\u0131n ya da Anadolu’ya geldi\u011fi \u015fehre bir s\u00fcreli\u011fine geri yollayacaks\u0131n ki adam asl\u0131nda nas\u0131l bir insan oldu\u011funu yeniden hat\u0131rlas\u0131n.<\/p>\n

\u015eehrimi de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015f ve daha modernle\u015fmi\u015f buldum. Kayseri tam ya\u015fanacak bir \u015fehir haline gelmi\u015f. \u0130stanbul’da varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 duydu\u011fum \u00c7erkeslerin yeni a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131 kahveyi aramaya koyuldum ve \u00e7ok ge\u00e7meden de buldum tabi ki. Kahvenin \u00f6n\u00fcnde \u00f6nceden tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir a\u011fabeye rastlad\u0131m, ho\u015f be\u015f sohbetlerden sonra dernekler ve sorunlar\u0131 \u00fczerine konu\u015fmaya ba\u015flad\u0131k ben Kaf-Fed y\u00f6netim kuruluna yedekten se\u00e7ildi\u011fimi s\u00f6yledim ama bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc toplant\u0131lara kat\u0131lamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in \u00e7oktan y\u00f6netimden atm\u0131\u015flard\u0131r beni, diyerek eski dostumun omzunda a\u011flarken, o da Kayseri’deki dernek\u00e7ilerinde benim gibi sorumsuz i\u015fe yaramaz insanlar olduklar\u0131ndan dert yand\u0131, hay\u0131r madem gelmeyeceksiniz karde\u015fim \u00f6yleyse niye y\u00f6netime giriyorsunuz \u00f6yle de\u011fil miydi? Sonuna kadar hakl\u0131yd\u0131, \u00f6yleydi. \u0130n\u015fallah bu sene daha aktif olup kendimi affettirmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015faca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 s\u00f6yledim. Babam da ayn\u0131 soruyu sormu\u015ftu d\u00fcn gece, nas\u0131l gidiyordu federasyon \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131? G\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc televizyondaki diziden ay\u0131rmadan yutkundum. \u0130mkans\u0131zl\u0131ktan dolay\u0131 hi\u00e7 gidemiyorum baba, dedim. Zaten beni ald\u0131klar\u0131na \u00e7oktan pi\u015fman olmu\u015f, \u00e7oktan g\u00f6zden \u00e7\u0131karm\u0131\u015flard\u0131r. Su\u00e7umu \u00f6rtbas edip, su\u00e7u y\u00f6netimin anlay\u0131\u015fs\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131na atm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m ya helal olsundu bana. Aymazl\u0131\u011f\u0131n bu kadar\u0131 da yani pesti. Zaten ben yedek listedeyim baba -yani fasulyeden-. Su\u00e7u yine y\u00f6netime atmay\u0131 ba\u015farm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, beni as\u0131l listeye almam\u0131\u015flard\u0131 zaten b\u00fct\u00fcn su\u00e7 onlardayd\u0131. \u00dcste \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmenin rahatl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc diziden ay\u0131rmadan elimdeki elmay\u0131 \u0131s\u0131rd\u0131m\u2026<\/p>\n

K\u00f6ye ak\u015fam karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 basarken vard\u0131m. \u00d6n\u00fcm\u00fc zar zor se\u00e7ebiliyordum ve g\u00f6zlerimin art\u0131k iyi g\u00f6rmemeye ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan \u015f\u00fcphe etmeye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Tam k\u00f6ye yakla\u015f\u0131rken Av\u015farlar\u0131n d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcne rast geldik. Meydan\u0131 \u0131\u015f\u0131klarla ayd\u0131nlatm\u0131\u015flard\u0131 ve me\u015fhur K\u0131zlar Halay\u0131n\u0131 oynuyorlard\u0131. Arabam\u0131 yakla\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131m ve d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc seyretmeye koyulduk ki, bir gen\u00e7 arabaya yakla\u015farak i\u00e7ini kontrol etmeye ba\u015flad\u0131. Bir kad\u0131n ve bir bebekten olu\u015fan korkun\u00e7 su\u00e7 \u00f6rg\u00fct\u00fcm yakalanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u201dSadece seyrediyorduk arkada\u015f\u0131m\u201d dedim. Gen\u00e7 arabadan uzakla\u015ft\u0131 bende durup seyretti\u011fimiz i\u00e7in bin pi\u015fman olmu\u015ftum zaten.<\/p>\n

Sonunda amcam\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Bu sefer iyi g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyordu, daha bir sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131 geldi g\u00f6z\u00fcme. Yine sohbet imkan\u0131 yaratt\u0131m kendime, nas\u0131l gidiyordu i\u015fler? Ge\u00e7enlerde torunu Ali Can’la bu\u011fday ekili tarlalara gitti\u011fini ba\u015faklar\u0131n aras\u0131nda kayboldu\u011funu ama ne faydaki ucundaki denelerin \u00e7ok zay\u0131f oldu\u011funu yani bu senenin hayal k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131 oldu\u011funu s\u00f6yledi. O\u011flu Saim’den bahsettik biraz. Ekilen patateslerden e\u011fer dikkatli harcanmasa paran\u0131n k\u00f6yde bile yetmeyebilece\u011finden bahsettik. Televizyonda sunucu \u0130stanbul’un s\u0131caktan cay\u0131r cay\u0131r yand\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6ylerken amcam\u0131n k\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n getirdi\u011fi s\u00fcveterleri \u00fc\u015f\u00fcmemek i\u00e7in giymek bu co\u011frafyada ya\u015faman\u0131n me\u011fer ne kadar harikulade bir \u015fey oldu\u011funu \u015fimdiye kadar anlayamam\u0131\u015f oldu\u011fum i\u00e7in, kendi kendime k\u0131zmama yetmi\u015fti.<\/p>\n

Ben asl\u0131nda cennette ya\u015f\u0131yormu\u015fum ama fark\u0131nda de\u011filmi\u015fim. \u0130stanbul benim \u015fehrim de\u011filmi\u015f ve ben oraya ait de\u011filmi\u015fim. Ben bir bozk\u0131r kurduymu\u015fum ve damarlar\u0131mda sar\u0131 ve gri ak\u0131yormu\u015f me\u011fer kan\u0131m. Me\u011fer ben ne kadar \u015fansl\u0131ym\u0131\u015f\u0131m ama haberim yokmu\u015f. Bunu anlamak ve yeniden iyi bir insan olmak i\u00e7in bu topraklarla olan organik ba\u011f\u0131m\u0131 daha s\u0131k\u0131 tutmam gerekti\u011fini daha iyi anlad\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Bu arada bu tatilin benim i\u00e7in en g\u00fczel yan\u0131 da \u201cDay\u0131m Uuznyayla’da \u201c belgeselini \u00e7eken \u201cMole Bedri\u201d ile kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmak ve onunla sohbet etme imkan\u0131 yakalamak oldu. Ona \u00e7ekti\u011fi belgeselle beni kah a\u011flatt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kah g\u00fcld\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc s\u00f6yleme \u015fans\u0131n\u0131 yakalamak beni son derece mutlu etti ve bu belgeseli \u00e7eken AGA\u00c7E Zeki’nin de art\u0131k Kayseri’ye geldi\u011fini s\u00f6yledi, \u201dOnu da \u0130stanbul’dan kurtard\u0131k \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr\u201d dedi<\/p>\n

Evet \u0130stanbul’a en \u00e7ok yak\u0131\u015fan kelime san\u0131r\u0131m bu \u201dkurtulmak\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Tolgay Kaya Her türlü izini aldım ve yarın yola çıkıyorum. Evime geri dönüyorum. Tatil için bile olsa yeniden kendimi ve kimliğimi resetleyip, nereden geldiğimi yeniden hatırlayıp, yeniden kendim olmak için son 24 saat… Arabaya benzin koydum, arabanın muayenesi için tekerleri de yeniledim dedi kankam. Ne zaman arabasını istesem verdi ne zaman para istesem verdi, böyle 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