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Friedrich Nietzsche<\/b> NEDEN B\u00d6YLE B\u0130LGEY\u0130M \u00d6NS\u00d6Z II III IV \u0130ncirler d\u00f6k\u00fcl\u00fcyor a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131ndan, olgun, tatl\u0131 incirler… D\u00fc\u015ferken soyuluyor k\u0131z\u0131l kabuklar\u0131. Olgun inciler i\u00e7in bir kuzey yeliyim ben.<\/p>\n Bu \u00f6\u011fretiler de incirler \u00f6rne\u011fi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor \u00f6n\u00fcn\u00fcze, dostlar\u0131m: Haydi ballar\u0131n\u0131 emin, yiyin tatl\u0131 etlerini! \u0130\u015fte g\u00fcz \u00e7evremizde, duru g\u00f6k ve \u00f6\u011fle sonu- Tek ba\u015f\u0131ma gidiyorum \u015fimdi, ey \u00e7\u00f6mezlerim! Sizler de gidin art\u0131k, tek ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131za gidin! B\u00f6yle istiyorum.<\/p>\n Benden uzakla\u015f\u0131n, Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019ten koruyun kendinizi! Daha da iyisi: Utan\u0131n ondan! Belki sizi aldatm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r.<\/p>\n Kendini bilgiye adayan i\u00e7in yaln\u0131zca d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131n\u0131 sevmek yetmez; dostuna da kin duyabilmelidir.<\/p>\n Hep \u00f6\u011frenci kalan insan, \u00f6\u011fretmenine borcunu k\u00f6t\u00fc \u00f6d\u00fcyor demektir. Neden benim \u00e7elengimi yolmak istemiyorsunuz?<\/p>\n Say\u0131yorsunuz beni: Ama sayg\u0131n\u0131z devriliverirse g\u00fcn\u00fcn birinde? Bir yontunun alt\u0131nda kalmaktan sak\u0131n\u0131n!<\/p>\n Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019e inand\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 m\u0131 s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorsunuz? Ama ne \u00f6nemi var Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn! Bana inananlars\u0131n\u0131z, ne \u00f6nemi var ama t\u00fcm inananlar\u0131n!<\/p>\n Daha kendi kendinizi aramam\u0131\u015fken beni buldunuz. B\u00f6yledir t\u00fcm inananlar; inanc\u0131n de\u011feri azd\u0131r bu y\u00fczden.<\/p>\n \u015eimdi size beni yitirmenizi, kendinizi bulman\u0131z\u0131 buyuruyorum; hepiniz beni yads\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z g\u00fcn, ancak o g\u00fcn geri d\u00f6nece\u011fim sizlere…<\/p>\n Friedrich Nietzsche<\/p>\n Bu kusursuz g\u00fcn <\/span> –her\u015fey olgunla\u015fmakta, yaln\u0131z \u00fcz\u00fcm de\u011fil alt\u0131n rengini alan<\/span>–, bir g\u00fcne\u015f \u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 vurdu ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne: Geriye bakt\u0131m, ileriye bakt\u0131m, hi\u00e7 bu denli \u00e7ok, bu denli iyi \u015feyler g\u00f6rmemi\u015ftim bir seferde. Bo\u015funa g\u00f6mmemi\u015fim bug\u00fcn k\u0131rk d\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc ya\u015f\u0131m\u0131; g\u00f6memildim, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc onun i\u00e7inde ya\u015fayan \u015fey kurtuldu, \u00f6l\u00fcms\u00fcz oldu. \u201cT\u00fcm de\u011ferleri yenileyi\u015f\u201din ilk kitab\u0131; Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn T\u00fcrk\u00fcleri; Putlar\u0131n Bat\u0131\u015f\u0131, \u00e7eki\u00e7le felsefe yapma denemem,<\/span> hepsi de bu y\u0131l\u0131n, hem de son \u00e7eyre\u011finin arma\u011fanlar\u0131! Nas\u0131l minnet duymazd\u0131m ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcne? \u0130\u015fte b\u00f6yle kendime ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131 anlat\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n NEDEN B\u00d6YLE B\u0130LGEY\u0130M O zaman (1879) Basel\u2019deki \u00f6\u011fretim g\u00f6revimden ayr\u0131ld\u0131m; o yaz\u0131 St. Moritz\u2019de, k\u0131\u015f\u0131 da -ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n en g\u00fcne\u015fsiz k\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131- Naumburg\u2019da bir g\u00f6lge gibi ge\u00e7irdim. En alt noktam buydu i\u015fte: \u201cGezgin ve G\u00f6lgesi\u201d bu arada yaz\u0131ld\u0131. Hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcphe yok, biliyordum o s\u0131ralar g\u00f6lge nedir… Ertesi k\u0131\u015f, Cenova\u2019da ge\u00e7irdi\u011fim k\u0131\u015f, a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 bir kans\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n ve kas erimesinin nerdeyse gerektirdi\u011fi o tatl\u0131l\u0131k, o \u00f6zle\u015fme, Tan K\u0131z\u0131ll\u0131\u011f\u0131\u2019n\u0131 do\u011furdu. Bu yap\u0131t\u0131n yans\u0131tt\u0131\u011f\u0131 dupduru ayd\u0131nl\u0131k, g\u00fcle\u00e7lik, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce ta\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131, bende yaln\u0131z en b\u00fcy\u00fck b\u00fcnye g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fczl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcyle de\u011fil, \u00fcstelik en a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 ac\u0131 duygusuyla da bir arada bulunabilir. \u00dc\u00e7 g\u00fcn aral\u0131ks\u0131z s\u00fcren bir beyin a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131yla k\u0131vran\u0131rken, zorlukla salya kusarken, sa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131n daha iyi oldu\u011fu zamanlar d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek i\u00e7in yeterince da\u011fc\u0131, yeterince kurnaz, yeterince duygusuz olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u015feyleri e\u015fsiz bir diyalektik\u00e7i a\u00e7\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla g\u00f6r\u00fcyor, so\u011fukkanl\u0131l\u0131kla d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum. Diyalekti\u011fi -o en \u00fcnl\u00fc \u00f6rne\u011finde, Sokrates \u00f6rne\u011finde oldu\u011fu gibi- nas\u0131l bir d\u00e9cadence belirtisi sayd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 okuyucular\u0131m belki bilirler. -Anl\u0131\u011f\u0131n b\u00fct\u00fcn hastal\u0131kl\u0131 halleri, ate\u015f yap\u0131nca ard\u0131ndan gelen o yar\u0131 uyu\u015fukluk bug\u00fcne dek hi\u00e7 bilmedi\u011fim \u015feylerdir; bunlar\u0131n nas\u0131l \u015feyler oldu\u011funu, ne denli s\u0131k ortaya \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ancak kitaplardan okuyup \u00f6\u011frenebildim.<\/p>\n Yava\u015f dolan\u0131r kan\u0131m. Ate\u015fimin \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6ren olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Beni uzun s\u00fcre sinir hastas\u0131 olarak tedavi eden bir hekim, sonunda \u201chay\u0131r\u201d demi\u015fti, \u201cbozukluk sizin sinirlerinizde de\u011fil, sinirli olan benim yaln\u0131zca.\u201d Hi\u00e7 mi hi\u00e7 saptanmam\u0131\u015f bir yerel yozla\u015fma olmal\u0131 bende. B\u00fcnyedeki genel bitkinli\u011fin sonucu olarak sindirim dizgesinin a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 zay\u0131fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir yana, \u00f6rgensel bir mide hastal\u0131\u011f\u0131m yoktur. Zaman zaman tehlikeli olup k\u00f6rl\u00fc\u011fe yakla\u015fan g\u00f6z bozuklu\u011fu da kendinden olmay\u0131p, yaln\u0131z bir sonu\u00e7tur: Ya\u015fama g\u00fcc\u00fcmdeki her art\u0131\u015fla birlikte, g\u00f6rme g\u00fcc\u00fc de artm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r yeniden. Uzun, pek uzun y\u0131llar s\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr iyile\u015fip toparlanmam; bu s\u00fcre, ne yaz\u0131k ki ayn\u0131 zamanda bir tepre\u015fme, \u00e7\u00f6kme s\u00fcresi, bir \u00e7e\u015fit d\u00e9cadence \u00e7evrimidir.<\/p>\n B\u00fct\u00fcn bunlardan sonra d\u00e9cadence konusunda g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f ge\u00e7irmi\u015f oldu\u011fumu s\u00f6ylemem bilmem gerekir mi? Bu konuyu ba\u015ftanba\u015fa avucumun i\u00e7i gibi bilirim. Genellikle bu ince kuyumculuk, bu tutma ve kavrama sanat\u0131, ayr\u0131mlar\u0131 se\u00e7ebilen bu parmaklar, bu \u201ck\u00f6\u015fenin ard\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rme\u201d psikolojisi, bana \u00f6zg\u00fc daha ne varsa, hepsi de o zaman \u00f6\u011frenilmelidir; g\u00f6zlem yetisi yan\u0131nda g\u00f6zlem \u00f6rgenlerimin, her\u015feyimin inceldi\u011fi o \u00e7a\u011f\u0131n as\u0131l ba\u011f\u0131\u015f\u0131d\u0131r hepsi. Bir hasta g\u00f6z\u00fcyle daha sa\u011flam kavramlara, de\u011ferlere bakmak, sonra da tersine serpilen ya\u015fam\u0131n dolulu\u011funu ve kendine g\u00fcveni i\u00e7inden a\u015fa\u011f\u0131ya, d\u00e9cadence i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fcn gizli \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmas\u0131na bakmak, -buydu benim en uzun al\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmam, benim as\u0131l deneyimim. Olduysam bunda usta olmu\u015fumdur. Art\u0131k perspektiflerin yerini de\u011fi\u015ftirmek elimde benim, ellerim yeterli buna: \u0130\u015fte bu y\u00fczdendir ki, \u201cde\u011ferleri yenileyi\u015f\u201d gelirse anca benim elimden gelir. Hele bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcn: Dirim g\u00fcc\u00fcm\u00fcn en d\u00fc\u015f\u00fck oldu\u011fu y\u0131llard\u0131r k\u00f6t\u00fcmserlikten kurtulu\u015fum. Kendimi yeniden toparlama i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fc o yoksulluk, y\u0131lg\u0131nl\u0131k felsefesini yasaklam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 bana… Ayr\u0131ca yetkinlik dedi\u011fimiz asl\u0131nda nereden anla\u015f\u0131l\u0131r? Yetkin insan duyular\u0131m\u0131za ho\u015f gelir; her sert, hem k\u00f6rpe, hem de g\u00fczel kokulu bir odundan yontulmu\u015ftur. Kendine yarayan \u015feyden tat al\u0131r yaln\u0131z; yarama s\u0131n\u0131r\u0131 a\u015f\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 an tat almas\u0131 da, ho\u015flanmas\u0131 da biter. Zararl\u0131 bir \u015feyin ilac\u0131 nedir kestirir; k\u00f6t\u00fc rastlant\u0131lar\u0131 kendi \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131na kullanmas\u0131n\u0131 bilir; onu \u00f6ld\u00fcrmeyen \u015fey daha da g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc k\u0131lar. G\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc, i\u015fitti\u011fi, ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 her\u015feyden kendi pay\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131r i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fcyle: Ay\u0131klay\u0131c\u0131 bir ilkedir, pek \u00e7ok \u015feyi<\/span> geri \u00e7evirir. \u0130ster kitaplarla, ister insanlarla ya da y\u00f6relerle olsun, hep kendi \u00e7evresindedir: Se\u00e7ti\u011fini, sizin verdi\u011fini, g\u00fcvendi\u011fini onurland\u0131r\u0131r. Her t\u00fcrl\u00fc uyar\u0131ma kar\u015f\u0131 yava\u015fl\u0131kla, uzun bir kollaman\u0131n, istenmi\u015f bir gururun i\u00e7inde yer ettirdi\u011fi o yava\u015fl\u0131kla tepki g\u00f6sterir. Yakla\u015fan uyar\u0131m\u0131 \u00f6nce g\u00f6zden ge\u00e7irir; onu kar\u015f\u0131lamay\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmez bile. Hem kendi kendisiyle hem ba\u015fkalar\u0131yla ba\u015feder; unutmas\u0131n\u0131 bilir. \u00d6ylesine g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fcd\u00fcr ki, her\u015fey onun iyili\u011fine \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r. -S\u00f6z\u00fcn k\u0131sas\u0131, bir d\u00e9cadent\u2019\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131y\u0131m ben: \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc deminden beri kendimi betimliyorum.<\/p>\n III Bu sonuncusu gen\u00e7li\u011fini eski iyi Weimar\u2019da ge\u00e7irmi\u015f, Goethe \u00e7evresiyle ili\u015fkiler kurmu\u015ftu. K\u00f6nigsberg\u2019de tanr\u0131bilim profes\u00f6r\u00fc olan karde\u015fi Krause, Herder\u2019in \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnde kiliseler genel y\u00f6neticisi olarak Weimar\u2019a \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131ld\u0131. Anas\u0131n\u0131n, yani b\u00fcy\u00fck ninemin, \u201cMuthgen\u201d ad\u0131 alt\u0131nda gen\u00e7 Goethe\u2019nin g\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde ge\u00e7mesi olmayacak i\u015f de\u011fildir. \u0130kinci kez Eilenburg\u2019da kilise y\u00f6neticisi Nietzsche ile evlendi. O b\u00fcy\u00fck sava\u015f y\u0131l\u0131 1813\u2019de, Napol\u00e9on\u2019un kararg\u00e2h\u0131yla birlikte Eilenburg\u2019a girdi\u011fi 10 Ekim g\u00fcn\u00fc do\u011fum yapt\u0131. Saksonyal\u0131 olarak Napol\u00e9on\u2019un b\u00fcy\u00fck hayranlar\u0131ndand\u0131; belki ona \u00e7ekmi\u015fimdir ben de. R\u00f6cken b\u00f6lgesinin papazl\u0131\u011f\u0131na ge\u00e7meden \u00f6nce, birka\u00e7 y\u0131l Altenburg \u015fatosunda kalm\u0131\u015f, orada d\u00f6rt prensesi yeti\u015ftirmi\u015fti.<\/p>\n \u00d6\u011frencilerin Hannover Krali\u00e7esi, Prenses Konstantin, Oldenburg D\u00fc\u015fesi ve Prenses Therese von Sachsen-Altenburg\u2019du. Kendisini papazl\u0131k g\u00f6revine getiren Prusya Kral\u0131 D\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc Friedrich Wilhelm\u2019e derin bir sayg\u0131yla ba\u011fl\u0131yd\u0131; 1848 olaylar\u0131 son derece \u00fczm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc onu. Ben ad\u0131 ge\u00e7en kral\u0131n do\u011fum g\u00fcn\u00fcnde, 15 ekimde do\u011fdum; ad\u0131m\u0131 yak\u0131\u015f\u0131k alaca\u011f\u0131 \u00fczere, Hohenzollern adlar\u0131 olan Friedrich Wilhelm koydular. Do\u011fmak i\u00e7in bu g\u00fcn\u00fc se\u00e7i\u015fimin en az\u0131ndan \u015fu yarar\u0131 oldu: \u00c7ocuklu\u011fum boyunca do\u011fum g\u00fcn\u00fcm hep bayram g\u00fcn\u00fcyd\u00fc. -B\u00f6yle bir babam olmas\u0131n\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fck bir ayr\u0131cal\u0131k say\u0131yorum; \u00fcstelik bana \u00f6yle geliyor ki, ya\u015fam\u0131n, ya\u015fama o b\u00fcy\u00fck \u201cevet\u201d deyi\u015fin d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda, ayr\u0131cal\u0131k olarak ba\u015fka neyim varsa, hepsi de bununla a\u00e7\u0131klanabilir. En ba\u015fta, y\u00fcksek, ince \u015feylerle dolu bir d\u00fcnyaya istemeksizin girmek i\u00e7in biraz beklemem yeter, ayr\u0131ca niyet etmem gerekmez: Orada evimdeyim ben; en derin tutkular\u0131m\u0131n ancak orada a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kar. Bu ayr\u0131cal\u0131\u011f\u0131n bedelini nerdeyse ya\u015fam\u0131mla \u00f6demi\u015f olmama gelince, bu da hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcphe yok haks\u0131z bir al\u0131\u015fveri\u015f de\u011fildir. -Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcmden az da olsa, bir\u015fey anlamak i\u00e7in, belki de benim gibi yarat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmal\u0131 insan, -ya\u015fam\u0131n \u00f6tesinde olmal\u0131 bir aya\u011f\u0131yla… Prusyal\u0131 gen\u00e7 bir soylunun b\u00fct\u00fcn ta\u015fk\u0131n toylu\u011fuyla Wagner bata\u011f\u0131na -\u00fcstelik D\u00fchring\u2019inkine de- batm\u0131\u015f olan bu de\u011ferli insan, \u00fc\u00e7 g\u00fcnde bir \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck f\u0131rt\u0131nas\u0131yla de\u011fi\u015fivermi\u015f, birden kanatlar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kan ve kendi y\u00fckseklerine varan biri olmu\u015ftu. Ona hep yukar\u0131lardaki iyi havan\u0131n herkese b\u00f6yle geldi\u011fini, Bayreuth\u2019dan 6000 ayak y\u00fcksekte ya\u015faman\u0131n bo\u015funa olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yl\u00fcyordum, -ama bana inanmak istemiyordu… Gene de k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, b\u00fcy\u00fck bir s\u00fcr\u00fc k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fck yap\u0131lm\u0131\u015fsa bana, bunun nedeni \u201cistem\u201d de\u011fildir, k\u00f6t\u00fc niyet hi\u00e7 de\u011fildir; yukarda da de\u011findi\u011fim gibi, as\u0131l iyi niyetten yak\u0131nmal\u0131y\u0131m: Az alt\u00fcst etmedi ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131. G\u00f6r\u00fcp ge\u00e7irdiklerim, genel olarak o \u201cbencil\u201d olmayan d\u00fcrt\u00fcler denen \u015feylere, o s\u00f6zle ve i\u015fle yard\u0131ma haz\u0131r \u201ciyilikseverli\u011fe\u201d kar\u015f\u0131 g\u00fcvensizlik duymak hakk\u0131n\u0131 veriyor bana. Bunlar ger\u00e7ekte g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fczl\u00fckt\u00fc, uyar\u0131mlara kar\u015f\u0131 diren\u00e7 yeteneksizli\u011finin \u00f6zel durumlar\u0131d\u0131r benim i\u00e7in; yaln\u0131z d\u00e9cadent\u2019lar i\u00e7in bir erdemdir ac\u0131ma.<\/p>\n Ac\u0131yanlar\u0131 k\u0131nams\u0131yorum, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc utanmay\u0131, sayg\u0131y\u0131, insanlar\u0131 ay\u0131ran aral\u0131klar\u0131 sezme duygusunu kolayca yitirirler; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc ac\u0131ma bir anda o ayaktak\u0131m\u0131 kokusunu belli eder, g\u00f6rg\u00fcs\u00fcz davran\u0131\u015flara \u00f6yle benzer ki ay\u0131rdedilemez, -\u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc ac\u0131yan eller kimi zaman nerdeyse yok edercesine bir b\u00fcy\u00fck al\u0131nyaz\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n, yaralarla dolu bir yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n, bir a\u011f\u0131r su\u00e7 i\u015fleme ayr\u0131cal\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7ine kar\u0131\u015fabilirler. Ac\u0131man\u0131n a\u015f\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 soylu erdemlerden say\u0131yorum: \u201cZerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn s\u0131nanmas\u0131\u201dn\u0131 g\u00f6stermek istedi\u011fim par\u00e7ada, bir b\u00fcy\u00fck imdat \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 gelir ona dek, \u00fcst\u00fcne \u00e7ullan\u0131r sonuncu bir g\u00fcnah gibi, onu kendi kendinden cayd\u0131rmak ister. Burada \u00fcst\u00fcn gelmek, burada \u00f6devinin y\u00fcksekli\u011fini, s\u00f6zde bencil olmayan eylemlerin i\u00e7indeki a\u015fa\u011f\u0131l\u0131k ve k\u0131sa g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fl\u00fc d\u00fcrt\u00fclerle kirletmemek, i\u015fte bir Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn verece\u011fi s\u0131nav, son s\u0131nav budur belki de, -onun as\u0131l g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fcl\u00fck kan\u0131t\u0131 budur.<\/p>\n V VI \u00d6lme y\u00fcreklili\u011fi de\u011fildir bu her zaman; ya\u015fam i\u00e7in en tehlikeli ko\u015fullar alt\u0131nda ya\u015fam\u0131 koruyan bu yazg\u0131c\u0131l\u0131ktaki b\u00fcy\u00fck sa\u011fduyu, metabolizman\u0131n azalmas\u0131nda, yava\u015flamas\u0131ndand\u0131r; bir \u00e7e\u015fit k\u0131\u015f uykusu istemindendir. Bu mant\u0131kla birka\u00e7 ad\u0131m daha gittik mi, bir g\u00f6m\u00fct\u00fcn i\u00e7inde haftalarca Hind fakirine var\u0131r\u0131z… Tepki g\u00f6sterdi\u011fimiz an kendimizi \u00e7abucak t\u00fcketece\u011fimiz i\u00e7in, hi\u00e7 tepki g\u00f6stermemek: Budur i\u015fin mant\u0131\u011f\u0131. Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey de insan\u0131 h\u0131n\u00e7 duygular\u0131 gibi \u00e7abucak eritip bitirmez. K\u0131zg\u0131nl\u0131k, hastal\u0131kl\u0131 al\u0131nganl\u0131k, \u00f6\u00e7almaya g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fczl\u00fck, \u00f6\u00e7 iste\u011fi, susuzlu\u011fu, her t\u00fcrl\u00fc a\u011fu karma, -bunlar bitkin insan i\u00e7in \u015f\u00fcphesiz en zararl\u0131 tepki \u00e7e\u015fitleridir: Sinir g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fcn \u00e7abucak t\u00fckeni\u015fi, zararl\u0131 salg\u0131lar\u0131n, \u00f6rne\u011fin midede safran\u0131n, hastal\u0131kl\u0131 bir art\u0131\u015f\u0131d\u0131r bunlar\u0131n sonucu. Hasta i\u00e7in h\u0131n\u00e7 ger\u00e7ekten yasak olan, k\u00f6t\u00fc olan \u015feydir; ne yaz\u0131k ki en do\u011fal e\u011filimdir hem de.<\/p>\n O derin fizyolog Buda kavram\u0131\u015ft\u0131 bunu. H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131k gibi ac\u0131nacak \u015feylerle kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmamak gereken bu \u201cdin\u201din etkisi, h\u0131nc\u0131n yenilmesiyle elele olmu\u015ftur: Kendini h\u0131n\u00e7tan kurtarmak, -iyile\u015fme yolunda ilk ad\u0131m. \u201cD\u00fc\u015fmanl\u0131k d\u00fc\u015fmanl\u0131kla sona ermez; d\u00fc\u015fmanl\u0131k dostlukla sona erer\u201d: Buda \u00f6\u011fretisinin ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131nda bu vard\u0131r; b\u00f6yle konu\u015fan t\u00f6re de\u011fildir, fizyolojidir. Zay\u0131fl\u0131ktan do\u011fan h\u0131nc\u0131n zarar\u0131 zay\u0131f\u0131n kendine dokunur en \u00e7ok, -tersine ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7ta yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f zenginse, o zaman da gereksiz bir duygudur; onu alt edebilmek zenginli\u011fin kan\u0131t\u0131d\u0131r nerdeyse. Felsefemin \u00f6\u00e7 ve h\u0131n\u00e7 duygular\u0131yla, \u201c\u00f6zg\u00fcr istem\u201d \u00f6\u011fretisine var\u0131ncaya dek tutu\u015ftu\u011fu kavgada nas\u0131l hi\u00e7 \u015fakas\u0131 olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilenler, -H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131kla kavgam bunun \u00f6zel durumudur yaln\u0131zca- neden tam burada ki\u015fisel tutumumu, i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcm\u00fcn uygulamada \u015fa\u015fmazl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ortaya koydu\u011fumu anlayacaklard\u0131r.<\/p>\n D\u00e9cadence \u00e7a\u011f\u0131mda onlar\u0131 kendime zararl\u0131 diye yasaklam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m; ya\u015fam\u0131m yeniden yeterince zengin ve gururlu olur olmaz, bu sefer de a\u015fa\u011f\u0131mda kald\u0131klar\u0131 i\u00e7in yasaklad\u0131m. S\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc etti\u011fim o \u201cRus yazg\u0131c\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131\u201d rastlant\u0131yla bir kez i\u00e7ine d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm dayan\u0131lmaz durumlara, yerlere, evlere, topluluklara y\u0131llar boyu katlanabilmemde kendini g\u00f6sterdi; onlar\u0131 de\u011fi\u015ftirmekten, de\u011fi\u015febilir duymaktan, onlara ba\u015fkald\u0131rmaktan daha iyiydi b\u00f6ylesi… Beni bu yazg\u0131c\u0131l\u0131k i\u00e7inden sars\u0131p zorla uyand\u0131ran\u0131, o s\u0131ralar can d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131m say\u0131yordum; ger\u00e7ekten de \u00f6l\u00fcm tehlikesi vard\u0131 bunda her sefer. Kendini bir yazg\u0131 saymak, kendini \u201cba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc\u201d istememek, -i\u015fte b\u00f6yle durumlarda sa\u011fduyu\u2019un ta kendisi.<\/p>\n VII D\u00fc\u015fman \u00f6n\u00fcnde e\u015fitlik, -erkek\u00e7e bir ikili kavgan\u0131n \u00f6n ko\u015fulu. \u0130nsan k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmsedi\u011fi yerde sava\u015famaz da; buyurdu\u011fu, bir\u015feyi a\u015fa\u011f\u0131s\u0131nda g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc yerde sava\u015fmamal\u0131 hi\u00e7. -Sava\u015f\u00e7\u0131l\u0131k mesle\u011fim d\u00f6rt ilkede toplanabilir. Birincisi: Yaln\u0131z \u00fcst\u00fcn gelmi\u015f \u015feylere sald\u0131r\u0131r\u0131m, gerekirse \u00fcst\u00fcn gelmelerini beklerim. \u0130kincisi: Hi\u00e7bir ba\u011fla\u015f\u0131k bulmayaca\u011f\u0131m, tek ba\u015f\u0131ma kalaca\u011f\u0131m ve yaln\u0131z kendi ad\u0131m\u0131 tehlikeye ataca\u011f\u0131m \u015feylere sald\u0131r\u0131r\u0131m… Tehlikeye atmayan bir tek \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f yapmad\u0131m kamu \u00f6n\u00fcnde; benim mihenk ta\u015f\u0131m budur do\u011fru davran\u0131\u015f i\u00e7in. \u00dc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fcs\u00fc: Ki\u015filere sald\u0131rmam hi\u00e7; onlar\u0131 genel, ama usul usul yay\u0131lan ve yakalanmas\u0131 g\u00fc\u00e7 bir tehlike durumunu g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr k\u0131lmak i\u00e7in bir b\u00fcy\u00fcte\u00e7 gibi kullan\u0131r\u0131m.<\/p>\n B\u00f6yle sald\u0131rd\u0131m David Strauss\u2019a daha do\u011frusu, tiritle\u015fmi\u015f bir kitab\u0131n Alman \u201cekin\u201dindeki ba\u015far\u0131s\u0131na, -bu arada su\u00e7\u00fcst\u00fc yakalad\u0131m o ekini. B\u00f6yle sald\u0131rd\u0131m Wagner\u2019e, daha do\u011frusu, incelmi\u015flere verimlileri, gecikmi\u015flerle b\u00fcy\u00fckleri kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131ran \u201cekin\u201dimizin yalanl\u0131\u011f\u0131na, i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fc melezli\u011fine. D\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fcs\u00fc: Alt\u0131nda hi\u00e7bir ki\u015fisel anla\u015fmazl\u0131k yatmayan, ge\u00e7mi\u015finde k\u00f6t\u00fc deneyimler bulunmayan \u015feylere sald\u0131r\u0131r\u0131m yaln\u0131zca. Tersine, sald\u0131rmak benim i\u00e7in iyilikseverli\u011fimin, bazen de minnetimin kan\u0131t\u0131d\u0131r. Ad\u0131m\u0131 bir\u015feye, bir ki\u015fiye ba\u011flamakla onu sayd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, se\u00e7ip \u00fcst\u00fcn tuttu\u011fumu g\u00f6stermi\u015f olurum: Yan\u0131nda ya da kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda, -bu bak\u0131mdan benim i\u015fimdir; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc o y\u00f6nden hi\u00e7bir y\u0131k\u0131mla, hi\u00e7bir engelle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmad\u0131m. En koyu H\u0131ristiyanlar benden hi\u00e7 esirgememi\u015flerdir sevgilerini. H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n amans\u0131z d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131 olan ben, binlerce y\u0131ll\u0131k al\u0131nyaz\u0131s\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcnden tek tek ki\u015filere h\u0131n\u00e7 beslemekten uza\u011f\u0131m.<\/p>\n VIII Do\u011fru g\u00f6zlemi\u015fsem, ar\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131ma zararl\u0131 bu gibi yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015flar da, kendi paylar\u0131na, benim i\u011frenip sak\u0131n\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131 sezerler; b\u00f6ylelikle daha g\u00fczel kokulu olmazlar ya… Bir kez b\u00f6yle al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f\u0131m, -kendime kar\u015f\u0131 a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 bir a\u00e7\u0131kl\u0131k temel ko\u015fuludur varolu\u015fumun, ar\u0131k olmayan \u00e7evrede ya\u015fayamam-, sanki suda, dupduru, p\u0131r\u0131l p\u0131r\u0131l bir s\u0131v\u0131da y\u00fczerim, y\u0131kan\u0131r\u0131m, oynar\u0131m aral\u0131ks\u0131z. Bu y\u00fczden insanlarla al\u0131\u015fveri\u015fim hi\u00e7 de kolay bir sab\u0131r s\u0131nav\u0131 de\u011fildir; benim insan sevgim, ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n duygusunu payla\u015fmakta de\u011fil, payla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m duyguya katlanabilmektir. Benim insan sevgim s\u00fcrekli bir kendimi yeni\u015ftir. Ama ben yaln\u0131zl\u0131k olmadan edemem; yaln\u0131zl\u0131k, yani iyile\u015fme, kendine d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f, \u00f6zg\u00fcr, hafif, esinen bir havay\u0131 solumak…<\/p>\n Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcm ba\u015ftanba\u015fa yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa ya da beni anlad\u0131ysan\u0131z, ar\u0131kl\u0131\u011fa bir dithyrambos\u2019tur… Ar\u0131k delili\u011fe de\u011fil neyse ki… G\u00f6z\u00fc renk g\u00f6rebilen, \u201celmastan\u201d der onun i\u00e7in. \u0130nsandan, ayaktak\u0131m\u0131ndan i\u011frenme benim en b\u00fcy\u00fck tehlikem oldu hep. Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn bu i\u011frenmeden kurtulu\u015fa anlatan s\u00f6zlerini duymak ister misiniz?<\/p>\n Bana ne oldu b\u00f6yle? \u0130\u011frenmeden nas\u0131l kurtuldum? Kim g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc gen\u00e7le\u015ftiren? Nas\u0131l u\u00e7tum, ayaktak\u0131m\u0131n\u0131n art\u0131k \u00e7e\u015fmeler ba\u015f\u0131nda oturmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 y\u00fckseklere?<\/p>\n \u0130\u011frenmem kendisi mi kanatlar yaratt\u0131, p\u0131narlar sezen g\u00fc\u00e7ler yaratt\u0131 bana? Ger\u00e7ekten o tad\u0131n\u00e7 p\u0131nar\u0131n\u0131 yeniden bulmak i\u00e7in en y\u00fckseklere u\u00e7mam gerekti!-<\/p>\n Buldum onu, karde\u015flerim! Burada, en y\u00fckseklerde kayn\u0131yor o tad\u0131n\u00e7 p\u0131nar\u0131 benim i\u00e7in! Ve ayaktak\u0131m\u0131n\u0131n birlikte i\u00e7medi\u011fi bir ya\u015fam var burada! Sana al\u00e7akg\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fc yakla\u015fmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenmeliyim daha: Pek zorlu ak\u0131yor sana do\u011fru y\u00fcre\u011fim, -y\u00fcre\u011fim, \u00fczerinde bir yaz yanan, k\u0131sa, k\u0131zg\u0131n, karasevdal\u0131, mutluluk ta\u015fan bir yaz. Nas\u0131l da susam\u0131\u015f \u201cyaz y\u00fcre\u011fim\u201d senin serinli\u011fine! En y\u00fckseklerde bir yaz, o so\u011fuk p\u0131narlarla, o mutlu sessizlikle: Gelin dostlar, sessizlik daha da mutlu olsun!<\/p>\n Bizim y\u00fcksekli\u011fimiz, bizim yurdumuz \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc bu: Pek y\u00fcksek, pek sarp yerde oturuyoruz ar\u0131k olmayanlar i\u00e7in, susuzluklar\u0131 i\u00e7in.<\/p>\n Dostlar\u0131m bir bak\u0131n tad\u0131nc\u0131m\u0131n p\u0131nar\u0131na ar\u0131k g\u00f6zlerinizle! Hi\u00e7 bulan\u0131r m\u0131 bu y\u00fczden? Ar\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k versin g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcze.<\/p>\n Gelecek a\u011fac\u0131na kuruyoruz yuvam\u0131z\u0131; gagalar\u0131yla az\u0131k getirmeli kartallar biz yaln\u0131zlara!<\/p>\n Ger\u00e7ekten, ar\u0131k olmayanlar\u0131 a\u011f\u0131rlamak i\u00e7in de\u011fil buras\u0131! Bizim mutlulu\u011fumuz biz buz ma\u011faras\u0131 gibi delirdi onlar\u0131n bedenlerine, tinlerine!<\/p>\n Biz onlar\u0131n \u00fczerinde sert yeller gibi ya\u015famak istiyoruz, kartallara kom\u015fu, karlara kom\u015fu, g\u00fcne\u015fe kom\u015fu: B\u00f6yle ya\u015far sert yeller.<\/p>\n Ve birg\u00fcn yeller gibi aralar\u0131nda esmek, solu\u011fumla soluklar\u0131n\u0131 kesmek istiyorum: Gelece\u011fim b\u00f6yle istiyor.<\/p>\n Ger\u00e7ekten, sert bir yeldir Zerd\u00fc\u015ft al\u00e7alt\u0131lar i\u00e7in; \u015fu \u00f6\u011f\u00fcd\u00fc verir d\u00fc\u015fmanlar\u0131na, t\u00fck\u00fcren, balgam atan kim varsa hepsine: Yele kar\u015f\u0131 t\u00fck\u00fcrmekten sak\u0131n\u0131n!…<\/p>\n NEDEN B\u00d6YLE AKILLIYIM Bir eylemi, i\u015f i\u015ften ge\u00e7ince bir de kendi ba\u015f\u0131na b\u0131rakmak istemezdim; i\u015fin k\u00f6t\u00fc biti\u015fini, sonu\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 kural olarak de\u011fer sorunu d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda b\u0131rakmay\u0131 ye\u011f tutard\u0131m. Bir i\u015f k\u00f6t\u00fc bitti mi, insan yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 do\u011fru de\u011ferlendiremez olur kolayca. Bana kal\u0131rsa, pi\u015fmanl\u0131k ac\u0131s\u0131 bir \u00e7e\u015fit \u201ckemg\u00f6z\u201dd\u00fcr. Ba\u015far\u0131ya varamayan bir\u015feyi, ba\u015far\u0131ya varmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in bir kat daha sayg\u0131n tutmak, -bu daha bir uygundur benim t\u00f6reme.- \u201cTanr\u0131\u201d, \u201cruhun \u00f6lmezli\u011fi\u201d, \u201ckurtulu\u015f\u201d, \u201c\u00f6te d\u00fcnya\u201d, daha \u00e7ocukken bile ne dikkatimi, ne de vaktimi verdi\u011fim kavramlar hepsi, -belki de bunlar i\u00e7in yeterince \u00e7ocuksu olmad\u0131m hi\u00e7? Benim i\u00e7in bir sonu\u00e7 de\u011fildir tanr\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131k, hele olay hi\u00e7 de\u011fildir; i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcmden gelir d\u00fcped\u00fcz.<\/p>\n Biraz \u00e7ok\u00e7a merakl\u0131y\u0131m ben, sorunlarla doluyum, kendimi be\u011fenmi\u015fim: \u00fcst\u00fcnk\u00f6r\u00fc bir yan\u0131t, bir kalabal\u0131kt\u0131r, -asl\u0131na bakarsan\u0131z, \u00fcst\u00fcnk\u00f6r\u00fc bir yasaktan ba\u015fka bir \u015fey de\u011fildir bizlere: D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeyeceksiniz!… \u201c\u0130nsanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n sel\u00e2meti\u201d i\u00e7in o tanr\u0131bilimci antikal\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131n hepsinden \u00e7ok daha \u00f6nemli bir sorun var ki, beni daha ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc ilgilendirir: Beslenme sorunu. G\u00fcnl\u00fck uygulamada \u015fu k\u0131l\u0131\u011fa girer sorun: \u201cSen sen olarak as\u0131l beslenmelisin ki, g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fcn, erdeminin- Uyan\u0131\u015f \u00e7a\u011f\u0131nda (Renaissance) anla\u015f\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi, d\u00fczmece sofuluk kat\u0131\u015fmam\u0131\u015f erdeminin doru\u011funa varabilesin?\u201d Benim bu konuda ba\u015f\u0131mdan ge\u00e7enler olabildi\u011fince k\u00f6t\u00fcd\u00fcr; bu soruyu nas\u0131l olup da b\u00f6yle ge\u00e7 duydu\u011fuma, g\u00f6r\u00fcp ge\u00e7irdiklerimden nas\u0131l b\u00f6yle ge\u00e7 \u201cusland\u0131\u011f\u0131ma\u201d \u015fa\u015f\u0131yorum. Neden tam da bu bak\u0131mdan bir ermi\u015fe yak\u0131\u015f\u0131rcas\u0131na geri kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, a\u00e7\u0131klarsa Alman ekinimizin hepten i\u015fe yaramazl\u0131\u011f\u0131- \u201c\u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc- a\u00e7\u0131klar biraz olsun.<\/p>\n Bu ekin hepten \u015f\u00fcpheli ama\u00e7lar, o s\u00f6zde \u201c\u00fclk\u00fcler\u201d -\u00f6rne\u011fin klasik etkin- ard\u0131ndan ko\u015fmak i\u00e7in, daha i\u015fin ba\u015f\u0131nda ger\u00e7ekleri g\u00f6zden ka\u00e7\u0131rmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011fretir, -sanki \u201cklasik\u201d ve \u201cAlman\u201d kavramlar\u0131n\u0131n uzla\u015fmazl\u0131\u011f\u0131 daha ba\u015ftan besbelli de\u011filmi\u015f gibi! Dahas\u0131 var, insan\u0131 g\u00fcld\u00fcr\u00fcr de bu -hele bir \u201cklasik e\u011fitimden ge\u00e7mi\u015f\u201d Leipzigli getirin g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcz\u00fcn \u00f6n\u00fcne! -Ger\u00e7ekten, ta olgun \u00e7a\u011f\u0131ma dek k\u00f6t\u00fc yemek yedim hep, t\u00f6rel deyimiyle \u201cki\u015filiksiz\u201d, \u201ckendimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeden\u201d, \u201c\u00f6zgeci\u201d olarak, a\u015f\u00e7\u0131lar\u0131n ve \u00f6b\u00fcr dinda\u015flar\u0131n yarar\u0131na yemek yedim. Schopenhauer\u2019i yeni yeni incelemeye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fken (1865), bir yandan da Leipzig yemeklerini yemekle \u201cya\u015fama istemi\u201d mi iyiden iyiye yads\u0131yorum. Yetersiz beslenip \u00fcstelik bir de mideyi bozmak…<\/p>\n Leipzig a\u015f\u00e7\u0131lar\u0131 bu sorunu \u015fa\u015f\u0131lacak bir ba\u015far\u0131yla \u00e7\u00f6zm\u00fc\u015flerdir san\u0131r\u0131m. (Duydu\u011fuma g\u00f6re, 1866 y\u0131l\u0131 birtak\u0131m de\u011fi\u015fmeler getirmi\u015f bu alanda). Ya genel olarak Alman mutfa\u011f\u0131, -onun kabahatleri say\u0131lmakla biter mi hi\u00e7! Yemeklerden \u00f6nce \u00e7orba -16. y\u00fczy\u0131l Venedik yemek kitaplar\u0131nda bile alla tedesca dedikleri-, fazla pi\u015fmi\u015f etler, ya\u011fl\u0131, unlu sebzeler; mideyi bast\u0131rmak i\u00e7in o a\u011f\u0131r hamur i\u015fleri! Bunlara bir de ya\u015fl\u0131 Almanlar\u0131n -yaln\u0131z ya\u015fl\u0131lar\u0131n de\u011fil ya- o ger\u00e7ekten hayvanca yemek \u00fcst\u00fcne i\u00e7me al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 da katarsan\u0131z, Alman d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesinin nereden \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlars\u0131n\u0131z: Bozuk ba\u011f\u0131rsaklardan… Almanlar\u0131nkiyle -Frans\u0131zlar\u0131nkiyle de- kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131r\u0131l\u0131nca bir \u00e7e\u015fit \u201cdo\u011faya d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u201d, yani yamyaml\u0131\u011fa d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f olan \u0130ngiliz beslenme d\u00fczeni de iyice ayk\u0131r\u0131d\u0131r benim i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fclerime; san\u0131r\u0131m, hantalla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131r d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncenin ayaklar\u0131n\u0131, -\u0130ngiliz kad\u0131nlar\u0131n\u0131n ayaklar\u0131 gibi…<\/p>\n En iyi mutfak Piemonte\u2019ninkidir. -Alkoll\u00fc i\u00e7kiler dokunur bana; g\u00fcnde bir bardak \u015farap ya da bira ya\u015fam\u0131 bana cehennem etmeye yeter, -benim kar\u015f\u0131tlar\u0131msa M\u00fcnih\u2019de ya\u015f\u0131yor. Bunu biraz ge\u00e7 kavrad\u0131m, kabul; ama denemesini k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck ya\u015ftan beri yapm\u0131\u015f\u0131md\u0131r. Daha \u00e7ocukken, \u015farap i\u00e7menin de t\u00fct\u00fcn gibi \u00f6nceleri gen\u00e7lerin bir g\u00f6steri\u015f merak\u0131, sonralar\u0131 da k\u00f6t\u00fc bir al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131k oldu\u011funa inan\u0131rd\u0131m. Belki de bu sert\u00e7e yarg\u0131da Naumburg \u015farab\u0131n\u0131n da su\u00e7u vard\u0131r. \u015earab\u0131n keyif verdi\u011fine inanmak i\u00e7in H\u0131ristiyan olmal\u0131yd\u0131m, yani benim i\u00e7in tam sa\u00e7mal\u0131k olan \u015feye inanmal\u0131yd\u0131m. \u0130\u015fin \u015fa\u015f\u0131lacak yan\u0131, az i\u00e7kinin, bir de sert de\u011filse, alabildi\u011fine keyfimi ka\u00e7\u0131rmas\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k, \u00e7ok i\u00e7meye kar\u015f\u0131 bir deniz kurdu gibi dayan\u0131kl\u0131 olu\u015fumdur.<\/p>\n Daha \u00e7ocukken g\u00f6stermi\u015fimdir bu konuda y\u00fcreklili\u011fimi. Sayg\u0131de\u011fer Schulpforta\u2019da \u00f6\u011frenciyken kalemimde \u00f6rne\u011fim Sallustius\u2019un toklu\u011funa, yo\u011funlu\u011funa eri\u015fme tutkusuyla, uzun Latince \u00f6devimi geceleyerek bir oturu\u015fta yazmak ve temize \u00e7ekmek, sonra da Latincemi a\u011f\u0131r \u00e7apl\u0131 birka\u00e7 grog\u2019la sulamak, b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar sayg\u0131de\u011fer Schulpforta\u2019ya hi\u00e7 yara\u015fmasa bile, hem benim b\u00fcnyeme, hem de Sallustius\u2019unkine v\u0131zgelirdi. Sonralar\u0131, orta ya\u015fl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131ma do\u011fru, her t\u00fcrl\u00fc ispirtolu i\u00e7kiye kar\u015f\u0131 gitgide daha kesin cephe ald\u0131m. Ben et yememeyi de kendimde denemi\u015f, sonra beni do\u011fru yola getiren Wagner gibi d\u00fc\u015fman kesilmi\u015ftim ona; ama d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceye d\u00f6n\u00fck t\u00fcm yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015flara, alkoll\u00fc i\u00e7kilerden hepten uzak durmalar\u0131n\u0131 ne denli sal\u0131k versem gene azd\u0131r. Su ne g\u00fcne duruyor. Su almak i\u00e7in bol bol \u00e7e\u015fmesi bulunan yerleri ye\u011f tutar\u0131m (Nice, Torino, Sils); bir bardak i\u00e7ki beni can\u0131mdan bezdirir. In vino veritas derler: San\u0131r\u0131m ki burada da \u201cdo\u011fru\u201d kavram\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcne herkesle \u00e7at\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum, -bende Tin sular\u0131n \u00fczerinde dolan\u0131r…<\/p>\n Kurallar\u0131mdan birka\u00e7\u0131n\u0131 daha \u00e7\u0131tlatay\u0131m: Bol bir yemek az yemekten daha kolay sindirilir. \u0130yi bir sindirimin ilk ko\u015fulu, midenin b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcyle \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmas\u0131d\u0131r. Midesinin b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc bilmeli insan. Gene bu y\u00fczden, tabldotlarda yenen ve benim aral\u0131kl\u0131 kurban t\u00f6renleri dedi\u011fim o bitmek t\u00fckenmek bilmez yemeklerden sak\u0131nmal\u0131d\u0131r. -Aralarda hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yememeli, kahve i\u00e7memeli: kahve kasvet verir. \u00c7ay yaln\u0131z sabahlar\u0131 yarar; az, ama koyu olmal\u0131: Gerekenden bir damlac\u0131k a\u00e7\u0131k olsa, \u00e7ok dokunur, b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcn k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131k yapar. Herkesin kendine g\u00f6re bir karar\u0131 vard\u0131r bunda; s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131 dar, belirlenmesi g\u00fc\u00e7t\u00fcr. Sinir y\u0131prat\u0131c\u0131 bir iklimde \u00e7ayla ba\u015flanmas\u0131 sal\u0131k verilmez; bir saat \u00f6ncesinden geldi\u011fince az oturmal\u0131; a\u00e7\u0131k havada, y\u00fcr\u00fcrken do\u011fmayan, kaslar\u0131n da birlikte \u015fenlik yapmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 hi\u00e7bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceye g\u00fcvenmemeli. \u00d6nyarg\u0131lar\u0131n hepsi ba\u011f\u0131rsaklardan gelir. -Bir kez daha s\u00f6ylemi\u015ftim, Kutsal Tine kar\u015f\u0131 i\u015flenen as\u0131l g\u00fcnah kaba etlerdir.- Metabolizman\u0131n h\u0131z\u0131, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce ayaklar\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7evikli\u011fiyle do\u011fru orant\u0131l\u0131d\u0131r; bir t\u00fcr metabolizmad\u0131r \u201cd\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce\u201dnin kendisi de. \u015eimdiye dek kafal\u0131 insanlar\u0131n ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131, n\u00fcktenin, incelmenin, hay\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131n mutluluktan ayr\u0131lmaz say\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131, dehan\u0131n nerdeyse zorunlu olarak yurt edindi\u011fi yerleri bir yan yana koyun: Hepsinin e\u015fsiz kuru bir havas\u0131 vard\u0131r. Paris, Provence, Floransa, Kud\u00fcs, Atina, -bu adlar da kan\u0131tl\u0131yor ki, deha kuru havaya, duru g\u00f6\u011fe, yani metabolizma \u00e7abuklu\u011funa, hi\u00e7 durmadan ve \u00e7ok b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde erke b\u00fct\u00fcnlemesi yapma olana\u011f\u0131na ba\u011fl\u0131d\u0131r. \u00d6n\u00fcmde \u00f6rne\u011fi var; \u00f6zg\u00fcr yarat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, de\u011ferli, kafal\u0131 biri, tek iklim konusunda i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fc inceli\u011fi olmamas\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcnden dar kafal\u0131 bir uzman, k\u00f6\u015fesine sinmi\u015f, h\u0131r\u00e7\u0131n biri olup \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131.<\/p>\n Hastal\u0131\u011f\u0131m beni sa\u011fduyulu olmaya, ger\u00e7ekteki sa\u011fduyu \u00fcst\u00fcnde d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeye zorlamasayd\u0131, benim sonum da bundan ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc olmazd\u0131. \u015eimdi iklim ve hava etkilerini, uzun bir al\u0131\u015ft\u0131rma sonucu, kendimde pek duyar, g\u00fcvenilir bir ayg\u0131tta okur gibi okuyor, \u00f6rne\u011fin Torino\u2019dan Milano\u2019ya k\u0131sa bir yolculuk s\u0131ras\u0131nda havan\u0131n nemlilik derecesinde de\u011fi\u015fikli\u011fi bedenimde \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcyorum da, son on y\u0131l\u0131 d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n, tehlikeli y\u0131llar\u0131m\u0131n hep benim i\u00e7in yanl\u0131\u015f, kesin olarak yasaklanm\u0131\u015f yerlerde ge\u00e7ti\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcnce t\u00fcylerim \u00fcrperiyor. Naumburg, Schulpforta, genellikle Th\u00fcringen, Leipzig, Basel, Venedik, -hepsi de b\u00fcnyem i\u00e7in birer y\u0131k\u0131m olan yerler.<\/p>\n Daha genel olarak, b\u00fct\u00fcn \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumdan, gen\u00e7li\u011fimden bir tek iyi an\u0131m yoksa, bunu \u201ct\u00f6rel\u201d dedikleri nedenlerle, \u00f6rne\u011fin kendime g\u00f6re bir \u00e7evrenin yoklu\u011fuyla -ki do\u011fru oldu\u011fu su g\u00f6t\u00fcrmez- a\u00e7\u0131klamak ahmakl\u0131k olurdu: \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ayn\u0131 yoklu\u011fu bug\u00fcn de \u00e7ekiyorum; keyfimi ka\u00e7\u0131r\u0131p beni y\u0131ld\u0131rm\u0131yor bu. Fizyoloji konusundaki bilisizli\u011fim, o kahrolas\u0131 \u201c\u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fck\u201d, i\u015fte as\u0131l bahts\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131, gereksiz, aptalca yan\u0131, bana hi\u00e7bir yarar\u0131 dokunmayan, art\u0131k giderilmesi, \u00f6de\u015filmesi olmayan yan\u0131 budur ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n. Att\u0131\u011f\u0131m t\u00fcm yanl\u0131\u015f ad\u0131mlar\u0131, i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcm\u00fcn b\u00fcy\u00fck yan\u0131lg\u0131lar\u0131, beni ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n \u00f6devinden sapt\u0131ran \u201cal\u00e7akg\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fcl\u00fcklerimi\u201d, \u00f6rne\u011fin filolog olu\u015fumu hep bu \u201c\u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u201d sonu\u00e7lar\u0131 olarak a\u00e7\u0131kl\u0131yorum, -neden hi\u00e7 de\u011filse hekim, ya da g\u00f6zlerimi a\u00e7acak ba\u015fka bir \u015fey olmad\u0131m?<\/p>\n Basel\u2019de okudu\u011fum s\u0131ralar, b\u00fct\u00fcn d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce d\u00fczenim, bu arada g\u00fcnl\u00fck zaman b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcm, ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc g\u00fc\u00e7lerin hepten anlams\u0131zca k\u00f6t\u00fcye kullan\u0131lmas\u0131yd\u0131 ve bu t\u00fcketimi kar\u015f\u0131layacak g\u00fc\u00e7 kayna\u011f\u0131m da yoktu; t\u00fcketim ve b\u00fct\u00fcnleme \u00fcst\u00fcne d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fcyordum bile. Her t\u00fcrl\u00fc ince bencillik, buyuran bir i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcn\u00fcn g\u00f6zeticili\u011fi eksikti; kendimi herkesle bir tutmakt\u0131 -bu y\u00fczden hi\u00e7 ba\u011f\u0131\u015flamayaca\u011f\u0131m kendimi. Nerdeyse i\u015f i\u015ften ge\u00e7mek \u00fczereyken, nerdeyse i\u015f i\u015ften ge\u00e7mek \u00fczere oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in, ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n bu temel \u00e7\u0131lg\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 -\u201c\u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fck\u201d beni d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcrmeye ba\u015flad\u0131. Anca hastal\u0131k getirdi akl\u0131ma ba\u015f\u0131ma.<\/p>\n III Bilmem dikkat ettiniz mi, gebeli\u011fin d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceyi ve b\u00fct\u00fcn \u00f6rgenli\u011fi i\u00e7ine att\u0131\u011f\u0131 o derin gerilim durumunda, rastlant\u0131lar, d\u0131\u015ftan gelen her uyar\u0131m pek yaman etki yapar, pek derinden koyar. Rastlant\u0131lardan, d\u0131\u015f uyar\u0131mlardan elden geldi\u011fince ka\u00e7\u0131nmal\u0131d\u0131r insan; d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce gebeli\u011finde i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcn\u00fcn yapaca\u011f\u0131 ilk ak\u0131ll\u0131ca i\u015f, \u00e7evresine bir \u00e7e\u015fit duvar \u00f6rmektir. Yabanc\u0131 bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncenin gizlice duvardan atlamas\u0131na g\u00f6z yumar m\u0131y\u0131m hi\u00e7? Bu da okumak olurdu… \u00c7al\u0131\u015fma ve do\u011furganl\u0131k \u00e7a\u011f\u0131 ard\u0131ndan dinlenme \u00e7a\u011f\u0131 m\u0131 geldi: Gelsin \u015fimdi ho\u015fa giden, ince bulu\u015flarla dolu, \u00f6\u011fretici kitaplar! Almanca kitaplar m\u0131 olacak dersiniz?<\/p>\n Kendimi elimde bir kitapla yakalayabilmem i\u00e7in, alt\u0131 ay geriye d\u00f6nmeliyim. Neydi acaba? Victor Brochard\u2019\u0131n, benim Laertiana\u2019mdan da iyi yararland\u0131\u011f\u0131 pek g\u00fczel bir incelemesi, Les Sceptiques Grecs. \u015e\u00fcpheciler, her dedi\u011fi \u00fc\u00e7 be\u015f anlama gelen feylosoflar ulusu i\u00e7inde tek sayg\u0131de\u011fer \u00f6rnek!. Ba\u015fka zamanlarsa, hemen hemen ayn\u0131 kitaplara geri d\u00f6nerim hep, az say\u0131da, benim i\u00e7in s\u0131nanm\u0131\u015f kitaplara geri d\u00f6nerim hep, az say\u0131da, benim i\u00e7in s\u0131nanm\u0131\u015f kitaplara. Belki de bana g\u00f6re de\u011fildir \u00e7ok ve okumak: Bir okuma odas\u0131na girmek beni hasta eder. \u00c7ok ve \u00e7e\u015fitli \u015feyleri sevmek de bana g\u00f6re de\u011fildir. Yeni kitaplara kar\u015f\u0131 g\u00fcvensizlik, giderek d\u00fc\u015fmanl\u0131k benim i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcme \u201cho\u015fg\u00f6r\u00fc\u201dden, \u201clargeur de coeur\u201dden, \u201cyard\u0131mseverlikten\u201dten daha bir uygun d\u00fc\u015fer…<\/p>\n Asl\u0131nda d\u00f6n\u00fcp d\u00f6n\u00fcp okuduklar\u0131m bir avu\u00e7 eski Frans\u0131zd\u0131r: Ben Frans\u0131z ekinine inan\u0131r\u0131m tek. Avrupa\u2019da \u201cekin\u201d ad\u0131na ba\u015fka ne varsa, hepsini bir yanl\u0131\u015f anla\u015f\u0131lma sayar\u0131m; Alman ekinine gelince, s\u00f6z\u00fc edilme\u011fe de\u011fmez… Almanya\u2019da kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m birka\u00e7 y\u00fcksek ekinli ki\u015fi, be\u011feni konusunda hi\u00e7 kimsenin boy \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fc\u015femeyece\u011fi Bayan Cosima Wagner ba\u015fta olmak \u00fczere, hepsi de Frans\u0131z soyundan gelmeydiler. Pascal\u2019\u0131 okumay\u0131\u015f\u0131m, ama H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n en \u00f6\u011fretici kurban\u0131 olarak -canavarl\u0131\u011f\u0131n o en t\u00fcyler \u00fcrpertici t\u00fcr\u00fcndeki mant\u0131k gere\u011fince \u00f6nce bedeni, sonra tini a\u011f\u0131r a\u011f\u0131r \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f kurban\u0131 olarak -sevi\u015fim; d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncemde, kimbilir belki de bedenimde de Montaigne\u2019in kab\u0131na s\u0131\u011fmazl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan bir\u015feyler bulunu\u015fu; sanat\u00e7\u0131 be\u011fenimin de Moli\u00e9re, Corneille, Racine adlar\u0131n\u0131, \u00f6fkelenerek de olsa, Shakespeare gibi bir yaban dehaya kar\u015f\u0131 savunu\u015fu…<\/p>\n Gene de en yeni Frans\u0131zlar\u0131 tad\u0131na doyum olmaz bir topluluk saymama engel de\u011fil b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar. Hangi ge\u00e7mi\u015f y\u00fczy\u0131lda \u015fimdi Paris\u2019de oldu\u011fu gibi, b\u00f6yle hem merakl\u0131, hem ince psikologlar bir araya toplanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r, do\u011frusu bilmiyorum. Saymay\u0131 \u015f\u00f6yle bir deneyelim, -\u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc say\u0131lar\u0131 hi\u00e7 de az de\u011fil: Paul Borguet, Pierre Loti, Gyp, Meilhac, Jules Lema\u00eetre ve -\u00f6zellikle sevdi\u011fim ger\u00e7ek bir Latin\u2019i, g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc soydan birini anm\u0131\u015f olmak i\u00e7in -Guy de Maupassant. S\u00f6z aram\u0131zda, bu ku\u015fa\u011f\u0131, hepsi de Alman felsefesiyle ba\u015ftan \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f olan b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6\u011fretmenlerinden bile \u00fcst\u00fcn tutuyorum (\u00f6rne\u011fin Bay Taine b\u00fcy\u00fck insanlar\u0131, b\u00fcy\u00fck insanlar\u0131 , b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00e7a\u011flar\u0131 yanl\u0131\u015f anlay\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 Hegel\u2019e bor\u00e7ludur). Almanya nereye girse, ekini berbad eder. Ancak sava\u015f \u201ckurtard\u0131\u201d Frans\u0131z d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesini…<\/p>\n Stendhal ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n en g\u00fczel rastlant\u0131lar\u0131ndan biridir, -ya\u015fam\u0131mda \u00e7a\u011f a\u00e7an ne varsa, hepsi de rastlant\u0131yla \u00f6n\u00fcme \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131, ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n sal\u0131k vermesiyle de\u011fil.- Paha bi\u00e7ilmez erdemleri vard\u0131r onun: Sakl\u0131 olan\u0131 g\u00f6ren o psikolog g\u00f6z\u00fc, en b\u00fcy\u00fck ger\u00e7ek\u00e7inin yak\u0131nda oldu\u011funu an\u0131msatan -ex ungue Napoleonem -olgular\u0131 kavrama yetisi ve sonunda -ki az erdem de\u011fil bu da- d\u00fcr\u00fcst bir tanr\u0131s\u0131z olu\u015fu: Fransa\u2019da k\u0131rk y\u0131lda bir rastlanan, nerdeyse hi\u00e7 bulunmayan bir t\u00fcr,- Prosper M\u00e9rim\u00e9e\u2019yi sayg\u0131yla anal\u0131m… Belki de Stendhal\u2019i k\u0131skan\u0131yorumdur? Tam benim yapaca\u011f\u0131m en g\u00fczel tanr\u0131s\u0131z n\u00fcktesini ald\u0131 elimden: \u201cTanr\u0131n\u0131n tek \u00f6z\u00fcr\u00fc var olmay\u0131\u015f\u0131d\u0131r\u201d… Bende bir yerde \u015f\u00f6yle demi\u015ftim: \u201cBug\u00fcne dek varl\u0131\u011fa kar\u015f\u0131 en b\u00fcy\u00fck itiraz neydi? Tanr\u0131…\u201d<\/p>\n IV O i\u00e7 buland\u0131r\u0131c\u0131 Saksonyal\u0131ya \u00f6fkemden bir Manfred a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131 (ouverture) da ben yazd\u0131m; Hans von B\u00fclow nota k\u00e2\u011f\u0131d\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcnde hi\u00e7 b\u00f6yle bir \u015fey g\u00f6rmedi\u011fini s\u00f6ylemi\u015fti: Euterpe\u2019nin \u0131rz\u0131na ge\u00e7mekmi\u015f bu. Shakespeare\u2019i anlatacak en y\u00fcksek d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncemi arad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, hep Caesar tipini tasarlam\u0131\u015f olmas\u0131 gelir akl\u0131ma. \u0130nsan b\u00f6yle bir\u015feyi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmekle \u00e7\u0131karamaz; ya \u00f6yledir, ya da de\u011fildir. B\u00fcy\u00fck ozan, yaln\u0131z \u00f6z ger\u00e7e\u011finden beslenir, \u00f6yle ki sonunda yap\u0131t\u0131na dayanamaz olur \u00fcstelik… Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcme \u015f\u00f6yle bir g\u00f6z atay\u0131m yeter, dayan\u0131lmaz bir h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131r\u0131k n\u00f6beti i\u00e7inde kendimi tutamaks\u0131z\u0131n, odamda yar\u0131m saat bir a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 bir yukar\u0131 gezinirim. -Hi\u00e7 kimseyi okurken Shakespeare\u2019de oldu\u011fu gibi paralanmaz y\u00fcre\u011fim: Soytar\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 b\u00f6yle gerekli bulmak i\u00e7in nas\u0131l ac\u0131 \u00e7ekmi\u015f olmal\u0131d\u0131r insan! -Hamlet\u2019i anl\u0131yor musunuz? \u015e\u00fcphe de\u011fil, kesinliktir insan\u0131 deli eden… Ama bunu duymak i\u00e7in derin olmal\u0131, u\u00e7urum, feylosof olmal\u0131…<\/p>\n Do\u011frudan korkar\u0131z hepimiz… Hem a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a s\u00f6yleyeyim, sezgimle y\u00fczde y\u00fcz inan\u0131yorum ki, bu en t\u00fcyler \u00fcrpertici yaz\u0131n t\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcn yarat\u0131c\u0131s\u0131, burada kendi kendine eziyet eden Lord Bacon\u2019d\u0131r; ne d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcklerini bilmeyen, ku\u015f beyinli Amerikal\u0131lar\u0131n ac\u0131nacak gevezeliklerinden bana ne? G\u00f6r\u00fcm\u2019leri (vision) en yaman ger\u00e7eklikle verme yetisi, en yaman eylem g\u00fcc\u00fcyle, en canavarca eylem ve c\u00fcr\u00fcm g\u00fcc\u00fcyle yan yana bulunmakla kalmaz yaln\u0131z, \u00fcstelik onlar\u0131 gerektirir de…<\/p>\n S\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn en y\u00fcksek anlam\u0131nda ilk ger\u00e7ek\u00e7i olan Lord Bacon\u2019\u0131n neler yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, net istedi\u011fini, kendi kendisiyle ne ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilebilmek i\u00e7in, onu yeterince tan\u0131maktan \u00e7ok uza\u011f\u0131z daha… Hepinizin can\u0131 cehenneme, bay ele\u015ftirmenler! Tutun ki Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm\u00fc bir ba\u015fka adla, \u00f6rne\u011fin Richard Wagner ad\u0131yla vaftiz ettim; \u0130nsanca Pek \u0130nsanca yazar\u0131n\u0131n Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn bilicisi oldu\u011funu \u00e7\u0131karmaya iki bin y\u0131ll\u0131k uzg\u00f6r\u00fc yetmezdi…<\/p>\n V Ba\u015fkalar\u0131 Wagner\u2019le neler ya\u015fam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r; bilmem; bizim g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcm\u00fczden bir tek bulut bile ge\u00e7medi. -Burada bir kez daha Fransa konusuna d\u00f6n\u00fcyorum. Wagner\u2019i kendilerine benzer bulmakla onu sayd\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 sanan Wagner\u2019cilar ulusuna kar\u015f\u0131 a\u011fz\u0131m\u0131 bile a\u00e7mam, dudak b\u00fckerim yaln\u0131z… Ben ki Alman olan her\u015feye en derin i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fclerimle yabanc\u0131y\u0131m, \u00f6yle ki bir Alman\u2019\u0131n yak\u0131n\u0131mda olmas\u0131 bile sindirim gecikmesi yapar, ben Wagner\u2019le ilk kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m zaman ya\u015fam\u0131mda ilk kez derin bir nefes ald\u0131m: Wagner\u2019i d\u0131\u015f \u00fclke olarak, \u201cAlman\u201d erdemlerine bir kar\u015f\u0131t, bir canl\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131 koyma olarak duyup sayd\u0131m. -Bizler, \u00e7ocukluklar\u0131 1850 y\u0131llar\u0131nda ge\u00e7enler \u201cAlman\u201d kavram\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131 \u00e7aresiz k\u00f6t\u00fcmseriz; bizler ancak devrimci olabiliriz, -d\u00fczmece softalar\u0131n ba\u015fta oldu\u011fu bir d\u00fczene g\u00f6z yumamay\u0131z. Ama \u015fimdi renkleri de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015f, art\u0131k k\u0131z\u0131llara b\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcyorlar, binici \u00fcniformas\u0131 ku\u015fan\u0131yorlarm\u0131\u015f, benim i\u00e7in hepsi bir…<\/p>\n Uzun s\u00f6z\u00fcn k\u0131sas\u0131, Wagner devrimciydi, Almanlardan ka\u00e7m\u0131\u015ft\u0131… Sanat\u00e7\u0131 olarak insan\u0131n Avrupa\u2019da Paris\u2019den ba\u015fka yeri yurdu olamaz: Wagner sanat\u0131n\u0131 anlam\u0131n\u0131n ko\u015fulu, o be\u015f sanat duyusunun d\u00e9licatesse\u2019i, o ayr\u0131mlar\u0131 sezen parmaklar, psikolojik sayr\u0131ll\u0131k, hepsi Paris\u2019te bulunur. Bi\u00e7im sorunlar\u0131nda bu tutku, mise en sc\u00e9ne\u2019i b\u00f6ylesine \u00f6nemseme Paris\u2019ten ba\u015fka hi\u00e7bir yerde yoktur, -tam Parisli \u00f6nemseyi\u015fidir i\u015fte bu. Parisli bir sanat\u00e7\u0131n\u0131n ne d\u00fc\u015fler besledi\u011fini, g\u00f6z\u00fc nas\u0131l y\u00fckseklerde oldu\u011funu Almanya\u2019dakiler d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmezler bile. Alman kuzu gibidir. -Wagner\u2019se hi\u00e7 \u00f6yle de\u011fildi… Neyse, Wagner\u2019in as\u0131l yerini, yak\u0131n akrabalar\u0131n\u0131n kimler oldu\u011funu daha \u00f6nce uzun uzad\u0131ya anlatt\u0131m (\u201c\u0130yi ve K\u00f6t\u00fcn\u00fcn \u00d6tesinde\u201d, 256. B\u00f6l\u00fcm).<\/p>\n Ge\u00e7 Frans\u0131z romantikleri, Delacroix\u2019lar\u0131n, Berlioz\u2019lar\u0131n o y\u00fccelerde u\u00e7an ve co\u015fturan soyu, k\u00f6kten hastalar, do\u011fu\u015ftan onmazlar, hepsi de anlat\u0131m ba\u011fnazlar\u0131, tepeden t\u0131rna\u011fa virt\u00fcozlar… Kimdi zaten Wagner\u2019in ilk zeki savunucusu? Charles Baudelaire, Delacroix\u2019y\u0131 da ilk kez anlayan, koskoca bir sanat\u00e7\u0131 ku\u015fa\u011f\u0131n\u0131n babas\u0131, o \u00f6rnek d\u00e9cadent, -belki en son savunucusu da oydu… Nedir Wagner\u2019de hi\u00e7 ba\u011f\u0131\u015flamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m? Almanlara dek inmi\u015f olmas\u0131, Alman yurtta\u015f\u0131 olmas\u0131… Almanya nereye girse, ekini berbadeder.<\/p>\n VI Leonardo da Vinci\u2019nin t\u00fcm gizemleri Tristan\u2019\u0131n ilk notas\u0131yla b\u00fcy\u00fclerini yitiriverirler. Bu yap\u0131t Wagner\u2019in non plus ultras\u0131d\u0131r; onun yorgunlu\u011fu bu ise \u201cUsta \u015eark\u0131c\u0131lar\u201d ve \u201cY\u00fcz\u00fck\u201dle \u00e7\u0131karm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u0130yile\u015fmek, -Wagner gibilerinde bir gerilemedir bu. O yap\u0131t\u0131 anlayacak olgunlukta olmam i\u00e7in tam \u00e7a\u011f\u0131nda, hem de Almanlar aras\u0131nda ya\u015famam\u0131 en b\u00fcy\u00fck mutluluk say\u0131yorum: Psikolog olarak bilme iste\u011fi bende bak\u0131n nerelere var\u0131yor. O \u201ccehennem tatlar\u0131\u201dn\u0131 duymak i\u00e7in yeterince hasta olmayan ki\u015fiye d\u00fcnya nas\u0131l yoksuldur: Bu gizemci deyimini kullanabilirim, nerdeyse kullanmak zorunday\u0131m burada. -Wagner\u2019in elinden gelen korkun\u00e7 i\u015fleri, yaln\u0131z kendine vergi kanatlarla girdi\u011fi o bilinmez esrimeler dolu elli d\u00fcnyay\u0131 benden iyi kimse duyup tan\u0131yamaz; bense en tehlikeli, en sorunsal \u015feyleri bile kendi yarar\u0131ma \u00e7evirmek i\u00e7in yeterince g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc oldu\u011fumdan, Wagner\u2019i ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n en b\u00fcy\u00fck velinimeti say\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n Onunla akraba oldu\u011fumuz yan, bu \u00e7a\u011f insanlar\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7ekebilece\u011finden \u00e7ok daha derin -bu arada birbirimizden de- \u00e7ekmi\u015f olmam\u0131zd\u0131r: bu da k\u0131yamete dek birbirine ba\u011flayacakt\u0131r adlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131. Almanlar aras\u0131nda Wagner\u2019in bir yanl\u0131\u015f anla\u015f\u0131lma oldu\u011fu nas\u0131l kesinse, benimki de \u00f6yledir, \u00f6yle kalacakt\u0131r hep. -adlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131. Almanlar aras\u0131nda Wagner\u2019in bir yanl\u0131\u015f anla\u015f\u0131lma oldu\u011fu nas\u0131l kesinse, benimki de \u00f6yledir, \u00f6yle kalacakt\u0131r hep. -\u00d6nce psikoloji ve sanatta kendinizi iki y\u00fczy\u0131l s\u0131k\u0131ya sokman\u0131z gerekiyor, Bay Cermenler!… Ama giderilir mi hi\u00e7 b\u00f6yle \u015feyin yoklu\u011fu.<\/p>\n VII Ben kendi pay\u0131ma yeterince Polonyal\u0131y\u0131m daha: Bana Chopin\u2019i verin, sizin olsun musikinin gerisi. Bunun d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda tuttuklar\u0131m, Wagner\u2019in Siegfried-\u0130dyll\u2019i -ki \u00fc\u00e7 nedeni var-, belki Lizst\u2019in de birka\u00e7 par\u00e7as\u0131 -orkestralay\u0131\u015f\u0131ndaki soylulu\u011fun bir e\u015fi daha yoktur- ve son olarak Alplerin \u00f6tesinde yap\u0131lan her\u015fey, daha do\u011frusu berisinde… Rossini\u2019den ge\u00e7emem; hele musikideki g\u00fcneyimden, Venedikli maestro\u2019m Pietro Gastit\u2019den hi\u00e7 mi hi\u00e7. Alplerin \u00f6tesi derken, asl\u0131nda Venedik demek istiyorum. Biliyorum., hi\u00e7 mi hi\u00e7. Alplerin \u00f6tesi derken, asl\u0131nda Venedik demek istiyorum. Biliyorum, g\u00fcneyi korkuyla \u00fcrpermeksizin d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnememek nas\u0131l bir mutluluktur.<\/p>\n K\u00f6pr\u00fcn\u00fcn \u00fczerinde duruyordum ge\u00e7ende, Benim ruhum, g\u00f6r\u00fcnmez parmaklar\u0131n VIII B\u00fcy\u00fck harcamalar\u0131m\u0131z \u00e7ok s\u0131k yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck harcamalard\u0131r. Savmak da, yan\u0131na yakla\u015ft\u0131rmamak da bir harcamad\u0131r, -bunda yan\u0131lmamal\u0131 insan-, olumsuz ama\u00e7lara harcanm\u0131\u015f g\u00fc\u00e7t\u00fcr. \u0130nsan s\u00fcrekli savunma zorunlulu\u011fu i\u00e7inde, kendini art\u0131k savunamaz oluncaya dek g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fcz d\u00fc\u015febilir. -Diyelim ki \u015fu anda d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yorum ve kar\u015f\u0131mda sessiz, soylu Torino yerine bir Alman kasabas\u0131 buluyorum: O yavan ve korkak d\u00fcnya i\u00e7ime dolmas\u0131n diye, i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcmle kabu\u011fuma \u00e7ekiliverirdim hemen. Ya da o ta\u015f \u00fcst\u00fcne kurulmu\u015f ay\u0131p, hi\u00e7bir \u015feyin kendinden b\u00fcy\u00fcmedi\u011fi, iyi, k\u00f6t\u00fc her\u015feyin s\u00fcr\u00fcklenip getirildi\u011fi b\u00fcy\u00fck Alman kenti \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131ma. Bu durumda kirpi olmaz m\u0131yd\u0131m? -Ama dikenleri olmak savunganl\u0131kt\u0131r; hele ellerimiz a\u00e7\u0131k durmak varken hal b\u00f6yle ise, o zaman iki kat l\u00fckst\u00fcr…<\/p>\n Ba\u015fka bir ak\u0131ll\u0131l\u0131k ve kendini savunma yolu da, insan\u0131n elden geldi\u011fince seyrek tepki g\u00f6stermesi, \u201c\u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc\u201d, insiyatifini rafa koyup salt bir tepkin olmak zorunda kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 durumlardan ve ili\u015fkilerden ka\u015f\u0131nmas\u0131d\u0131r. Kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131rma yapmak i\u00e7in, kitaplarla al\u0131\u015fveri\u015fimizi alal\u0131m. Asl\u0131nda yaln\u0131z kitap a\u00e7\u0131p kapayan bilgin -orta yetenekte bir filolog i\u00e7in g\u00fcnde yakla\u015f\u0131k olarak iki y\u00fcz tane- sonunda kendili\u011finden d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnme yetisini iyiden iyiye yitirir. Kitap kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rm\u0131yorsa d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmez de. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrken bir uyar\u0131ma (okunmu\u015f bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceye) yan\u0131t verir. -yaln\u0131zca tepki g\u00f6sterir art\u0131k. Bilgin b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fc evet ve hay\u0131r demeye, \u00e7oktan d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f olanlar\u0131 ele\u015ftirmeye harcar, -kendisi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmez olur… Kendini savunma i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fc bozulmu\u015ftur onda; ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc olsa, kitaplara kar\u015f\u0131 kendini savunurdu. Bilgin demek d\u00e9cadent demek. G\u00f6z\u00fcmle g\u00f6rd\u00fcm bunu: Yetenekli, verimli, \u00f6zg\u00fcr yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015flar, daha otuz ya\u015flar\u0131nda \u201cokumaktan \u00e7\u00f6km\u00fc\u015fler\u201d, kibrit gibiler art\u0131k; k\u0131v\u0131lc\u0131m, \u201cd\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce\u201d verebilmeleri i\u00e7in s\u00fcrtmek gerek. -Daha sabah\u0131n k\u00f6r\u00fcnde, insan din\u00e7ken, g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fcn kuvvetinin \u015fafa\u011f\u0131ndayken, bir kitap a\u00e7mak, -ay\u0131p derim buna!<\/p>\n IX Bunlarda b\u00fcy\u00fck bir ak\u0131ll\u0131l\u0131k, belki de en \u00fcst\u00fcn ak\u0131l\u0131l\u0131k kendini g\u00f6sterir: Yokolmaya g\u00f6t\u00fcren bir yoldur burada nosce te ipsum; oysa kendini unutmak, yanl\u0131\u015f anlamak, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcltmek, daraltmak, orta de\u011ferde yapmak sa\u011fduyunun ta kendisidir. T\u00f6rel deyi\u015fle: \u0130yilikseverlik, ba\u015fkas\u0131 i\u00e7in ya\u015fama ve benzerleri, en sert bencilli\u011fin s\u00fcrd\u00fcr\u00fclmesinde koruyucu \u00f6nlem olabilirler. \u0130\u015fte budur kendi kurallar\u0131ma, kan\u0131\u015flar\u0131ma kar\u015f\u0131 o \u201c\u00e7\u0131kar g\u00f6zetmeyen\u201d d\u00fcrt\u00fclerden yana oldu\u011fum ayr\u0131k durum; Bencilli\u011fin, kendini s\u0131k\u0131ya koyman\u0131n hizmetindedirler burada.<\/p>\n Bilincinin b\u00fct\u00fcn y\u00fczeyini -ki bilin\u00e7 bir y\u00fczeydir- herhangi bir b\u00fcy\u00fck buyruktan uzak tutmal\u0131 insan. B\u00fcy\u00fck s\u00f6zlerden, b\u00fcy\u00fck davran\u0131\u015flardan bile sak\u0131nmal\u0131! Hepsi de i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcn\u00fcn kendini \u00e7ok erken \u201cbilmesinden\u201d do\u011facak tehlikeler. -Bu arada o \u00f6rgenle\u015ftiri, o egemen olacak \u201cd\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u201d derinlerde b\u00fcy\u00fcr serpilir; buyurma\u011fa ba\u015flar, a\u011f\u0131r a\u011f\u0131r yan yollardan, yanl\u0131\u015f yollardan \u00e7ekip \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131r: G\u00fcn\u00fcn birinde b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcn ger\u00e7ekle\u015fmesi i\u00e7in vazge\u00e7ilmez ara\u00e7lar olduklar\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fclecek o nitelikleri, uzluklar\u0131 birer birer haz\u0131rlar; hepsini y\u00f6netecek olan \u00f6devden, \u201chedef\u201d, \u201cama\u00e7\u201d ve anlamdan hi\u00e7bir \u015fey sezdirmeksizin, hizmet edecek t\u00fcm yetkileri s\u0131ras\u0131yla olu\u015fturur. -Bu yandan bak\u0131nca ya\u015fam\u0131n d\u00fcped\u00fcz mucizeliktir.<\/p>\n De\u011ferleri yenileyi\u015f \u00f6devi i\u00e7in, belki de tek kimsede bir arada hi\u00e7 bulunmam\u0131\u015f yetilerin, her\u015feyden \u00f6nce de kar\u015f\u0131t yetilerin, birbirlerini y\u0131k\u0131p yoketmeksizin bende olmas\u0131 gerekiyordu. Yetiler aras\u0131nda bir a\u015fama s\u0131ras\u0131, aral\u0131klar, d\u00fc\u015fman etmeksizin ayr\u0131 ayr\u0131 tutma sanat\u0131, hi\u00e7bir \u015feyi kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmamak, \u201cbar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmamak\u201d; gene de kaosun kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131 olan korkun\u00e7 bir \u00e7okluk, -bu i\u015fin \u00f6nko\u015fulu, i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcm\u00fcn uzun, gizli \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmas\u0131 ve sanat\u00e7\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 buydu i\u015fte. Koruyuculu\u011fu \u00f6yle ak\u0131ll\u0131ca, \u00f6yle g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fcyd\u00fc ki, i\u00e7imde ne b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcn hi\u00e7bir zaman fark\u0131na varmad\u0131m bile; t\u00fcm yetilerim g\u00fcn\u00fcn birinde olgunla\u015fm\u0131\u015f olarak en son yetkinlikleriyle a\u00e7\u0131verdiler birden. \u00c7abalam\u0131\u015f oldu\u011fumu hi\u00e7 an\u0131msam\u0131yorum, ya\u015fam\u0131mda bir tek bo\u011fu\u015fma izi g\u00f6sterilemez; yi\u011fit\u00e7e bir yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131y\u0131m ben.<\/p>\n Bir \u015fey \u201cistemek\u201d, bir\u015feye \u201cg\u00f6z dikip u\u011fra\u015fmak\u201d, bir \u201camac\u0131n\u201d, bir \u201cdile\u011fin\u201d ard\u0131ndan ko\u015fmak -ba\u015f\u0131mdan ge\u00e7mi\u015f \u015feyler de\u011fil hi\u00e7biri. \u015eu anda bile gelece\u011fime -engin bir gelecek- dalgas\u0131z bir denize bakar gibi bak\u0131yorum: Bir tek istek k\u0131r\u0131\u015ft\u0131rm\u0131yor onu. Bir\u015feyin oldu\u011fundan ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc… Ama hep b\u00f6yle ya\u015fad\u0131m ben. Bir tek \u015fey dilemedim. K\u0131rk d\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc ya\u015f\u0131n\u0131 doldurmu\u015f bir kimse, \u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f, kad\u0131nm\u0131\u015f, paraym\u0131\u015f, hi\u00e7bir zaman umursamad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sayleyebilsin! -\u0130stesem bunlar\u0131 elde edemez miydim… \u00d6rne\u011fin profes\u00f6r oldum g\u00fcn\u00fcn birinde; akl\u0131m\u0131n k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131ndan ge\u00e7irmemi\u015ftim bunu, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc 24 ya\u015f\u0131mda ya var ya da yoktum. Ondan iki y\u0131l \u00f6nce de bir g\u00fcn filolog oluvermi\u015ftim: \u015e\u00f6yle ki, \u00f6\u011fretmenim Ritschl benim i\u00e7in her anlamda ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7 olan ilk filoloji \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmam\u0131 \u201cRheinisches Museum\u201dundan bast\u0131rmak \u00fczere istemi\u015fti benden. (Ritschl, sayg\u0131yla s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorum- \u015fimdiye dek g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm biricik d\u00e2hi bilgindi. Biz Th\u00fcringen\u2019lileri ba\u015fkalar\u0131ndan ay\u0131ran, bir Alman\u0131 bile sevimli yapan o cana yak\u0131n ba\u015ftan \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015fl\u0131k vard\u0131 onda. Bizler, do\u011fruya varmak i\u00e7in de olsa, dolamba\u00e7l\u0131 yollar\u0131 se\u00e7eriz gene. Bu s\u00f6zlerim, daha yak\u0131n hem\u015ferimi, bilgi\u00e7 Leopold von Ranke\u2019y\u0131 a\u015falad\u0131\u011f\u0131m anlam\u0131na al\u0131nmamal\u0131…)<\/p>\n <\/span>X Bug\u00fcne dek en birinci insanlar diye sayg\u0131 g\u00f6renleri kendimle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, aram\u0131zda elle tutulurcas\u0131na bir ayr\u0131m g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Bu s\u00f6zde \u201cbirinci\u201dleri insandan saym\u0131yorum bile, -onlar benim g\u00f6z\u00fcmde insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n d\u00f6k\u00fcnt\u00fcleri, hastal\u0131\u011f\u0131n, \u00f6nce susam\u0131\u015f i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fclerin do\u011furtmalar\u0131d\u0131r; y\u0131k\u0131m getiren, asl\u0131nda onulmaz canavarlard\u0131r hepsi; ya\u015famdan \u00f6\u00e7 al\u0131rlar… Bunun kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131 olmak istiyorum ben: Sa\u011flam i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcn\u00fcn t\u00fcm belirtilerine kar\u015f\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fck bir duyarl\u0131kt\u0131r benim ayr\u0131cal\u0131\u011f\u0131m. Bende sayr\u0131ll\u0131\u011f\u0131n hi\u00e7bir izi bulunmaz; en a\u011f\u0131r hasta oldu\u011fum zamanlar bile sayr\u0131l de\u011fildim; bo\u015funa aras\u0131n\u0131z herhangi bir ba\u011fnazl\u0131k belirtisini bende. Ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n hi\u00e7bir an\u0131nda kurumland\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, etkileyici bir tav\u0131r tak\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6steremezsiniz. Tav\u0131rlarda etkililik b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fck demek de\u011fildir; genellikle tav\u0131r tak\u0131nmadan edemeyen kimse d\u00fczmecinin biridir… G\u00f6z al\u0131c\u0131 insanlardan sak\u0131n\u0131n! -Ya\u015fam benim i\u00e7in kolayd\u0131, \u00f6zellikle benden en a\u011f\u0131r \u015feyleri istedi\u011fi zamanlar. Bu g\u00fcz, benden sonraki bin y\u0131llar\u0131n sorumlulu\u011funu duyarak, ne \u00f6rne\u011fi olan, ne benzeri yap\u0131lacak en y\u00fcksek i\u015fleri hi\u00e7 ara vermeden \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131\u011f\u0131m o yetmi\u015f g\u00fcn i\u00e7inde beni g\u00f6renler, en k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir gerginlik sezmezlerdir bende; tam tersine dipdiri oldu\u011fumu, sevin\u00e7ten kab\u0131ma s\u0131\u011famad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcrlerdi. Hi\u00e7 b\u00f6yle seve seve yememi\u015f, b\u00f6yle iyi uyumam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, -B\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6devlerle d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcp kalkman\u0131n bir tek yolu vard\u0131r bence, o da oyundur; b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn belirtisidir bu, ana ko\u015fullar\u0131ndan biridir.<\/p>\n En k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck zorlama, as\u0131k bir y\u00fcz, ses tonunda en ufak bir sertle\u015fme, hepsi birer itirazd\u0131r bir kimsenin ki\u015fili\u011fine; yap\u0131t\u0131 i\u00e7inse haydi haydi \u00f6yledir!… Sinir diye bir \u015fey olmamal\u0131 adamda… Yaln\u0131zl\u0131ktan ac\u0131 \u00e7ekmek de bir itirazd\u0131r, -ben kendim hep \u201c\u00e7okluk\u201ddan ac\u0131 \u00e7ektim… Ak\u0131l almaz derecede erkenden, daha yedi ya\u015f\u0131mda, hi\u00e7bir insanca s\u00f6z\u00fcn bana ula\u015fmayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 biliyordum; bu y\u00fczden \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc g\u00f6ren var m\u0131 hi\u00e7? Bug\u00fcn bile herkese her zamanki g\u00f6n\u00fcl al\u0131c\u0131 davran\u0131yorum, en a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 olanlara bile de\u011fer veriyorum; bunda bir damla olsun kendini be\u011fenmi\u015flik, gizli bir k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmseme yok. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmsedi\u011fim kimse farkeder bunu: Yaln\u0131zca orada olu\u015fum bile, damarlar\u0131nda k\u00f6t\u00fc kan akanlar\u0131 \u00f6fkelendirir… Bir insan\u0131n b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc belli eden bence amor fati\u2019dir; insan\u0131n hi\u00e7bir \u015feyi ge\u00e7mi\u015fte, gelecekte, sonsuza dek ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc istememesidir. Zorunlulu\u011fu yaln\u0131zca katlanmak, hele onu gizlemek yetmez -her t\u00fcrl\u00fc \u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fck zorunlulu\u011fa kar\u015f\u0131 bir aldatmacad\u0131r-, i\u015f onu sevmekte…<\/p>\n I Doktor Heinrich von Stein bir kez Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcm\u00fcn tek s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc bile anlayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan a\u00e7\u0131k s\u00f6zl\u00fcl\u00fckle yak\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, ona bunun b\u00f6yle olmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini s\u00f6ylemi\u015ftim: Onun alt\u0131 c\u00fcmleci\u011fini anlamak, yani ya\u015fam\u0131\u015f olmak, “\u00e7a\u011fda\u015f” insanlar\u0131n \u00e7\u0131kabilece\u011finden \u00e7ok daha y\u00fckseklere g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcr \u00f6l\u00fcml\u00fcleri. Bende ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131n bu duygusu varken, tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m “\u00e7a\u011fda\u015flar\u0131n” beni yaln\u0131zca okumu\u015f olmalar\u0131 bile isteyebilir miyim hi\u00e7? Benim utkum Schopenhauer’inkinin tam tersindedir, -ben “non legor, non legar” (Okunmuyorum, okunmayaca\u011f\u0131m. Ba\u015fyap\u0131t\u0131 “\u0130stem ve Tasar\u0131m Olarak D\u00fcnya” neden sonra sat\u0131lmaya ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, Schopenhauer sevin\u00e7le “legor legar” -okunuyorum, okunaca\u011f\u0131m- demi\u015fti) diyorum.<\/p>\n Sak\u0131n yaz\u0131lar\u0131ma “hay\u0131r” deyi\u015flerindeki b\u00f6nl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn bana tatt\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131 e\u011flenceyi k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcms\u00fcyorum san\u0131lmas\u0131n. Daha bu yaz, a\u011f\u0131r, pek a\u011f\u0131r basan yaz\u0131lar\u0131mla belki de ba\u015ftanba\u015fa yaz\u0131 alan\u0131n\u0131n dengesini sarst\u0131\u011f\u0131m s\u0131ralar, Berlin \u00dcniversitesi profes\u00f6rlerinden biri b\u00fct\u00fcn iyi niyetiyle bana sezdirmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131: Ba\u015fka bir bi\u00e7imde yazmal\u0131ym\u0131\u015f\u0131m art\u0131k; kimse okumuyormu\u015f b\u00f6ylesini. -Bunun en a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 iki \u00f6rne\u011fi sonunda Almanya’da de\u011fil de \u0130svi\u00e7re’de \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. Dr. V. Widmann’\u0131n (\u0130svi\u00e7reli yazar. “Bund” dergisi y\u00f6neticilerinden.) “Bund” dergisinde, “\u0130yi ve K\u00f6t\u00fcn\u00fcn \u00d6tesinde” \u00fczerine “Nietzsche’nin Tehlikeli Kitab\u0131” ba\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla \u00e7\u0131kan yaz\u0131s\u0131 ve gene “Bund”da Bay Karl Spitteler’in (\u0130svi\u00e7reli ozan. Nobel \u00f6d\u00fcl\u00fc -1919-) genel olarak yaz\u0131lar\u0131m \u00fcst\u00fcne toptan bir incelemesi: Bunlar benim ya\u015fam\u0131mda bir doruktur, neyin doruklar\u0131n\u0131 olduklar\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6ylemeyeyim… \u00d6rne\u011fin bu sonuncusu, Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcm\u00fc “y\u00fcksek deyi\u015f al\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmas\u0131” olarak inceliyor, bundan b\u00f6yle \u00f6ze de gereken \u00f6nemi vermemi diliyordu; Dr. Widmann’a gelince, t\u00fcm edepli duygular\u0131n k\u00f6k\u00fcn\u00fc kaz\u0131makta g\u00f6sterdi\u011fim y\u00fcreklili\u011fi alk\u0131\u015fl\u0131yordu o da. Rastlant\u0131n\u0131n ufak bir cilvesi sonucu, burada her c\u00fcmle, hayran oldu\u011fum bir tutarl\u0131l\u0131kla, ba\u015f a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 \u00e7evrilmi\u015f bir do\u011fruyu s\u00f6yl\u00fcyordu: Demek istediklerimin hem de ilgin\u00e7 bir yoldan, tam \u00fcst\u00fcne basmak i\u00e7in bir tek \u015fey gerekliydi, “t\u00fcm de\u011ferleri tersine \u00e7evirmek”. Kendimi a\u00e7\u0131klamam bir kat daha \u00f6nem kazan\u0131yor bu y\u00fczden. -\u015eu da var ki, hi\u00e7 kimse bir \u015feyden -kitaplar da giriyor bunun i\u00e7ine- zaten bildi\u011finden \u00e7o\u011funu \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131p alamaz. Bir\u015fey bize ya\u015fant\u0131 yoluyla a\u00e7\u0131k de\u011filse onu duyacak kulak da yoktur bizde. A\u015f\u0131r\u0131 bir \u00f6rnek verelim: Bir kitap d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcn ki, ba\u015ftanba\u015fa yeni ya\u015fant\u0131lardan s\u00f6z a\u00e7\u0131yor, s\u0131k s\u0131k olsun, seyrek olsun, f\u0131rsat\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kmayacak ya\u015fant\u0131lardan, -bir dizi yepyeni ya\u015fant\u0131 i\u00e7in yepyeni bir dildir; bu durumda kimse bir \u015fey duyamaz; \u015fu i\u015fitme yan\u0131lg\u0131s\u0131 da birlikte gelir: Bir \u015fey duyulmayan yerde, bir \u015fey yoktur da… Benim kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131n ortalamas\u0131, isterseniz \u00f6zg\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc diyelim, budur i\u015fte. Benden bir \u015fey anlamad\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 sananlar, kendi boylar\u0131na g\u00f6re kesip bi\u00e7tiler beni; tam kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131m\u0131, \u00f6rne\u011fin bir “\u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fc” yapt\u0131klar\u0131 da oldu benden. Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey anlamayanlarsa, iler tutar yerimi b\u0131rakmad\u0131lar. -“\u00c7a\u011fda\u015f” insanlar\u0131n, “iyi” insanlar\u0131n, H\u0131ristiyanlar\u0131n ve \u00f6b\u00fcr “nihilist”lerin kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131n\u0131, en y\u00fcksek yetkinlik \u00f6rne\u011fini g\u00f6steren “\u00fcstinsan” s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fc, t\u00f6reler y\u0131k\u0131c\u0131s\u0131 Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’in a\u011fz\u0131nda d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcr\u00fcc\u00fc bir s\u00f6zc\u00fck, hemen her yerde tam bir b\u00f6nl\u00fckle Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn ki\u015fili\u011finde canland\u0131r\u0131lan de\u011ferlerin tersine anla\u015f\u0131ld\u0131, daha y\u00fcksek bir insan t\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcn “\u00fclk\u00fcsel” \u00f6rne\u011fi olarak, yar\u0131 “ermi\u015f”, yar\u0131 “deha” olarak anla\u015f\u0131ld\u0131… Bilgi\u00e7 ge\u00e7inen kimi b\u00fcy\u00fck ba\u015f hayvan, beni onun y\u00fcz\u00fcnden Darwincilikle su\u00e7lad\u0131; o kendi de bilmeden, istemeden olmu\u015f b\u00fcy\u00fck kalpazan\u0131n, Carlyle’\u0131n \u00f6ylesine hoyrat\u00e7a \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fctt\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm “yi\u011fitlere tap\u0131nma”s\u0131n\u0131 bile se\u00e7ip tan\u0131yanlar \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’te. Kimin kula\u011f\u0131na, Parsifal yerine Cesare Borgia aramas\u0131n\u0131 f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131msa, hi\u00e7 inanamad\u0131 kulaklar\u0131na. -Kitaplar\u0131m \u00fcst\u00fcne, \u00f6zellikle gazetelerde \u00e7\u0131kan yaz\u0131lar\u0131 hi\u00e7 merak etmeyi\u015fim ho\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fclmeli. Dostlar\u0131m, yay\u0131mlay\u0131c\u0131lar\u0131m bunu bildiklerinden, o konuda a\u00e7mazlar a\u011f\u0131zlar\u0131n\u0131. Yaln\u0131z bir sefer, tek bir kitaba kar\u015f\u0131 -ki “\u0130yi ve K\u00f6t\u00fcn\u00fcn \u00d6tesinde” idi- i\u015flenen g\u00fcnahlar\u0131n t\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fc birden g\u00f6rebildim; neler neler s\u00f6ylemezdim bu konuda. Bilmem inan\u0131r m\u0131s\u0131n\u0131z, “Nationalzeitung” -yabanc\u0131 okuyucular\u0131m bilmezler, bir Prusya gazetesidir; ben kendi pay\u0131ma, izin verirseniz, yaln\u0131z Journal des D\u00e9bats okurum -evet o gazete, b\u00fct\u00fcn ciddili\u011fiyle, kitab\u0131m\u0131 “\u00e7a\u011f\u0131n belirtisi”, ta\u015fra soylular\u0131n\u0131n ger\u00e7ek felsefesi olarak yorumluyordu; g\u00f6ze alabilse, “Kreuzzeitung”un da yazaca\u011f\u0131 bu olurdu ancak…<\/p>\n II III IV V VI TRAGEDYA’NIN DO\u011eU\u015eU II III IV <\/p>\n \u00c7A\u011eDI\u015eI YAZILAR<\/strong> <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n I II III \u0130NSANCA, PEK \u0130NSANCA I II III O zaman i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcm, raz\u0131 olman\u0131n, ba\u015fkalar\u0131na uymam\u0131n, kendimi onlarla bir tutman\u0131n daha da uzun s\u00fcrmesine kar\u015f\u0131 k\u0131yas\u0131ya cephe ald\u0131. Ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7ta toylu\u011fumdan i\u00e7ine d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm, sonra da o “\u00f6dev duygusu” denilen \u015fey y\u00fcz\u00fcnden saplan\u0131p kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu hi\u00e7 yak\u0131\u015fmayan “\u00e7\u0131kar g\u00f6zetmezlik” tense, her t\u00fcrl\u00fc ya\u015fama, elveri\u015fsiz ko\u015fullara, hastal\u0131\u011fa, yoksullu\u011fa katlanmak bence ye\u011fdi. Babamdan ge\u00e7me o k\u00f6t\u00fc kal\u0131t -ki asl\u0131nda bir erken \u00f6l\u00fcm an\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131yd\u0131- i\u015fte o s\u0131ra ve tam zaman\u0131nda \u00f6yle bir imdad\u0131ma yeti\u015fti ki, ne denli hayran olsam azd\u0131r buna. Beni bozu\u015fmaya, hat\u0131r g\u00f6n\u00fcl k\u0131rmaya, g\u00f6ze batacak davran\u0131\u015flara b\u0131rakmaks\u0131z\u0131n, yava\u015f\u00e7a \u00e7ekip kurtard\u0131 hastal\u0131k. Kimsenin bana kar\u015f\u0131 iyi duygular\u0131nda bir azalma olmad\u0131, artma bile oldu tersine. Ayr\u0131ca hastal\u0131k, al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131 t\u00fcm\u00fcyle k\u00f6k\u00fcnden de\u011fi\u015ftirme hakk\u0131n\u0131 verdi bana; unutmama izin verdi, buyurdu bunu. Gene onun ba\u011f\u0131\u015f\u0131yd\u0131 o s\u0131rt\u00fcst\u00fc yatmak, aylak gezmek, beklemek, sabretmek, k\u0131saca d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek zorunlulu\u011fu… G\u00f6zlerimin durumu yetti tek ba\u015f\u0131na, her t\u00fcrl\u00fc kitap kemiricili\u011fe, a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a filolojiye paydos ettim: “kitap”tan kurtulmu\u015ftum, y\u0131llarca hi\u00e7bir \u015fey okumad\u0131m art\u0131k, -\u015fimdiye dek kendime yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m en b\u00fcy\u00fck iyilik bu oldu!- s\u00fcrekli olarak ba\u015fka benlikleri dinlemekten -ba\u015fka nedir ki okumak?- iyice dibe g\u00f6m\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f, sesi solu\u011fu kesilmi\u015f o en derin benli\u011fim yava\u015f yava\u015f uyand\u0131, \u00f6nce \u00e7ekingen ve \u015f\u00fcpheciydi, ama sonra yeniden konu\u015fmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n o en hasta, en ac\u0131l\u0131 g\u00fcnlerinde kendimden duydu\u011fum mutlulu\u011fu ba\u015fka zaman duymad\u0131m hi\u00e7. Bu “kendime d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f”\u00fcn benim i\u00e7in ne anlama geldi\u011fini anlayabilmek i\u00e7in, “Tan K\u0131z\u0131ll\u0131\u011f\u0131”na ya da “Gezgin ve G\u00f6lgesi”ne bir g\u00f6z atmak yeter: En y\u00fcksek anlam\u0131yla bir iyile\u015fmeydi bu! Gerisi kendili\u011finden geldi.<\/p>\n V VI \n TAN KIZILLI\u011eI I II \u015eEN B\u0130L\u0130M I Ey sen ki elinde alevden m\u0131zrak, D\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc kitab\u0131n bitiminde, Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn ilk s\u00f6zlerinin o elmas g\u00fczellikleriyle \u0131\u015f\u0131ldad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6ren ya da \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc kitab\u0131n sonunda, bir yazg\u0131n\u0131n t\u00fcm \u00e7a\u011flar i\u00e7in ilk kez dile geldi\u011fi o granitten yontulmu\u015f c\u00fcmleleri okuyan kimse, buradaki “en y\u00fcce umutlar” nedir, art\u0131k \u015f\u00fcphe edebilir mi? \u00c7o\u011funlu\u011fu Sicilya’da yaz\u0131lan Yasa Tan\u0131maz Prens’in T\u00fcrk\u00fcleri, do\u011frudan do\u011fruya Provence ekinindeki (12. ve 13. y\u00fczy\u0131llarda, \u00f6zellikle g\u00fcney Fransa’da, kuzey \u0130talya’da ve Sicilya’da geli\u015fen saray ekini.) “gaya scienza” kavram\u0131n\u0131, o t\u00fcrk\u00fcc\u00fc, \u015f\u00f6valye ve \u00f6zg\u00fcr d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr bile\u015fimini an\u0131msat\u0131r; o erken do\u011fmu\u015f, e\u015fsiz Provence uygarl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, kendinden sonra gelen ne id\u00fc\u011f\u00fc belirsiz uygarl\u0131klardan ay\u0131rdeden de bu bile\u015fimdir. \u00d6zellikle, “Mistral’e” ba\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131yan sonuncu t\u00fcrk\u00fc, t\u00f6re’nin \u00fczerinden s\u0131\u00e7ray\u0131p ge\u00e7en o co\u015fmu\u015f dans havas\u0131n\u0131, sap\u0131na dek bir Provence i\u015fidir.<\/p>\n ZERD\u00dc\u015eT B\u00d6YLE DED\u0130 I II III IV V VI <\/span> VII Gecedir: Y\u00fcksek sesle konu\u015fuyor t\u00fcm f\u0131\u015fk\u0131ran \u00e7e\u015fmeler \u015fimdi. Ve benim ruhum da bir \u00e7e\u015fmedir f\u0131\u015fk\u0131ran.<\/p>\n Gecedir: Yeni yeni uyan\u0131yor sevenlerin t\u00fcrk\u00fcleri. Ve benim ruhum da bir sevenin t\u00fcrk\u00fcs\u00fcd\u00fcr.<\/p>\n Dinmeyen, dinme bilmez bir\u015fey var i\u00e7imde, ses olmak istiyor. \u0130\u00e7imde sevgiye susam\u0131\u015fl\u0131k var, sevginin dilini konu\u015fuyor kendisi.<\/p>\n I\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m ben: Gece olayd\u0131m ke\u015fke! Ama budur i\u015fte benim yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131m, \u00e7epe\u00e7evre \u0131\u015f\u0131kla sar\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmam.<\/p>\n Ah, karanl\u0131k olayd\u0131m, gece olayd\u0131m! Nas\u0131l emerdim \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n memelerinden! Ama \u00f6z \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131mla ya\u015f\u0131yorum ben, gene ben i\u00e7iyorum benden ta\u015fan alevleri. Budur benim yoksullu\u011fum, elim durup dinlemeden ba\u011f\u0131\u015fl\u0131yor; budur \u00e7ekemedi\u011fim, bekleyen g\u00f6zler g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum hep, \u00f6zleyi\u015fin ayd\u0131nlanm\u0131\u015f gecelerini.<\/p>\n Vay, ba\u011f\u0131\u015flayanlar\u0131n mutsuzlu\u011fu, vay! G\u00fcne\u015fimin kararmas\u0131! Vay susamaya susam\u0131\u015f olmak! Vay a\u00e7l\u0131ktan k\u0131vranmak doymu\u015flu\u011fun i\u00e7inde!<\/p>\n Ger\u00e7i benden al\u0131yorlar: Ama elim ruhlar\u0131na dokunuyor mu daha? Bir u\u00e7urum vard\u0131r vermekle almak aras\u0131nda, -ve en k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck u\u00e7urumdur en zor kapanan. Dolulu\u011fum b\u00f6yle bir \u00f6\u00e7 kuruyor, b\u00f6yle bir kalle\u015flik s\u0131z\u0131yor yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan. Durmadan ba\u011f\u0131\u015flayan i\u00e7in tehlike, utanmay\u0131 unutmakt\u0131r; hep da\u011f\u0131tan kimsenin elleri, y\u00fcre\u011fi nas\u0131r ba\u011flar da\u011f\u0131tmaktan.<\/p>\n G\u00f6z\u00fcm ya\u015farm\u0131yor art\u0131k yalvaran\u0131n utanmas\u0131 \u00f6n\u00fcnde; sertle\u015fen elim art\u0131k duymuyor o dolu ellerin titreyi\u015fini.<\/p>\n G\u00f6z\u00fcmde o ya\u015f damlas\u0131 nereye gitti, y\u00fcre\u011fimde o belirsiz \u00fcrperi\u015f? Vay, yapayaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 t\u00fcm ba\u011f\u0131\u015flayanlar\u0131n! Vay, t\u00fcm \u0131\u015f\u0131ldayanlar\u0131n suskusu!<\/p>\n Iss\u0131z uzayda nice g\u00fcne\u015f d\u00f6n\u00fcyor: Karanl\u0131k ne varsa, hepsine konu\u015fuyorlar \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131yla -yaln\u0131z bana susuyorlar.<\/p>\n I\u015f\u0131yanlara kar\u015f\u0131 budur d\u00fc\u015fmanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n: Ac\u0131madan gider kendi yoluna. Amans\u0131z istemlerine uyup giderler: Budur so\u011fuklu\u011fu onlar\u0131n.<\/p>\n Yaln\u0131z sizler, ey karanl\u0131k, ey gecesel olanlar, siz \u0131s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131n\u0131z onlar\u0131n \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131nda!<\/p>\n Yaln\u0131z siz susuzlu\u011funuzu dindirirsiniz, emersiniz \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n memelerinden!<\/p>\n Ah, d\u00f6rt bir yan\u0131m buz; donmu\u015f \u015feylere de\u011fmekten yan\u0131yor elim! Ah, i\u00e7imde susuzluk var, sizin susuzlu\u011funuz i\u00e7in yan\u0131p tutu\u015fuyor.<\/p>\n Gecedir: Neden b\u00f6yle \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m ben! Geceye susam\u0131\u015fl\u0131k! Yaln\u0131zl\u0131k!<\/p>\n Gecedir: Bir p\u0131nar gibi kayn\u0131yor i\u00e7imden iste\u011fim, -konu\u015fmak istiyorum.<\/p>\n Gecedir: Y\u00fcksek sesle konu\u015fuyor t\u00fcm f\u0131\u015fk\u0131ran \u00e7e\u015fmeler \u015fimdi. Ve benim ruhum da bir \u00e7e\u015fmedir f\u0131\u015fk\u0131ran.<\/p>\n Gecedir: \u015eimdi uyan\u0131yor i\u015fte sevenlerin t\u00fcrk\u00fcleri. Ve benim ruhum da bir sevenin t\u00fcrk\u00fcs\u00fcd\u00fcr.-<\/p>\n VIII \u0130nsanlar aras\u0131nda, gelece\u011fin k\u0131r\u0131k par\u00e7alar\u0131 aras\u0131nda gibi dola\u015f\u0131yorum: O g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm gelece\u011fin.<\/p>\n Derdim g\u00fcn\u00fcm bu benim, k\u0131r\u0131k par\u00e7a, bilmece, \u00fcrk\u00fcn\u00e7 rastlant\u0131 olan her\u015feyi toplamak, tek bir\u015fey yaratmak.<\/p>\n Nas\u0131l katlan\u0131rd\u0131m insan olmaya, ayn\u0131 zamanda ozan, bilici, rastlant\u0131n\u0131n kurtar\u0131c\u0131s\u0131 olmasayd\u0131 insan?<\/p>\n T\u00fcm ge\u00e7mi\u015fi kurtarmak, “b\u00f6yleydi” denilen her\u015feyi yeni ba\u015ftan yaratmak “ben b\u00f6yle isterdim” diye, -benim i\u00e7in bu olurdu ancak kurtulu\u015f.<\/p>\n Zerd\u00fc\u015ft ba\u015fka bir yerde de, olabildi\u011fince kat\u0131 y\u00fcreklilikle, kendisi i\u00e7in “insan” ancak ne olabilir, bunu anlat\u0131yor, -bir sevgi, hele ac\u0131ma konusu de\u011fil hi\u00e7, -insandan o b\u00fcy\u00fck tiksinmeyi de yenmi\u015ftir Zerd\u00fc\u015ft: Onun g\u00f6z\u00fcnde insan bi\u00e7imlenmemi\u015f \u00f6zdektir, yontucusunu bekleyen \u00e7irkin bir ta\u015ft\u0131r.<\/p>\n Art\u0131k hi\u00e7 istememek, art\u0131k de\u011fer bi\u00e7memek, art\u0131k hi\u00e7 yaratmamak: Bu b\u00fcy\u00fck yorgunluk benden \u0131rak olsun hep!<\/p>\n Bilip tan\u0131rken bile, istemimin do\u011furtmaktan, olu\u015ftan ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 tad\u0131 duyuyorum yaln\u0131zca; benim bilgim bir \u00e7ocuk gibi ar\u0131ksa, onda do\u011furtma istemi oldu\u011fu i\u00e7indir.<\/p>\n Bu istem tanr\u0131dan, tanr\u0131lardan uza\u011fa al\u0131p g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc beni: Yaratacak ne kal\u0131rd\u0131, tanr\u0131lar… varolsayd\u0131?<\/p>\n Ama beni hi\u00e7 durmadan insana do\u011fru \u00e7ekti bu yan\u0131p tutu\u015fan yaratma iste\u011fim; ta\u015f\u0131 b\u00f6yle arar \u00e7eki\u00e7 de.<\/p>\n Bilseniz, nas\u0131l bir yontu ta\u015fta benim i\u00e7in, o yontular yontusu! Ah, ta\u015flar\u0131n en sertinde, en \u00e7irkininde mi uyumal\u0131yd\u0131 b\u00f6yle!<\/p>\n Azg\u0131nca vuruyor \u015fimdi \u00e7ekicim, ac\u0131madan vuruyor onu tutsak eden ta\u015fa. Yongalar savruluyor: Vars\u0131n savrulsun!<\/p>\n Onu tamamlayaca\u011f\u0131m; bir g\u00f6lge geldi g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc bana, -t\u00fcm \u015feylerin en e\u015fsizi, en t\u00fcy gibisi g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc bana bir kez!<\/p>\n G\u00f6lge olup geldi bana \u00fcstinsan\u0131n g\u00fczelli\u011fi: Bundan b\u00f6yle bana ne… tanr\u0131lardan!..<\/p>\n Bu ko\u015fuklar dolay\u0131s\u0131yla, s\u0131ras\u0131 gelmi\u015fken, bir ba\u015fka g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fc de belirtmek isterim: \u00c7ekicin sertli\u011fi, yoketmenin kendisinden al\u0131nan tad, Dionysosca bir \u00f6dev i\u00e7in gerekli ba\u015fl\u0131ca ko\u015fullardand\u0131r. “Sert olun” buyru\u011fu, t\u00fcm yaratanlar\u0131n sert oldu\u011funu en b\u00fcy\u00fck kesinlikle bili\u015f, ger\u00e7ek belirtisidir Dionysosca bir yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131n.-<\/span><\/p>\n \n \u0130Y\u0130 VE K\u00d6T\u00dcN\u00dcN \u00d6TES\u0130NDE I II T\u00d6RE’N\u0130N SOYK\u00dcT\u00dc\u011e\u00dc I PUTLARIN BATI\u015eI I II III WAGNER OLAYI I II III IV NEDEN B\u0130R YAZGIYIM BEN II Gelmi\u015f ge\u00e7mi\u015f insanlar\u0131n rahat\u00e7a en korkuncuyum ben; hem de en \u00e7ok iyilik edeni olmayaca\u011f\u0131m anlam\u0131na gelmez bu. Yoketme g\u00fcc\u00fcmle orant\u0131l\u0131 olarak varm\u0131\u015f\u0131m yoketmenin tad\u0131na, -her ikisinde de, y\u0131kmay\u0131 olumlamadan ayr\u0131 tutmayan Dionysosca yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131ma uyuyorum. \u0130lk t\u00f6resizciyim ben: En \u00fcst\u00fcn yokediciyim b\u00f6ylelikle de.-<\/p>\n III IV V VI VII VIII IX Friedrich Nietzsche Çeviren: Can Alkor ECCOHOMO, İşi Nasıl Kendisi Olur NEDEN BÖYLE BİLGEYİM NEDEN BÖYLE AKILLIYIM ÖNSÖZ I Bu yakında insanlığın karşısına, şimdiye dek ona yöneltilmiş en çetin istekle çıkacağımı göz önüne alarak, önce kim olduğumu söylemeyi gerekli buluyorum. Aslında bilinmeliydi bu: “Kimliğimi saklamış” değilim çünkü. Ama ödevimin büyüklüğü ile çağdaşlarımın küçüklüğü arasındaki oransızlık şuradan 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\n<\/span> \u00c7eviren: Can Alkor
\nECCOHOMO, \u0130\u015fi Nas\u0131l Kendisi Olur<\/span><\/p>\n
\nNEDEN B\u00d6YLE AKILLIYIM<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nI
\n<\/b>Bu yak\u0131nda insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na, \u015fimdiye dek ona y\u00f6neltilmi\u015f en \u00e7etin istekle \u00e7\u0131kaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6z \u00f6n\u00fcne alarak, \u00f6nce kim oldu\u011fumu s\u00f6ylemeyi gerekli buluyorum. Asl\u0131nda bilinmeliydi bu: \u201cKimli\u011fimi saklam\u0131\u015f\u201d de\u011filim \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. Ama \u00f6devimin b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc ile \u00e7a\u011fda\u015flar\u0131m\u0131n k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc aras\u0131ndaki orans\u0131zl\u0131k \u015furadan belli ki, beni i\u015fitmediler, g\u00f6rmediler bile. Ben kendime a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131m krediyle ya\u015f\u0131yorum; belki ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m da bir \u00f6nyarg\u0131 yaln\u0131zca? Ya\u015famad\u0131\u011f\u0131ma kendimi inand\u0131rmam i\u00e7in, yazlar\u0131 Ober-Engadin\u2019e gelen \u201cayd\u0131nlar\u201ddan bir tekiyle konu\u015fmam yeter. Bu ko\u015fullar alt\u0131nda, al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131, i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fclerimin gururunu asl\u0131nda ayakland\u0131ran bir \u00f6dev d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor bana, \u015funu s\u00f6ylemek d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor: Dinleyin! Ben falancay\u0131m. Ba\u015fkas\u0131yla kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmay\u0131n beni her \u015feyden \u00f6nce!<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\n\u00d6rne\u011fin, hi\u00e7 de umac\u0131 de\u011filim ben, bir t\u00f6re canavar\u0131 de\u011filim. \u00dcstelik \u015fimdiye dek erdemli diye sayg\u0131 g\u00f6ren insan t\u00fcr\u00fcne tam kar\u015f\u0131t bir yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015ftay\u0131m. S\u00f6z aram\u0131zda, bana \u00f6yle geliyor ki, gururumu as\u0131l ok\u015fayan da bu. Feylosof Dionysos\u2019un \u00e7\u00f6meziyim ben; ermi\u015f olmaktansa, satir olmay\u0131 ye\u011f tutar\u0131m. Neyse, bu yaz\u0131y\u0131 okuyun yeter. Belki de o kar\u015f\u0131tl\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00fcle\u00e7, insanc\u0131l bir bi\u00e7im de ortaya koymaktan ba\u015fka amac\u0131 yoktur bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n, belki bunu dile getirebilmi\u015fimdir. \u0130nsanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u201cd\u00fczeltmek\u201d, herhalde benim vadedece\u011fim en sonuncu i\u015f olurdu. Yeni putlar dikmiyorum ben; \u00f6nce eskiler \u00f6\u011frensin, bal\u00e7\u0131ktan ayaklar\u0131 olmak ne demekmi\u015f. Utlar\u0131 (ki benim i\u00e7in \u201c\u00fclk\u00fcler\u201d demektir.) devirmek -zanaat\u0131m as\u0131l bu benim. \u0130nsanlar \u00fclk\u00fcsel bir d\u00fcnya uydurduklar\u0131 \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde ger\u00e7e\u011fin de\u011ferini, anlam\u0131n\u0131, do\u011frulu\u011funu harcad\u0131lar. \u201cGer\u00e7ek d\u00fcnya\u201d ile \u201cg\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015fte d\u00fcnya\u201d, -a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7as\u0131: Uydurma d\u00fcnya ile ger\u00e7ek…\u00dclk\u00fc denen yalan \u015fimdiye dek ger\u00e7e\u011fe bir ilenmeydi; bu yolla insanl\u0131k en derin i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fclerine dek aldat\u0131ld\u0131, yalana bo\u011fuldu; y\u00fckseli\u015finin, gelece\u011finin, gelecek \u00fcst\u00fcne y\u00fcce hakk\u0131n\u0131n g\u00fcvenceleri sayd\u0131\u011f\u0131 ters de\u011ferlere tapt\u0131 giderek.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nYaz\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131n havas\u0131n\u0131 soluyabilen, bunun bir y\u00fcksek yer havas\u0131, sert bir hava oldu\u011funu bilir. O hava i\u00e7in yarat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmal\u0131 insan, yoksa olduk\u00e7a b\u00fcy\u00fckt\u00fcr \u00fc\u015f\u00fctme tehlikesi. Bu yak\u0131nd\u0131r, yaln\u0131zl\u0131k yaman, -ama her \u015fey nas\u0131l durgun, \u0131\u015f\u0131k i\u00e7inde! Nas\u0131l \u00f6zg\u00fcr solur insan! Ne \u00e7ok \u015feyi a\u015fa\u011f\u0131larda b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r! Felsefe, bug\u00fcne dek anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m, ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m gibisi, y\u00fcksek da\u011fda, buz i\u00e7inde g\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fc ya\u015famakt\u0131r, -varl\u0131kta yabanc\u0131, sorunsal olan\u0131, \u015fimdiye dek t\u00f6re\u2019nin yarg\u0131lad\u0131\u011f\u0131 her \u015feyi aray\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Yasaklar i\u00e7inde b\u00f6ylesine uzun bir gezginlikten edindi\u011fim g\u00f6rg\u00fcmle, bug\u00fcne dek yap\u0131lan t\u00f6rele\u015ftirmenin, \u00fclk\u00fcle\u015ftirmenin nedenlerini, istedi\u011finden ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc g\u00f6rmeyi \u00f6\u011frendim. Feylosoflar\u0131n gizli \u00f6yk\u00fcs\u00fc, takt\u0131klar\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fck adlar\u0131n psikolojisi ayd\u0131nl\u0131\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 benim i\u00e7in. <\/span> Bir kafa ne denli do\u011fruya dayanabilir, ne denli do\u011fruyu g\u00f6ze alabilir? Benim i\u00e7in gitgide as\u0131l de\u011fer \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcs\u00fc bu oldu. Yan\u0131lg\u0131 (\u00fclk\u00fcye inan\u00e7) k\u00f6rl\u00fck de\u011fildir, yan\u0131lg\u0131 korkakl\u0131kt\u0131r… Bilgide her kazan\u00e7, ileriye at\u0131lan her ad\u0131m y\u00fcreklilikten gelir, kendi kendine kar\u015f\u0131 sertlikten, d\u00fcr\u00fcstl\u00fckten gelir… \u00dclk\u00fcleri \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fctm\u00fcyorum ben, onlar\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnde eldiven giyiyorum yaln\u0131z… Nitimur in vetitum. Felsefem bu parolayla \u00fcst\u00fcn gelecek birg\u00fcn; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc \u015fimdiye dek, kural olarak, yaln\u0131z do\u011frular\u0131 yasaklad\u0131lar.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nYaz\u0131lar\u0131m i\u00e7inde Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn ayr\u0131 bir yeri vard\u0131r. Onunla, insanl\u0131\u011fa \u015fimdiye dek verilen en b\u00fcy\u00fck arma\u011fan\u0131 sundum. Bin y\u0131llar\u0131 a\u015fan sesiyle Zerd\u00fc\u015ft yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f en y\u00fcce kitap, ger\u00e7ekten y\u00fcksekler kitab\u0131 oldu\u011fu gibi -insan denen olguyu u\u00e7urumlar boyu a\u015fa\u011f\u0131s\u0131nda b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r- hem de kitaplar\u0131n en derini, do\u011frunun en derin hazinesinden do\u011fmu\u015f olan\u0131d\u0131r; bir t\u00fckenmez kuyudur, i\u00e7ine dald\u0131r\u0131lan kova ancak alt\u0131n dolu, iyilik dolu olarak \u00e7\u0131kar. Burada konu\u015fan ne bir yalva\u00e7t\u0131r, ne de din kurucusu denen o g\u00fc\u00e7 istemi ve hastal\u0131k k\u0131rmas\u0131d\u0131r. Onun bilgeli\u011fini anlarken ac\u0131nacak bir yan\u0131lmaya d\u00fc\u015fmemek i\u00e7in, her\u015feyden \u00f6nce bu sesi, a\u011fz\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kan bu durgun, mutlu sesi duymak gerekir! \u201cF\u0131s\u0131ldanan s\u00f6zlerdir f\u0131rt\u0131nay\u0131 getiren; g\u00fcvercin ayaklar\u0131yla gelen d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler y\u00f6netir d\u00fcnyay\u0131- \u201d<\/p>\n
\nBa\u011fnaz biri de\u011fil burada konu\u015fan; vaaz verilmiyor, inan\u00e7 istenmiyor burada. Sonsuz bir \u0131\u015f\u0131k bollu\u011fundan, mutluluk derinli\u011finden d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor s\u00f6zc\u00fckler damla damla, -bir nazl\u0131 yava\u015fl\u0131kt\u0131r bu konu\u015fmalar\u0131n tempo\u2019su. Bu gibi \u015feyler ancak en se\u00e7kinlerin kula\u011f\u0131na ula\u015f\u0131r; burada dinleyici olabilmek e\u015fsiz bir ayr\u0131cal\u0131kt\u0131r; her babayi\u011fidin harc\u0131 de\u011fildir Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fc duyabilmek… Zerd\u00fc\u015ft bu y\u00f6nleriyle bir ba\u015ftan \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131c\u0131 olmuyor mu? \u00d6yleyse dinleyin, kendisi ilk kez yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131na geri d\u00f6nerken ne diyor… Onun yerinde ba\u015fka bir \u201cbilge\u201dnin, bir \u201cermi\u015f\u201din, bir \u201cmesih\u201din, ba\u015fka bir d\u00e9cadent\u2019\u0131n s\u00f6yleyeceklerine hi\u00e7 benzemeyen s\u00f6zler… Yaln\u0131z konu\u015fmas\u0131 de\u011fil ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc olan, kendisi de ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc…<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nI
\n<\/b>
\nYa\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n talihi, belki de benzersizli\u011fi, al\u0131nyaz\u0131s\u0131ndan gelir: Bilmece bi\u00e7imi s\u00f6ylersek, ben babamla birlikte \u00e7oktan \u00f6lm\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm, ama anamla birlikte ya\u015f\u0131yorum, ya\u015flan\u0131yorum. Bu \u00e7ifte k\u00f6ken, ya\u015fam merdiveninin bu en \u00fcst ve en alt basamaklar\u0131ndan geli\u015f, hem d\u00e9cadent, hem de ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7 olu\u015f, -beni belki herkesten ay\u0131ran \u00e7ekimserli\u011fimi, ya\u015fam sorununun b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fc \u00f6n\u00fcnde yan tutmazl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131klarsa bunlar a\u00e7\u0131klar i\u015fte. Do\u011fu\u015f ve \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fc\u015f belirtilerinin kokusunu benden iyi alan \u00e7\u0131kmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r, bu konuda en e\u015fsiz \u00f6\u011fretmen benim, -ikisini de bilirim, her ikisiyim ben.- Babam otuz alt\u0131 ya\u015f\u0131nda \u00f6l\u00fcnce: \u0130nce, sevimli ve sayr\u0131ld\u0131; ge\u00e7ip gitmek i\u00e7in do\u011fmu\u015f bir yarat\u0131k gibiydi, -ya\u015fam\u0131n kendinden \u00e7ok, bir ho\u015f an\u0131s\u0131yd\u0131 sanki. Onun ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131n bitti\u011fi ya\u015fta benimki de bitmeye y\u00fcz tuttu. Otuz alt\u0131 ya\u015f\u0131mda dirim g\u00fcc\u00fcm\u00fcn en alt noktas\u0131na vard\u0131m, -ya\u015famas\u0131na ya\u015f\u0131yordum, ama \u00fc\u00e7 ad\u0131m \u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fc g\u00f6rmeksizin.<\/p>\n
\n
\nII
\n<\/b>
\nD\u00e9cadent olu\u015fum bir yana, bunun tam kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131y\u0131m da. Kan\u0131tlar\u0131mdan biri de \u015fu: K\u00f6t\u00fc durumlarda i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcmle hep do\u011fru kurtulu\u015f yollar\u0131n\u0131 se\u00e7mi\u015fimdir; ger\u00e7ek d\u00e9cadent ise hep kendine zararl\u0131 yollar\u0131 se\u00e7er. Toptan d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrsek sa\u011flamd\u0131m; bir ayr\u0131kl\u0131k, bit \u00f6zel durumdu d\u00e9cadent\u2019l\u0131\u011f\u0131m. O salt yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa dayanmak i\u00e7in, al\u0131\u015f\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ko\u015fullardan \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcl\u00fcp kopmak i\u00e7in buldu\u011fum g\u00fc\u00e7, kendime bakt\u0131rmamak, i\u015fimi g\u00f6rd\u00fcrmemek, hekim elinde kalmak i\u00e7in kendimi zorlay\u0131\u015f\u0131m, -hepsi bana en ba\u015fta gereken \u015feyi o zamanlar i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcmle kesin ve apa\u00e7\u0131k bildi\u011fimi g\u00f6steriyor. Kendim ele ald\u0131m kendimi, yeniden iyile\u015ftirdim. Bunun ko\u015fulu ise fizyologlar\u0131n da do\u011frulayaca\u011f\u0131 gibi -insan\u0131n asl\u0131nda sa\u011flam olmas\u0131d\u0131r: \u00d6rnek bir sayr\u0131l yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f iyile\u015femez, hele kendi kendini hi\u00e7 iyile\u015ftiremez; tersine, \u00f6rnek bir sa\u011flamda hastal\u0131k, ya\u015famak, daha \u00e7ok ya\u015famak i\u00e7in etkili bir uyar\u0131c\u0131 bile olabilir. Ger\u00e7ekten de uzun hastal\u0131k d\u00f6nemi \u015fimdi bana b\u00f6yle g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyor: Ya\u015fam\u0131, onunla birlikte kendimi de, yeni ba\u015ftan buldum. T\u00fcm iyi \u015feyleri, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck de olsalar, ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131n kolay kolay tadamayaca\u011f\u0131 gibi tatt\u0131m; sa\u011fl\u0131k istemimden, ya\u015fam istemimden kurdum felsefemi…<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nBu \u00e7ifte deneyimler dizisi, g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015fte kar\u015f\u0131t olan d\u00fcnyalara kap\u0131m\u0131n b\u00f6ylesine a\u00e7\u0131k olu\u015fu, bende her bak\u0131mdan kendini g\u00f6sterir, -kendimin ikiziyim ben. Birinci y\u00fcz\u00fcmden ba\u015fka, bir de \u201cikinci\u201d y\u00fcz\u00fcm var, belki de bir \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fcs\u00fc var daha… Yaln\u0131z yerel, yaln\u0131z ulusal perspektiflerin \u00f6tesine bakma yetisi daha ba\u015fta soyumdan ge\u00e7mi\u015f bana; \u201ciyi bir Avrupal\u0131\u201d olmam i\u00e7in hi\u00e7bir \u00e7aba istemez. \u00d6te yandan, belki de \u015fimdiki Almanlar\u0131n, salt devlet yurtta\u015f\u0131 Almanlar\u0131n olabilece\u011finden \u00e7ok daha Alman\u0131m, siyasa d\u0131\u015f\u0131 sonuncu Alman\u0131m ben. Oysa atalar\u0131m Polonya soylular\u0131ndand\u0131: Bir s\u00fcr\u00fc \u0131rk i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fc, bu arada belki de o liberum veto bile oradan ge\u00e7medir kan\u0131ma. Yolda giderken ka\u00e7 kez, hem de Polonyal\u0131lar\u0131n, benimle Polonyal\u0131 diye konu\u015ftuklar\u0131n\u0131, ne denli az Alman say\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcnce, hepten k\u0131rma Almanlardan oldu\u011fum san\u0131labilirdi. <\/span> Ama annem Franziska Oehler ve babaannem Erdmuthe Krause \u015f\u00fcphesiz tam birer Almand\u0131lar.<\/p>\n
\n
\nIV
\n<\/b>
\nKendime d\u00fc\u015fman kazanmay\u0131, \u00e7ok \u00f6nemli sayd\u0131\u011f\u0131m durumlarda bile, bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc beceremedim; bunu da bir tanecik babama bor\u00e7luyum. H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131\u011fa ne denli ayk\u0131r\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcrse g\u00f6r\u00fcns\u00fcn, kendimi de kendime d\u00fc\u015fman etmi\u015f de\u011filim \u00fcstelik. Ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131 ba\u015ftanba\u015fa kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131n, pek seyrek g\u00f6r\u00fcrs\u00fcn\u00fcz bana kar\u015f\u0131 birinin k\u00f6r\u00fc niyet besledi\u011fini, olsa olsa bunun birka\u00e7 izini g\u00f6r\u00fcrs\u00fcn\u00fcz, -buna kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k, belki de biraz \u00e7ok\u00e7a iyi niyet izleri kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r… Herkesin k\u00f6t\u00fc deneyim ge\u00e7irmi\u015f oldu\u011fu kimselerle deneyimlerim bile, bu kimselerden yanad\u0131r; ben her ay\u0131y\u0131 evcille\u015ftiririm, do\u011fru yola getiririm soytar\u0131lar\u0131. Basel lisesinin son s\u0131n\u0131f\u0131nda Yunanca \u00f6\u011fretti\u011fim yedi y\u0131l boyunca bir kez bile ceza verecek bir durumla kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmad\u0131m. En tembeller \u00e7al\u0131\u015fkan olmu\u015ftu bende. Rastlant\u0131yla her zaman ba\u015fa \u00e7\u0131kabilirim; haz\u0131rl\u0131ks\u0131z olmal\u0131y\u0131m, kendi kendim olmam i\u00e7in. \u201c\u0130nsan\u201d denen \u00e7alg\u0131 nas\u0131l bir \u00e7alg\u0131 olursa olsun, nas\u0131l uyumlan\u0131rsa uyumlans\u0131n, ondan dinlenebilir bir\u015feyler \u00e7\u0131karamazsam, hastay\u0131m demektir. Kendilerini hi\u00e7 b\u00f6yle i\u015fitmediklerini ka\u00e7 kez duymu\u015fumdur o \u201c\u00e7alg\u0131\u201dlardan. Belki de en g\u00fczel \u00f6rnek, erken \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fc ba\u011f\u0131\u015flayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m Heinrich von Stein\u2019d\u0131r. Bir seferinde, \u00f6zenle iznimi ald\u0131ktan sonra, \u00fc\u00e7 g\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne kalk\u0131p Sils-Maria\u2019ya gelmi\u015f, Engadin\u2019i g\u00f6rmek i\u00e7in gelmedi\u011fi de herkese a\u00e7\u0131klam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nBir ba\u015fka bak\u0131mdan da babam\u0131n ta kendisiyim, pek erken \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnden sonra onun s\u00fcr\u00fcp giden ya\u015famas\u0131y\u0131m sanki. Hi\u00e7bir zaman kendi dengi aras\u0131nda ya\u015famayan ve \u00f6rne\u011fin \u201cmisilleme\u201d kavram\u0131na da, \u201ce\u015fit haklar\u201d kavram\u0131n\u0131 da yetersiz bulan herkes gibi, bana kar\u015f\u0131 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck ya da \u00e7ok b\u00fcy\u00fck bir ahmakl\u0131k yap\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131n da, her t\u00fcrl\u00fc savunmay\u0131, \u201c\u00f6z\u00fcr g\u00f6stermeyi\u201d yasak ederim kendime. Benim misillemem, elimden geldi\u011fince \u00e7abuk, ahmakl\u0131\u011f\u0131n ard\u0131ndan bir ak\u0131ll\u0131l\u0131k yollamakt\u0131r, belki de b\u00f6ylelikle onu daha yoldayken yakalayabiliriz. Bir benzetiyle s\u00f6ylersek, tats\u0131z bir \u00f6yk\u00fcden kurtulmak i\u00e7in, bir kavanoz re\u00e7el g\u00f6nderirim ben… Hele bana bir k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fck yaps\u0131nlar, \u201ckar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131\u201d veririm, hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcpheniz olmas\u0131n: \u00c7ok ge\u00e7meden bir f\u0131rsat\u0131n\u0131 bulup, k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc yapana (bazen hem de yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fck i\u00e7in) minnetimi g\u00f6steririm ya da bir \u015fey isterim ondan; vermekten daha da nazik\u00e7e olabilir bu… Hem bana \u00f6yle geliyor ki en kaba s\u00f6z, en kaba mektup bile susmaktan daha iyi bir iyi y\u00fcreklice, daha bir d\u00fcr\u00fcst\u00e7edir. Susanlar, hemen her zaman, i\u00e7ten gelen incelikten, nezaketten yoksundurlar; bir itirazd\u0131r susku; yutmak zorunlu olarak k\u00f6t\u00fc k\u0131lar ki\u015fiyi, -mideyi bile bozar, susanlar\u0131n hepsi de sindirim bozuklu\u011fu \u00e7ekerler. -G\u00f6r\u00fcyorsunuz, kabal\u0131\u011f\u0131n de\u011ferini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrtmek istemiyorum, en insanca kar\u015f\u0131 koyma yoludur o, \u00e7\u0131tk\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131m \u00e7a\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda en ba\u015fta gelen erdemlerimizden biridir. \u0130nsan bu i\u015f i\u00e7in yeterince zenginse, haks\u0131z olmak bir mutluluktur da. Bir tanr\u0131 yery\u00fcz\u00fcne inseydi, her ne yapsa haks\u0131zl\u0131k olurdu, cezay\u0131 de\u011fil, su\u00e7u kabullenmek tanr\u0131sal olurdu o zaman.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nH\u0131n\u00e7 nedir bilmeyi\u015fim, h\u0131n\u00e7 konusunda ayd\u0131nlan\u0131\u015f\u0131m, -kim bilir bunda da uzun hastal\u0131\u011f\u0131ma nas\u0131l minnet bor\u00e7luyum! Bu sorun \u00f6yle kolay de\u011fildir: \u0130nsan onu hem g\u00fc\u00e7 i\u00e7indeyken, hem de zay\u0131fl\u0131k i\u00e7indeyken ya\u015fam\u0131\u015f olmal\u0131. Hastal\u0131\u011fa kar\u015f\u0131 genel olarak s\u00f6ylenecek bir \u015fey varsa, o da hasta insanda as\u0131l kurtulma i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fcn, korunma ve savunma i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fcn bozulmas\u0131d\u0131r. \u0130nsan hi\u00e7bir \u015feyden s\u0131y\u0131ramaz kendini, hi\u00e7bir \u015feyle ba\u015f edemez, hi\u00e7bir \u015feyi geri \u00e7eviremez, -her\u015fey yaralar. \u0130nsanlar, nesneler s\u0131rna\u015f\u0131k\u00e7a sokulur, ya\u015fant\u0131lar pek derinden koyar adama; an\u0131, irin toplayan bir yarad\u0131r. Hastan\u0131n elinde bir tek b\u00fcy\u00fck ila\u00e7 vard\u0131r bunlara kar\u015f\u0131: Rus yazg\u0131c\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 dedi\u011fim \u015fey, o ba\u015fkald\u0131rma bilmez yazg\u0131c\u0131l\u0131k; bununla Rus askeri sefere art\u0131k dayanamaz olunca, kar\u0131n i\u00e7ine uzan\u0131verir. Bundan b\u00f6yle hi\u00e7bir \u015feyi kabul etmemek, \u00fcst\u00fcne almamak, i\u00e7ine almamak, hi\u00e7bir tepki g\u00f6stermemek…<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nSava\u015fa gelince, o ba\u015fka \u015feydir. Yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131mdan sava\u015f\u00e7\u0131y\u0131m ben. \u0130\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcd\u00fcr bende sald\u0131rmak. D\u00fc\u015fman olabilmek, d\u00fc\u015fman olmak, -bunun i\u00e7in g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f gereklidir belki de; en az\u0131ndan, her g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015fta zorunlu olarak bulunur bu. Direnme gerektir kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda; dolay\u0131s\u0131yla diren\u00e7 arar: \u00d6\u00e7 ve h\u0131n\u00e7 duygular\u0131 zay\u0131fl\u0131ktan nas\u0131l ayr\u0131lmazsa, sald\u0131rganl\u0131k tutkusu da \u00f6yle ayr\u0131lamaz g\u00fc\u00e7ten. \u00d6rne\u011fin kad\u0131n \u00f6\u00e7 g\u00fcd\u00fcc\u00fcd\u00fcr; ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n ac\u0131s\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131 duyarl\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi, bu da zay\u0131fl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan gelir. -Sald\u0131ran\u0131n g\u00fcc\u00fc i\u00e7in, kendine gerekli g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc d\u00fc\u015fman bir \u00e7e\u015fit \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcd\u00fcr; her art\u0131\u015f kendini yaman bir d\u00fc\u015fman, yaman bir sorun aramakla belli eder: Sava\u015f\u00e7\u0131 bir feylosof, sorunlar\u0131 da ikili kavgaya \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131r \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. Burada insana d\u00fc\u015fen genellikle diren\u00e7leri yenmek de\u011fil, b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fc, esnekli\u011fini, silah kullanmaktaki b\u00fct\u00fcn ustal\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ortaya koyaca\u011f\u0131 diren\u00e7leri, denk d\u00fc\u015fmanlar\u0131 yenmektir…<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\n\u0130nsanlarla al\u0131\u015fveri\u015fimde bana zorluk \u00e7\u0131karmayan son bir huyuma k\u0131saca de\u011finebilir miyim? Ar\u0131kl\u0131k i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fcn hepten korkun\u00e7 bir duyarl\u0131\u011f\u0131 vergidir bana, \u00f6yle ki her ruhun dolaylar\u0131n\u0131, dolaylar\u0131 ne kelime, ta i\u00e7ini, ci\u011ferini g\u00f6r\u00fcr gibi sezerim, koklar\u0131m… Bu duyarl\u0131k benim i\u00e7in psikolojik bir duyargad\u0131r; bununla her gize dokunur, yakalar\u0131m onu. Kimi yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131n derinlerinde yatan, belki de k\u00f6t\u00fc kan\u0131n gerektirdi\u011fi, ama \u00fcst\u00fc e\u011fitimle s\u0131vanm\u0131\u015f bir s\u00fcr\u00fc pisli\u011fi hemen ilk dokunu\u015fta fark ediveririm.<\/p>\n
\nNerdeyse pek zorlu ak\u0131yorsun bana, tad\u0131n\u00e7 p\u0131nar\u0131! \u00c7o\u011fu zaman tas\u0131m\u0131 doldurmak isterken, yine bo\u015falt\u0131yorsun.<\/p>\n
\nGe\u00e7ti art\u0131k bahar\u0131m\u0131n a\u011f\u0131rdan \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcs\u00fc! Ge\u00e7ti art\u0131k haziranda lapa lapa karlar\u0131 hay\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131n! Yaz oldum hepten, yaz \u00f6\u011flesi oldum,-<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nI
\n<\/b>
\nNeden biraz daha \u00e7ok biliyorum? Genellikle, neden b\u00f6yle ak\u0131ll\u0131y\u0131m? S\u00f6zde sorunlar \u00fcst\u00fcne hi\u00e7 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmedim, -harcamad\u0131m kendimi. \u00d6rne\u011fin, as\u0131l dinsel g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fckler ba\u015f\u0131mdan ge\u00e7mi\u015f de\u011fil. Neden \u201cg\u00fcnahk\u00e2r\u201d olmam gerekti\u011fini anlayamad\u0131m bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc. Bunun gibi, pi\u015fmanl\u0131k ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 tan\u0131mak i\u00e7in g\u00fcvenilir bir \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fc yok elimde: Kula\u011f\u0131ma \u00e7al\u0131nanlara bak\u0131l\u0131rsa, pi\u015fmanl\u0131k ac\u0131s\u0131 hi\u00e7 de \u00fczerinde durulmaya de\u011fer bir \u015fey olmasa gerek…<\/p>\n
\n
\nII
\n<\/b>
\nYer ve iklim sorunu yak\u0131ndan ba\u011fl\u0131d\u0131r beslenme sorununa. <\/span> Her yerde ya\u015famak kimsenin harc\u0131 de\u011fildir. Bir kimseye b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fc gerektiren b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6devler d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyorsa, burada se\u00e7im alan\u0131 \u00fcstelik \u00e7ok dard\u0131r. \u0130klimin metabolizma \u00fczerine, onun a\u011f\u0131rla\u015fmas\u0131na, h\u0131zlanmas\u0131na etkisi \u00f6yle b\u00fcy\u00fckt\u00fcr ki, yer ve iklim konusunda at\u0131lacak yanl\u0131\u015f yanl\u0131\u015f bir ad\u0131m bir kimseyi yaln\u0131zca \u00f6devinden uzakla\u015ft\u0131rmakla kalmaz, onu daha ba\u015ftan al\u0131koyabilir de: Y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc bile g\u00f6rmez \u00f6devin. Hayvansal dirim g\u00fcc\u00fc ondan hi\u00e7 yetesiye b\u00fcy\u00fck olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r ki, insana \u201cbunu yaln\u0131z ben yapabilirim\u201d dedirten bir \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck, benli\u011fini a\u011fz\u0131na dek doldursun… Bir ba\u011f\u0131rsak tembelli\u011fi, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck de olsa, bir kez k\u00f6t\u00fc al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131k durumuna geldi mi, bir dehay\u0131 orta de\u011ferde biri, \u201cAlman\u0131ms\u0131\u201d bir \u015fey yapmaya yeter; tek ba\u015f\u0131na Almanya iklimi bile, yi\u011fit\u00e7e dayanacak sa\u011flaml\u0131kta ba\u011f\u0131rsaklar\u0131 y\u0131ld\u0131rmaya yeterlidir.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nBeslenme konusunda se\u00e7mek, yer ve iklim se\u00e7mek, -her ne olursa olsun yan\u0131lmamak gereken \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fcs\u00fc de dinlenme yolunu se\u00e7mektir. Burada da, bir kafa kendine \u00f6zg\u00fc oldu\u011fu \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde, yapabileceklerinin, yani kendine yararl\u0131 olan\u0131n s\u0131n\u0131r\u0131 o denli dard\u0131r. Her t\u00fcrl\u00fc okuma benim i\u00e7in dinlenmeden say\u0131l\u0131r; dolay\u0131s\u0131yla beni kendimden \u00e7ekip alan, ba\u015fka bilimlerde, ba\u015fka ruhlarda gezmeye \u00e7\u0131karan, art\u0131k \u00f6nemsemedi\u011fim \u015feylerden say\u0131l\u0131r. \u00d6nemsedi\u011fim \u015feylerin yorgunlu\u011funu al\u0131r zaten okumak. S\u0131k\u0131 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fma d\u00f6nemlerinde tek kitap g\u00f6remezsiniz \u00e7evremde: bir kimseyi yak\u0131n\u0131mda konu\u015fturmaktan, giderek d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcrmekten bile sak\u0131n\u0131r\u0131m. Bu da okumak olurdu…<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nLirik ozan \u00fcst\u00fcne en y\u00fcksek kavram\u0131 Heinrich Heine verdi bana. \u00d6ylesine tatl\u0131, \u00f6ylesine tutkulu bir musikiyi bin y\u0131llar aras\u0131nda bo\u015funa ar\u0131yorum. O tanr\u0131sal hay\u0131nl\u0131k vard\u0131 onda; yetkinli\u011fi bunsuz d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnemem ben, insanlara, \u0131rklara de\u011fer bi\u00e7mek i\u00e7in, tanr\u0131yla satir\u2019i zorunlu olarak bir arada d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorlar m\u0131, ona bakar\u0131m. -Ya Heine\u2019nin Almanca\u2019y\u0131 kullan\u0131\u015f\u0131! Birg\u00fcn Heine\u2019yle benim Alman dilinin rakipsiz ilk sanat\u00e7\u0131lar\u0131 oldu\u011fumuzu, \u00f6b\u00fcr Almanc\u0131klar\u0131n yapt\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 fersah fersah a\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 s\u00f6yleyecekler. -Byron\u2019un Manfred\u2019iyle derin derin bir yak\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131m olmal\u0131: O u\u00e7urumlar\u0131n hepsini buldum i\u00e7imde; on \u00fc\u00e7 ya\u015f\u0131mda olgundum bu yap\u0131t i\u00e7in. Manfred\u2019in yan\u0131nda Faust ad\u0131n\u0131 anmaya cesaret edenlere s\u00f6ylenecek s\u00f6z\u00fcm yok, \u015f\u00f6yle bir bakar\u0131m, o kadar. Hepten yoksundur. Almanlar b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fck kavram\u0131ndan: Kan\u0131t Schumann.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nYa\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n dinlenmelerinden s\u00f6z a\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015fken, hepsinin \u00f6tesinde beni en derinden, en i\u00e7ten dinlendiren \u015feye kar\u015f\u0131 minnet borcumu birka\u00e7 s\u00f6zle s\u00f6ylemem gerekiyor. Bu da hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcphesiz Richard Wagner\u2019le yak\u0131ndan d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcp kalkmam olmu\u015ftur. \u0130nsanlarla kurdu\u011fum \u00f6b\u00fcr ili\u015fkilere metelik vermiyorum; ama Tribschen\u2019de ge\u00e7irdi\u011fim g\u00fcnleri, o kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131kl\u0131 g\u00fcven, sevin\u00e7, y\u00fcce rastlant\u0131lar ve derin anlarla dolu g\u00fcnleri her ne pahas\u0131na olursa olsun ya\u015fam\u0131mdan silmek istemem…<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\n\u0130yice bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrsem, Wagner, musikisi olmadan \u00e7ekilmezdi gen\u00e7li\u011fim, Almanlar\u0131n aras\u0131na d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm bir kez. Dayan\u0131lmaz bir bask\u0131dan kurtulmak i\u00e7in afyon ister. \u0130\u015fte b\u00f6yle, bana da Wagner gerekti. Wagner Alman olan her\u015feye kar\u015f\u0131 en iyi panzehirdir, -zehir olmas\u0131na da zehirdir, o ba\u015fka… Tristan\u2019\u0131n bir piyano partisyonu oldu\u011fu andan beri-sayg\u0131lar, Bay von B\u00fclow!- Wagnerciyim. Wagner\u2019in daha \u00f6nceki yap\u0131tlar\u0131n\u0131 kendimden a\u015fa\u011f\u0131, pek beylik, pek \u201cAlman\u201d buluyordum… Ama bug\u00fcn bile Tristan gibi yaman b\u00fcy\u00fcleyen, o t\u00fcyler \u00fcrpertici, o tatl\u0131 sonsuzlukla dolu ba\u015fka bir yap\u0131t\u0131 t\u00fcm sanat dallar\u0131nda bo\u015funa ar\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nBir s\u00f6z\u00fcm daha var en se\u00e7ilmi\u015f kulaklar i\u00e7in: As\u0131l istedi\u011fim nedir musikiden. Ekim ay\u0131nda bir \u00f6\u011fle sonu gibi duru ve derin olsun. Kendine \u00f6zg\u00fc, ta\u015fk\u0131n ve nazl\u0131 olsun; \u00e7\u0131t\u0131 p\u0131t\u0131, tatl\u0131 bir kad\u0131n, iyemli, d\u00f6nek bir kad\u0131n olsun… Bir Alman\u0131n musiki nedir bilece\u011fini hi\u00e7bir zaman kabul edemem. Alman musikicisi dediklerimiz, ba\u015fta en b\u00fcy\u00fckleri, hep yabanc\u0131yd\u0131lar; \u0130slav, H\u0131rvat, \u0130talyan, Felemenkli ya da… Yahudi; b\u00f6yle olmayanlar da, Sch\u00fctz, Bach ve Handel gibi, art\u0131k soyu t\u00fckenmi\u015f g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc Almanlardand\u0131.<\/p>\n
\nkaranl\u0131k geceye b\u00fcr\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f.
\nUzaklardan bir ezgi duyuluyor
\nve alt\u0131n damlalar ya\u011f\u0131yordu
\ntitreyen aynas\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcne suyun.
\nGondollar, \u0131\u015f\u0131klar, musiki, hepsi
\nEsrimi\u015f, y\u00fcz\u00fcp gittiler alacakaranl\u0131\u011fa…<\/p>\n
\ndokundu\u011fu o \u00e7alg\u0131,
\nbir barkarol m\u0131r\u0131ldand\u0131 gizlice,
\nbinbir renkli mutluluk i\u00e7inde titreyerek.
\n-Duyan oldu mu onu?<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nBunlar\u0131n hepsinde -besin, yer ve iklim, dinlenme se\u00e7imi- bir kendini s\u00fcrd\u00fcrme i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fcd\u00fcr buyuran, en a\u00e7\u0131k olarak savunma i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fcnde ortaya \u00e7\u0131kar bu. \u00c7ok \u015feyi g\u00f6rmemek, i\u015fitmemek, yan\u0131na yakla\u015ft\u0131rmamak, -i\u015fte ilk ak\u0131ll\u0131l\u0131k, insan\u0131n bir rastlant\u0131 de\u011fil de zorunluluk oldu\u011funun ilk kan\u0131t\u0131. Bu kendini savunma i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fcn yayg\u0131n ad\u0131 be\u011feni\u2019dir. Onun buyru\u011fu yaln\u0131z \u201cevet\u201d demenin bir \u201c\u00e7\u0131kar g\u00f6zetmezlik\u201d olaca\u011f\u0131 durumlarda \u201chay\u0131r\u201d dememizi de\u011fil, bir de elden geldi\u011fince az \u201chay\u0131r\u201d dememizi ister. Hi\u00e7 durmadan \u201chay\u0131r\u201d demek zorunda oldu\u011fumuz yerden kendimizi \u00e7ekip almam\u0131z\u0131, s\u0131y\u0131rmam\u0131z\u0131 ister. \u0130\u015fte bundaki sa\u011fduyu: Savunma harcamalar\u0131, \u00e7ok k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck de olsalar, bir kez kural, al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131k durumuna geldiler mi, ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc b\u00fcy\u00fck ve hepten gereksiz bir yoksulla\u015fma do\u011fururlar.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nBurada art\u0131k ki\u015fi nas\u0131l kendisi olur sorusuna as\u0131l yan\u0131t\u0131 vermeden ge\u00e7emem. Kendini saklama ve bencillik sanat\u0131n\u0131n ba\u015fyap\u0131t\u0131na de\u011finiyorum b\u00f6ylelikle… Varsay\u0131lan ki \u00f6dev, \u00f6devin amac\u0131, yazg\u0131s\u0131 ortalaman\u0131n hayli \u00fczerindedir; bu durumda kendini de \u00f6deviyle ayn\u0131 zamanda farketmek en b\u00fcy\u00fc\u011f\u00fc olur tehlikelerin. \u0130nsan\u0131n kendisi olmas\u0131n\u0131n ko\u015fulu, kim oldu\u011funu hi\u00e7 mi hi\u00e7 bilmemesidir. Bu a\u00e7\u0131dan bak\u0131nca, ya\u015famdaki yanl\u0131\u015f ad\u0131mlar\u0131n, aras\u0131ra sap\u0131lan yan yollar\u0131n, yanl\u0131\u015f yollar\u0131n, gecikmelerin, \u201cal\u00e7akg\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fcl\u00fck\u201dlerin as\u0131l \u00f6devden uzak ba\u015fka \u00f6devlere verilen eme\u011fin, hepsinin de kendilerine g\u00f6re bir anlamlar\u0131, de\u011ferleri vard\u0131r.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nBu k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u015feyleri, yerle\u015fmi\u015f kanlara g\u00f6re \u00f6nemsiz \u015feyleri neden anlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 soracaklar bana; hele b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6devler de y\u00fckleyecekler. Yan\u0131t\u0131m: Bu k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u015feyler -beslenme, yer, iklim, dinlenme, bunlarla bencilli\u011fin k\u0131l\u0131 k\u0131rka yarmas\u0131- \u015fimdiye dek \u00f6nemli say\u0131lan \u015feylerden son derece daha \u00f6nemlidir. Tam burada ba\u015flamal\u0131y\u0131z yeniden \u00f6\u011frenmeye. \u0130nsanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n bug\u00fcne dek \u00f6nemle d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcp durdu\u011fu \u015feyler ger\u00e7ek bile de\u011fildir, kuruntudur yaln\u0131zca; daha sert deyimiyle, o sap\u0131na dek zararl\u0131, hasta yarat\u0131klar\u0131n bozulmu\u015f i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fclerinden do\u011fan yalanlard\u0131r; -o kavramlar\u0131n topu, \u201ctanr\u0131\u201d, \u201cruh\u201d, \u201cerdem\u201d, \u201cg\u00fcnah\u201d, \u201c\u00f6te d\u00fcnya\u201d, \u201cdo\u011fru\u201d, \u201cbengi ya\u015fam\u201d… Ama insano\u011flunun b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc, \u201ctanr\u0131sall\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131\u201d hep bunlarda arad\u0131lar… \u201cK\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u015feyleri\u201d, yani ya\u015fam\u0131n temel konular\u0131n\u0131 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmsemeyi \u00f6\u011fretmekle, en zararl\u0131 insanlar\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fck inan saymakla yurt y\u00f6netiminin, toplum d\u00fczeninin, e\u011fitiminin t\u00fcm sorunlar\u0131n\u0131 ta k\u00f6klerine dek bozdular…<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>
\nBirisi ben, \u00f6b\u00fcr\u00fc de yaz\u0131lar\u0131m. -Burada onlar\u0131n kendilerinden s\u00f6z a\u00e7madan \u00f6nce, anla\u015f\u0131l\u0131p anla\u015f\u0131lmamalar\u0131 sorusuna de\u011fineyim. Bu i\u015fi, konunun elverdi\u011fi \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde, \u00fcst\u00fcnk\u00f6r\u00fc yap\u0131yorum. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc zaman\u0131 gelmedi daha bu sorunun. benim zaman\u0131n da gelmedi daha; kimi insan \u00f6ld\u00fckten sonra do\u011far. G\u00fcn\u00fcn birinde, insanlar\u0131n benim anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m gibi ya\u015fayacaklar\u0131, \u00f6\u011fretecekleri \u00f6\u011fretim kurumlar\u0131 gerekecek: Belki de Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn yorumlanmas\u0131 i\u00e7in ayr\u0131ca k\u00fcrs\u00fcler bile kurulacak. Ama daha \u015fimdiden, getirdi\u011fim do\u011frular\u0131 duyacak kulaklar, alacak eller beklemem, kendi verdiklerimi almak istememelerini anla\u015f\u0131l\u0131r buldu\u011fum gibi, ayr\u0131ca i\u015fin do\u011frusu da budur san\u0131yorum. Beni ba\u015fkas\u0131yla kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmalar\u0131n\u0131 istemem; \u00f6nce kendi kendimi kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmamal\u0131y\u0131m bunun i\u00e7in de. Bir kez daha s\u00f6yleyeyim, “k\u00f6t\u00fc niyetle” pek kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmad\u0131m ya\u015fam\u0131mda; yaz\u0131n alan\u0131nda da hemen hemen bir tek “k\u00f6t\u00fc niyet” \u00f6rne\u011fi g\u00f6steremem. Buna kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k s\u00fcr\u00fcyle ar\u0131k derilik… Bana \u00f6yle geliyor ki, bir kimsenin kitaplar\u0131mdan birini eline almas\u0131, kendine verebilece\u011fi en y\u00fcksek p\u00e2yedir; bunu yaparken umar\u0131m ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 -\u00e7izmeleriniyse haydi haydi- \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131yordur…<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>
\nAlmanlar i\u00e7in s\u00f6ylenmi\u015ftir bunlar: Yoksa ba\u015fka her yerde okuyucular\u0131m var, -hepsi de se\u00e7kin kafalar, y\u00fcksek orunlarda ve g\u00f6revlerde yeti\u015fmi\u015f, kendilerini g\u00f6stermi\u015f ki\u015filer; ger\u00e7ek dehalar bile var okuyucular\u0131m aras\u0131nda. Viyana’da, Petersburg’da, Stockholm’da, Kopenhag’da, Paris’te, New-York’ta, her yerde beni buldular; bir o Avrupa’n\u0131n bas\u0131k \u00fclkesi Almanya d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda. A\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a s\u00f6yliyeyim, beni okumayanlardan, ne ad\u0131m\u0131, ne de felsefe s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc duymu\u015f olanlardan memnunum as\u0131l; ama \u00f6rne\u011fin burada, Torino’da nereye gitsem herkesin y\u00fcz\u00fc g\u00fcl\u00fcyor beni g\u00f6r\u00fcnce. \u015eimdiye dek en \u00e7ok gururumu ok\u015fayan da, meyve satan ya\u015fl\u0131 kad\u0131nlar\u0131n bana en tatl\u0131 \u00fcz\u00fcmlerini se\u00e7ip vermek i\u00e7in \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131nmalar\u0131. \u0130nsan feylosof oldu mu, b\u00f6yle olmal\u0131 i\u015fte… Polonyal\u0131lar i\u00e7in bo\u015funa \u0130slav \u0131rk\u0131n\u0131n Frans\u0131zlar\u0131 dememi\u015fler. Al\u0131ml\u0131 bir Rus kad\u0131n\u0131 benim nereli oldu\u011fumu anlamakta bir an bile duraklamazd\u0131. Bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc beceremem kurumlanmay\u0131; u\u011fra\u015ft\u0131m m\u0131 da \u015fa\u015fk\u0131na d\u00f6nerim olsa olsa… Alman gibi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek, Alman gibi duymak, -elimden her\u015fey gelir de, bir bu g\u00fcc\u00fcm\u00fc a\u015far… Eski \u00f6\u011fretmenim Ritschl s\u00f6yler dururdu, filoloji \u00fcst\u00fcne ara\u015ft\u0131rma yaz\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 bile Parisli bir romanc\u0131 gibi tasarlam\u0131\u015f\u0131m, -yani sa\u00e7mal\u0131k derecesinde heyecan verici… “Toutes mes audaces et finesses” (T\u00fcm at\u0131lganl\u0131klar\u0131m, inceliklerim.) Paris’te bile herkesi \u015fa\u015f\u0131rtm\u0131\u015f, -bu deyim Monsieur Taine’indir-. Korkar\u0131m, bende dithyrambos’un en y\u00fcksek bi\u00e7imlerine var\u0131ncaya dek her\u015feye bir par\u00e7a o hi\u00e7 tats\u0131zla\u015fmayan, “Almanla\u015fmayan” tuzdan, esprit’den kat\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r… Ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc yapamam. Tanr\u0131 yard\u0131mc\u0131m olsun! Amin. -Hepimiz biliriz bir uzun kulakl\u0131n\u0131n ne oldu\u011funu, kimisi \u00fcstelik denemesini yapm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Peki \u00f6yleyse, hi\u00e7 \u00e7ekinmeden ileri s\u00fcrerim ki, en k\u0131sa kulaklar benimkilerdir. Kad\u0131nlar kay\u0131ts\u0131z kalmazlar buna; san\u0131r\u0131m onlar\u0131 daha bir iyi anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 da sezerler… Ben en iyi anti-e\u015fe\u011fim; b\u00f6ylelikle d\u00fcnya tarihine ge\u00e7ecek bir canavar\u0131m; Yunanca anlam\u0131yla -yaln\u0131z Yunanca de\u011fil- deccal’\u0131m (antichristos) ben…<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>
\nYazar olarak ayr\u0131cal\u0131\u011f\u0131m nedir, az \u00e7ok biliyorum; benim yaz\u0131lar\u0131ma al\u0131\u015fman\u0131n be\u011feniyi nas\u0131l “bozdu\u011funu” da g\u00f6zlerimle g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm durumlar oldu. \u0130nsan ba\u015fka kitaplara, hele felsefe \u00fcst\u00fcne iseler, d\u00fcped\u00fcz dayanamaz olur. Bu soylu ve ince d\u00fcnyaya girebilmek benzersiz bir se\u00e7kinliktir, -Almanl\u0131kla hi\u00e7 ilgisi olmamal\u0131 insan\u0131n bunun i\u00e7in; k\u0131sacas\u0131, \u00f6yle bir se\u00e7kinlik ki bu, onu kendi haketmi\u015f olmal\u0131 insan. Ama kim ama\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n y\u00fcksekli\u011fiyle bana benziyorsa, ger\u00e7ekten co\u015fkular ya\u015fayacakt\u0131r burada \u00f6\u011frenirken: \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben daha hi\u00e7bir ku\u015fun u\u00e7mad\u0131\u011f\u0131 y\u00fckseklerden, daha hi\u00e7bir aya\u011f\u0131n yolunu \u015fa\u015f\u0131r\u0131p inmedi\u011fi u\u00e7urumlardan geliyorum. S\u00f6ylediklerine g\u00f6re, benim kitaplar\u0131m\u0131 elinden b\u0131rakamazm\u0131\u015f insan, -uykular\u0131n\u0131 bile ka\u00e7\u0131r\u0131rm\u0131\u015f\u0131m geceleri… Kitap denen \u015feyin daha gururlusu, daha incelmi\u015fi yaz\u0131lmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r, -onlar yery\u00fcz\u00fcnde eri\u015filecek en y\u00fcksek doru\u011fa, sinizm’e eri\u015firler yer yer; hem en ince parmaklarla, hem en zorlu yumruklarla elde edebilmeli onlar\u0131. Her t\u00fcrl\u00fc ruhsal kusur, sindirim bozukluklar\u0131 bile, onlar\u0131 anlama yolunu kapat\u0131r insana hepten: Sinir diye bir \u015fey olmamal\u0131 insanda, karn\u0131 bile bir keyifli olmal\u0131 \u00f6yle. Bir kimsede yaln\u0131zca i\u00e7inin yoksullu\u011fu, k\u00f6\u015fe buca\u011f\u0131n\u0131n a\u011f\u0131r havas\u0131 de\u011fil, as\u0131l o i\u015fkembesinde yer etmi\u015f korkakl\u0131k, pislik, sinsice \u00f6\u00e7 g\u00fctmedir ona yolumu kapayan: Benim bir s\u00f6z\u00fcmle t\u00fcm k\u00f6t\u00fc i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcler y\u00fcz\u00fcne vurur insan\u0131n. Tan\u0131d\u0131klar\u0131m i\u00e7inde bir s\u00fcr\u00fc denek hayvan\u0131m vard\u0131r; yaz\u0131lar\u0131ma kar\u015f\u0131 g\u00f6sterilen \u00e7e\u015fit \u00e7e\u015fit ve her biri son derece \u00f6\u011fretici tepkileri onlarda incelerim. Yaz\u0131lar\u0131n \u00f6z\u00fcyle hi\u00e7bir al\u0131\u015fveri\u015fi olmak istemeyenler, \u00f6rne\u011fin o s\u00f6zde dostlar\u0131m hemen “ki\u015filiksiz” oluverirler: Bir kez daha bunu ba\u015fard\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in kutlarlar beni, -hem de bir geli\u015fme varm\u0131\u015f, daha bir keyifliymi\u015f deyi\u015fim… O hep k\u00f6t\u00fcye i\u015fleyen kafalar, i\u015fi g\u00fcc\u00fc yalan olan “ince duygulu”lar ise, ne yapacaklar\u0131n\u0131 bilemezler bu kitaplarla, -dolay\u0131s\u0131yla onlar\u0131 kendilerinden a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcrler: \u0130\u015fte ince mant\u0131\u011f\u0131 “ince duygulu”lar\u0131n. Tan\u0131d\u0131klar aras\u0131ndaki b\u00fcy\u00fck ba\u015f hayvanlar da -yaln\u0131z Almanlar bunlar, ho\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fcn- demeye getirirler ki, benimle hep ayn\u0131 kan\u0131da de\u011fillermi\u015f ama, gene de arada bir… Bunu hem de Zerd\u00fc\u015ft \u00fcst\u00fcne s\u00f6ylediklerini duydum… Bunun gibi, insanda her t\u00fcrl\u00fc “f\u00e9minisme”, isterse erkekte olsun, benim kap\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 kapat\u0131r ona; hi\u00e7bir zaman o pervas\u0131z bilgilerin labirentine giremez. Bu ba\u015ftanba\u015fa sert do\u011frular aras\u0131nda g\u00fcle oynaya ya\u015famak i\u00e7in, insan g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc budaktan esirgememeli, onun i\u00e7in al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131k olmal\u0131 sertlik. Tam istedi\u011fim gibi bir okuyucu tasarlad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, hep ortaya y\u00fcrekli, her\u015feyi bilmek isteyen bir canavar, ayr\u0131ca k\u0131vrak, d\u00fczenci, sa\u011fg\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fc birisi, do\u011fu\u015ftan bir ser\u00fcvenci ve bulucu \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor. K\u0131sacas\u0131, benim s\u00f6z\u00fcm asl\u0131nda kimleredir, bunu Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’ten daha a\u00e7\u0131k s\u00f6yleyemem: Bilmecesini yaln\u0131z kimlere anlatmak istiyor o?
\nSizlere, g\u00f6z\u00fcpek aray\u0131c\u0131lar, s\u0131nay\u0131c\u0131lar, -ve her kim kurnazca yelkenleriyle o korkun\u00e7 denizlere a\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015fsa bir kez, -sizlere, bulmacalar i\u00e7inde esrimi\u015fler, alacakaranl\u0131\u011f\u0131 sevenler, ruhlar\u0131 fl\u00fct sesleriyle her tuza\u011fa d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr\u00fclebilenler:
\n-\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc siz titreyen ellerinizle bir ipi yoklayarak inmek istemezsiniz; ard\u0131nda ne oldu\u011funu kestirdi\u011finiz yerde tiksinirsiz kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7maktan…<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>
\nDeyi\u015f sanat\u0131m \u00fcst\u00fcne genel olarak birka\u00e7 s\u00f6z s\u00f6yleyeyim burada. Bir durumu, bir duygusal gerilimi imlerle, bu imlerin tempo’suyla ba\u015fkalar\u0131na bildirmek, -budur deyi\u015fin anlam\u0131. \u0130\u00e7 durumlar\u0131n\u0131n o ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc \u00e7e\u015fitlili\u011fi kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda, bende bir s\u00fcr\u00fc deyi\u015f olana\u011f\u0131, \u015fimdiye dek bir ki\u015finin eli alt\u0131nda bulunmu\u015f en \u00e7e\u015fitli deyi\u015f sanat\u0131 vard\u0131r. Bir i\u00e7 durumu ger\u00e7ekten bildiren, imler \u00fcst\u00fcne, imlerin tempo’su \u00fcst\u00fcne yan\u0131lmayan, yapmac\u0131k tav\u0131rlar tak\u0131nmayan -bir tav\u0131r tak\u0131nma sanat\u0131d\u0131r zincirleme c\u00fcmle kurallar\u0131n\u0131n hepsi- her deyi\u015f iyidir. Bu konuda hi\u00e7 \u015fa\u015fmaz benim i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcm. Kendili\u011finde iyi deyi\u015f, hepten budalal\u0131k bu, \u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fck yaln\u0131z, “kendili\u011finde g\u00fczel”, “kendili\u011finde iyi”, “kendili\u011finde \u015fey” gibi… \u015e\u00fcphesiz bu i\u015f i\u00e7in dinleyen kulaklar, ayn\u0131 tutkuyu duyabilecek g\u00fc\u00e7te ve de\u011ferde kimseler, insan\u0131n i\u00e7ini a\u00e7abilece\u011fi kimseler bulundu\u011funu varsay\u0131yorum. Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcm \u015fimdilik bekliyor b\u00f6yle dinleyicileri; daha uzun s\u00fcre de bekleyecek! -Onu inceleyecek de\u011ferde olmal\u0131 insan… O g\u00fcne dek, burada nas\u0131l bir sanat harcand\u0131\u011f\u0131 anla\u015f\u0131lmayacak: Hi\u00e7 kimse b\u00f6ylesine yeni, i\u015fitilmemi\u015f, bir ama\u00e7 i\u00e7in ger\u00e7ekten ilk olarak yarat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f s\u00f6yleme yollar\u0131n\u0131 b\u00f6ylesine avu\u00e7 dolusu sa\u00e7mam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Bu t\u00fcrl\u00fc \u015feylerin Alman dilinde olabilece\u011fi \u015f\u00fcpheliydi: \u00d6nceleri olsa, en ba\u015fta ben kesinlikle yads\u0131rd\u0131m bunu. Alman diliyle neler yap\u0131labilir, genel olarak dille neler yap\u0131labilir, benden \u00f6nce bilinmiyordu bunlar. Y\u00fcce, insan\u00fcst\u00fc bir tutkunun korkun\u00e7 dalgalan\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 anlatmak i\u00e7in o b\u00fcy\u00fck ritimler sanat\u0131n\u0131, zincirleme c\u00fcmlelerle b\u00fcy\u00fck deyi\u015fi ben buldum ilk; Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc sonundaki o “Yedi M\u00fch\u00fcr” ba\u015fl\u0131kl\u0131 dithyrambos’la, \u015fimdiye dek \u015fiir denen \u015feyi binlerce fersah a\u015ft\u0131m.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>
\nE\u015fsiz bir psikolog konu\u015fuyor benim yaz\u0131lar\u0131mda; i\u015fte iyi bir okuyucunun, eski iyi filologlar Horatius’lar\u0131n\u0131n nas\u0131l okurdularsa beni \u00f6yle okuyan, tam bana g\u00f6re bir okuyucunun ilk edinece\u011fi kan\u0131 budur. \u00dczerinde herkesin anla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 c\u00fcmleler -herkes derken, bunun i\u00e7inde orta mal\u0131 feylosoflar\u0131n, t\u00f6rebilimcilerin ve \u00f6b\u00fcr mankafalarla mantar kafalar\u0131n da bulundu\u011funu ayr\u0131ca s\u00f6ylemek gerekmez-, benim yaz\u0131lar\u0131mda b\u00f6nce yan\u0131lg\u0131lar olarak ortaya \u00e7\u0131kar: \u00d6rne\u011fin, “\u00e7\u0131kar g\u00f6zetmez” ve “bencil” kavramlar\u0131n\u0131n birbirinin kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131 oldu\u011fu inanc\u0131; oysa “ben”in kendisi bir “y\u00fcksek aldatmaca”dan, bir “\u00fclk\u00fc”den ba\u015fka bir\u015fey de\u011fildir… Ne bencil, ne de \u00e7\u0131kar g\u00f6zetmez eylemler vard\u0131r; her iki kavram da psikolojik birer mant\u0131ks\u0131zl\u0131kt\u0131r. Ya da “insan mutlu olmak i\u00e7in \u00e7abalar” c\u00fcmlesi… Ya da “mutluluk erdemin \u00f6d\u00fcl\u00fcd\u00fcr” c\u00fcmlesi… Ya da “ho\u015flanma ve ac\u0131 duygular\u0131 birbirinin kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131d\u0131r” c\u00fcmlesi… \u0130nsanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n “Kirke”si, (Odysseus’un yolda\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 domuz yapan b\u00fcy\u00fcc\u00fc kad\u0131n.) yani t\u00f6re, b\u00fct\u00fcn Psikoloji’yi ba\u015ftan a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 yalana bo\u011fdu, t\u00f6relle\u015ftirdi; ta o t\u00fcyler \u00fcrpertici sa\u00e7mal\u0131\u011fa, sevginin “\u00e7\u0131kar g\u00f6zetmez” bir\u015fey olmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fine var\u0131ncaya dek… \u0130nsan kendi kendine sa\u011flam bir dayanak olmal\u0131, iki aya\u011f\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcnde korkmadan durabilmeli; ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc sevemez yoksa. Kad\u0131nlar da pek iyi bilirler bunu: O \u00e7\u0131kar g\u00f6zetmeyen, o nesnel erkekler v\u0131zgelir onlara… S\u0131ras\u0131 gelmi\u015fken, \u015fu kad\u0131n ulusunu tan\u0131yorum diyebilirim. Dionysos’ca pay\u0131mdan gelmedir bu (Hem erkeklik hem di\u015filik vard\u0131 Dionysos’da). Kim bilir, belki de “bengi di\u015fili\u011fin” (“Das ewig Weibliche” -Goethe, 2. Faust, son sahne.) ilk psikologuyum ben. Eski bir \u00f6yk\u00fcd\u00fcr: O mutsuz kad\u0131nc\u0131klar, “\u00f6zg\u00fcrle\u015fmi\u015f” olanlar, \u00e7ocuk do\u011furmaya g\u00fcc\u00fc yetmeyenler d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda hepsi beni severler. -Bereket versin, kendimi par\u00e7alatmaya niyetim yok: Sevdi mi par\u00e7alar ger\u00e7ek kad\u0131n dedi\u011fin… Bu sevimli Bakkha’lar\u0131 (Eski Yunan’da kendilerini Dionysos’a adayan, onun gizlerini kutlayan kad\u0131nlar.) iyi tan\u0131r\u0131m… Ah o ne tehlikeli, o ne sinsi, yeralt\u0131nda ya\u015fayan bir y\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131 hayvanc\u0131kt\u0131r! Nas\u0131l da \u015firindir \u00fcstelik!… \u00d6\u00e7 ard\u0131ndan ko\u015fan bir kad\u0131nc\u0131k yazg\u0131y\u0131 bile dinlemez, y\u0131kar ge\u00e7er. Kad\u0131n erkekten \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fclmez derecede daha k\u00f6t\u00fcd\u00fcr; daha ak\u0131ll\u0131d\u0131r da. Bir \u00e7e\u015fit yozla\u015fmad\u0131r kad\u0131nda iyilik… O “ince duygular” var ya, t\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fcn mayas\u0131nda bir fizyolojik bozukluk vard\u0131r. -hepsini s\u00f6ylemeyeyim, hekimce konu\u015faca\u011f\u0131m yoksa. E\u015fit haklar i\u00e7in a\u00e7\u0131lan sava\u015f, bir hastal\u0131k belirtisidir \u00fcstelik; her hekim bilir bunu. Ger\u00e7ek kad\u0131n dedi\u011fin var g\u00fcc\u00fcyle direnir hak denen \u015feye kar\u015f\u0131; cinsler aras\u0131ndaki o bitmez sava\u015fta ilk yer hi\u00e7 tart\u0131\u015fmas\u0131z onundur zaten do\u011fal olarak. -Benim sevgi tan\u0131m\u0131m\u0131 duyup anlad\u0131n\u0131z m\u0131? Ger\u00e7ek bir feylosofa yara\u015fan biricik tan\u0131m budur. Sevginin tuttu\u011fu yol sava\u015f, \u00f6z\u00fc ise cinslerin \u00f6ld\u00fcresiye kinidir birbirlerine. “Bir kad\u0131n nas\u0131l iyile\u015ftirilir, kurtar\u0131l\u0131r” sorusuna verdi\u011fim yan\u0131t\u0131 biliyor musunuz? \u0130nsan ondan bir \u00e7ocuk edinmelidir. Kad\u0131n \u00e7ocuksuz edemez, erkek bir arac\u0131d\u0131r yaln\u0131z: Zerd\u00fc\u015ft b\u00f6yle dedi. “Kad\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6zg\u00fcrle\u015fmesi”, \u00f6z\u00fcrl\u00fc, do\u011furamaz kad\u0131nlar\u0131n ger\u00e7ek kad\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131 i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcsel kinidir bu; “erkek”le kavgaya gelince, bu bir yoldur, bir s\u00f6zde nedendir, bir taktirdir yaln\u0131zca. Kendilerini “ger\u00e7ek kad\u0131n”, “y\u00fcksek kad\u0131n”, “\u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fc kad\u0131n”, “\u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fc kad\u0131n” diye y\u00fckseltmekte, a\u015fama s\u0131ras\u0131nda kad\u0131n\u0131n yerini al\u00e7altmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rlar; bunun i\u00e7in de en \u015fa\u015fmaz yol, lise \u00f6\u011frenimi yapmak, pantolon giymek ve s\u00fcr\u00fc olarak oy verebilmektir. Asl\u0131na bak\u0131l\u0131rsa, \u00f6zg\u00fcrle\u015fen kad\u0131nlar “bengi di\u015filik” \u00fclkesinin anar\u015fistleridir; kuyruk ac\u0131s\u0131 vard\u0131r onlarda, \u00f6\u00e7 iste\u011fi vard\u0131r derinlerinde yatan… En k\u00f6t\u00fcs\u00fcnden bir t\u00fcr “\u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fck”vard\u0131r ki erkeklerde de rastlan\u0131r ayr\u0131ca, o evde kalm\u0131\u015f k\u0131z \u00f6rne\u011finde, Henrik \u0130bsen’de oldu\u011fu gibi, -bunun amac\u0131 da cinsel sevgideki g\u00f6n\u00fcl rahatl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, do\u011fall\u0131\u011f\u0131 a\u011fulamakt\u0131r… Bu konuda d\u00fcr\u00fcstl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcs\u00fcnde s\u0131k\u0131 olan anlay\u0131\u015f\u0131m \u00fcst\u00fcne hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcphesiz kalmas\u0131n diye, bozulmu\u015flu\u011fa kar\u015f\u0131 t\u00f6re yasalar\u0131mdan bir madde okuyay\u0131m; bozulmu\u015fluk derken, her \u00e7e\u015fit do\u011faya ayk\u0131r\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n, ya da g\u00fczel s\u00f6zleri seviyorsan\u0131z, \u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yorum, Madde \u015fu: “Akmanl\u0131k \u00fcst\u00fcne vaaz vermek, a\u00e7\u0131ktan herkesi do\u011faya ayk\u0131r\u0131 olmaya k\u0131\u015fk\u0131rtmakt\u0131r. Nas\u0131l olursa olsun, cinsel ya\u015fam\u0131 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmseme, onu ay\u0131p kavram\u0131yla lekeleme, ya\u015fam\u0131n kendine kar\u015f\u0131 i\u015flenmi\u015f bir su\u00e7tur, -ya\u015fam\u0131n Kutsal Tinine kar\u015f\u0131 g\u00fcnah\u0131n ta kendisidir.”<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>
\n<\/strong>Nas\u0131l bir psikolog oldu\u011fumu anlayas\u0131n\u0131z diye, \u0130yi ve K\u00f6t\u00fcn\u00fcn \u00d6tesinde’den \u00fczerinde d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fclmeye de\u011fer bir betimleme aktar\u0131yorum, -\u015funu da s\u00f6yleyeyim ki, burada anlat\u0131lmak istenen kimdir, sak\u0131n bulup \u00e7\u0131karmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmay\u0131n: “Y\u00fcre\u011fin dehas\u0131 onda vard\u0131r, o b\u00fcy\u00fck Bilinmeyen’de, bulun\u00e7lar\u0131no s\u0131nay\u0131c\u0131 tanr\u0131s\u0131, do\u011fu\u015ftan fare avc\u0131s\u0131; sesi her ruhun yeralt\u0131 \u00fclkesine dek inen; her s\u00f6z\u00fcnde, her bak\u0131\u015f\u0131nda bir ba\u015ftan \u00e7\u0131karma amac\u0131 sakl\u0131 olan; her s\u00f6z\u00fcnde, her bak\u0131\u015f\u0131nda bir ba\u015ftan \u00e7\u0131karma amac\u0131 sakl\u0131 olan; ustal\u0131\u011f\u0131 gere\u011fince, oldu\u011fu gibi de\u011fil, ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc g\u00f6r\u00fcnen, \u00f6yle ki ard\u0131ndan gelenler ona daha bir sokulsun, onu daha g\u00f6n\u00fclden, daha tam izlesinler… Y\u00fcre\u011fin dehas\u0131 her t\u00fcrl\u00fc a\u011f\u0131z kalabal\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, kendini be\u011fenmi\u015fli\u011fi susturan, kulak kabartmas\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6\u011freten; kaba saba ruhlar\u0131 t\u00f6rp\u00fcleyen, onlara yeni bir istek tatt\u0131ran, -derin g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc yans\u0131tabilmek i\u00e7in dupduru bir ayna gibi olmak iste\u011fini… Y\u00fcre\u011fin dehas\u0131, o sakar ve ivecen ellere duraklamay\u0131, daha bir incelikle kavramay\u0131 \u00f6\u011freten; bulan\u0131k, kal\u0131n buzun alt\u0131ndaki o sakl\u0131, unutulmu\u015f g\u00f6m\u00fcn\u00fcn, o bir damla iyili\u011fin, tatl\u0131 \u00f6z\u00fcn yerini kestiren; uzun \u00e7a\u011flar \u00e7amur ve kum i\u00e7inde g\u00f6m\u00fcl\u00fc yatan her alt\u0131n k\u0131r\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 bulmak i\u00e7in b\u00fcy\u00fcl\u00fc bir de\u011fnek olan… Onun dokundu\u011fu kimse daha bir zenginle\u015fmi\u015f olarak uzakla\u015f\u0131r oradan, ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n mal\u0131 alt\u0131nda iki b\u00fckl\u00fcm de\u011fil, kendisi daha zengin, yenilenmi\u015f, sanki \u00fczerinden \u0131l\u0131k bir yel esmi\u015f de buzlar\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f, i\u00e7i a\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, belki daha g\u00fcvensiz, daha ince, daha kolay k\u0131r\u0131l\u0131r, belki daha k\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, ama daha ad\u0131 bile olmayan umutlarla dolu, yeni istemlerle, ak\u0131nt\u0131larla dolu, yeni direni\u015flerle, ters ak\u0131nt\u0131larla dolu…”<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>
\nI
\n<\/strong>
\nTragedya’n\u0131n Do\u011fu\u015fu’na (1872) kar\u015f\u0131 insafl\u0131 olabilmek i\u00e7in birka\u00e7 \u015feyi unutmal\u0131. Bu kitap ba\u015far\u0131s\u0131z yan\u0131yla, \u00f6rne\u011fin Wagner’cili\u011fi bir y\u00fckseli\u015f belirtisi say\u0131p ona yarar\u0131 dokunmas\u0131yla yapt\u0131 etkisini, giderek b\u00fcy\u00fcledi. Bir d\u00f6n\u00fcm noktas\u0131 oldu Wagner’in ya\u015fam\u0131nda da: Ancak ondan sonrad\u0131r ki Wagner ad\u0131na b\u00fcy\u00fck umutlar ba\u011flad\u0131lar. Bug\u00fcn bile, hem de bazen tam Parsifal’in ortas\u0131nda, bana y\u00fcklendikleri oluyor: O ak\u0131m\u0131n ekin de\u011feri b\u00f6ylesine y\u00fcksek tutuluyorsa, su\u00e7 benimmi\u015f. -Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7ok kez “Musiki Ruhundan Tragedya’n\u0131n Yeniden Do\u011fu\u015fu” ad\u0131yla an\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 duydum; onda yaln\u0131z Wagner’in sanat\u0131n\u0131, ne yapmak istedi\u011fini, \u00f6devini ilk olarak dile getiri\u015fimi g\u00f6rd\u00fcler, -yaz\u0131n\u0131n as\u0131l de\u011ferli yan\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6zden ka\u00e7\u0131rd\u0131lar bu arada. “Yunanl\u0131l\u0131k ve K\u00f6t\u00fcmserlik”: Daha ba\u015fka anlama \u00e7ekilmeyecek bir ba\u015fl\u0131k olurdu bu: \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc asl\u0131nda Yunanl\u0131lar k\u00f6t\u00fcmserli\u011fin nas\u0131l \u00fcstesinden geldiler, onu nas\u0131l yendiler; \u00f6\u011fretilen buydu ilk kez olarak… Tragedya’n\u0131n ta kendisi, Yunanl\u0131lar\u0131n k\u00f6t\u00fcmser olmad\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131n kan\u0131t\u0131d\u0131r: Schopenhauer her konuda oldu\u011fu gibi bunda da yan\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. -az bu\u00e7uk \u00e7ekimserlikle ele al\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131nda Tragedya’n\u0131n Do\u011fu\u015fu iyice \u00e7a\u011fd\u0131\u015f\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr: W\u00f6rth sava\u015f\u0131n\u0131n (Prusya’n\u0131n Fransa’ya kar\u015f\u0131 yengisi -6 A\u011fustos 1870-) top sesleri aras\u0131nda yaz\u0131lmaya ba\u015fland\u0131\u011f\u0131, kimsenin akl\u0131n\u0131n k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131ndan ge\u00e7mezdi. Metz surlar\u0131 dibinde, o so\u011fuk eyl\u00fcl geceleri, bir yandan hastabak\u0131c\u0131l\u0131k g\u00f6revimi yaparken, bu sorular\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordum; kitab\u0131n 50 y\u0131l \u00f6nce yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmas\u0131 daha bir akla yak\u0131n gelebilir. Siyasayla ilgisi yoktur -bug\u00fcnk\u00fc deyimiyle “Almanl\u0131k d\u0131\u015f\u0131”d\u0131r-, tiksindirici bir Hegel kokusu yay\u0131l\u0131r ondan; Schopenhauer’in mortocu kokusu ise tek t\u00fck birka\u00e7 deyimine sinmi\u015ftir ancak. Bir “d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn” -Dionysosca ve Apollonca kar\u015f\u0131tl\u0131\u011f\u0131- metafizik alan\u0131na aktar\u0131l\u0131yor burada; tarihin kendisi bu “d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn”\u00fcn geli\u015fmesi olarak say\u0131l\u0131yor; bu kar\u015f\u0131 savlar\u0131n tragedya’da birle\u015fimi: \u015eimdiye dek hi\u00e7 ili\u015fkileri olmayan \u015feylerin bu g\u00f6zle bak\u0131l\u0131nca, birdenbire kar\u015f\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131ya gelmeleri, birbirleriyle ayd\u0131nlanmalar\u0131, kavranmalar\u0131… \u00d6rne\u011fin opera ve devrim… Bu kitab\u0131n ba\u015fl\u0131ca iki yenili\u011finden biri, Yunanl\u0131larda Dionysosca olay\u0131n\u0131n anla\u015f\u0131lmas\u0131, psikoloji y\u00f6n\u00fcnden ilk olarak \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcmlenmesi, b\u00fct\u00fcn Yunan sanat\u0131n\u0131n k\u00f6klerinden biri olarak g\u00f6r\u00fclmesi. \u00d6b\u00fcr\u00fc de Sokratescili\u011fin anla\u015f\u0131lmas\u0131: Sokrates’i Yunan \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcn arac\u0131, \u00f6rnek d\u00e9cadent olarak g\u00f6r\u00fcp tan\u0131mak ilk kez. “Ak\u0131lc\u0131l\u0131k”, i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcye kar\u015f\u0131t. Her\u015fey pahas\u0131na “ak\u0131lc\u0131l\u0131k”: Tehlikeli, ya\u015fam\u0131 y\u0131k\u0131c\u0131 bir g\u00fc\u00e7. Kitapta H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131k \u00fcst\u00fcne derin, d\u00fc\u015fmanca bir susku ba\u015ftanba\u015fa; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc o ne Apollonca, ne de Dionysoscad\u0131r; Tragedya’n\u0131n Do\u011fu\u015fu’nda tan\u0131nan biricik de\u011ferlerin, estetik de\u011ferlerin hepsini yads\u0131r: En a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 anlam\u0131yla nihilist’dir. H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131k; oysa Dionysos simgesiyle, olumlaman\u0131n en son s\u0131n\u0131r\u0131na ula\u015f\u0131r\u0131z. Kitab\u0131n bir yerinde papazlara “yeralt\u0131nda ya\u015fayan k\u00f6t\u00fc, d\u00fczenci c\u00fcceler soyu” diye dokunduruluyor…<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>
\nE\u015fine az rastlan\u0131r bir ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7t\u0131r bu. En derin i\u00e7 ya\u015fant\u0131ma kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k gelen biricik simgeyi bulmu\u015ftum tarihte, -b\u00f6ylelikle Dionysosca denen mucizelik olay\u0131 ilk kavrayan ben olmu\u015ftum. Bunun gibi, Sokrates’i d\u00e9cadent olarak tan\u0131makla da, psikolojik kavray\u0131\u015f\u0131mdaki \u015fa\u015fmazl\u0131\u011f\u0131n herhangi bir ki\u015fisel t\u00f6re kayg\u0131s\u0131ndan yana hi\u00e7 korkusu olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 apa\u00e7\u0131k kan\u0131tlad\u0131m; t\u00f6re’nin kendisini d\u00e9cadence belirtisi diye almak, pek \u00f6nemli, benzersiz bir yenilikti bilgi tarihinde. Bu iki bulu\u015fumla, ku\u015f beyinlilerin iyimserlik-k\u00f6t\u00fcmserlik kar\u015f\u0131tl\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcne zavall\u0131ca gevezeliklerini nas\u0131l da a\u015f\u0131verdim! \u0130lk olarak ben g\u00f6rd\u00fcm ger\u00e7ek kar\u015f\u0131tl\u0131\u011f\u0131: Bir yanda, ya\u015fama kar\u015f\u0131 alttan alta \u00f6\u00e7 g\u00fcden o yozla\u015fm\u0131\u015f i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fc (\u00f6rnekleri H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131k, Schopenhauer felsefesi, bir anlamda daha o zamandan Platon Felsefesi, \u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fc); \u00f6b\u00fcr yanda doluluktan, dolup ta\u015fmaktan do\u011fmu\u015f en y\u00fcksek bir olumlama ilkesi, s\u0131n\u0131rlama bilmeyen bir evet deyi\u015f, ac\u0131n\u0131n kendisine, su\u00e7un kendisine, varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n sorunsal ve yabanc\u0131 nesi varsa hepsine… Ya\u015fama kar\u015f\u0131 bu en sonuncu, en sevin\u00e7li, en co\u015fkun ve ta\u015fk\u0131n “evet” deyi\u015f yaln\u0131zca en y\u00fckse\u011fi de\u011fildir bilgeliklerin, hem de en derini, do\u011frunun ve bilimin en sa\u011flamca do\u011frulay\u0131p destekleridir. Varolan hi\u00e7bir \u015fey d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fclemez toplamdan, hi\u00e7bir \u015feyden ge\u00e7ilemez. H\u0131ristiyanlar\u0131n ve \u00f6b\u00fcr nihilist’lerin varl\u0131kta yads\u0131d\u0131klar\u0131 yanlar, d\u00e9cadence i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fcn ba\u011fr\u0131na bast\u0131\u011f\u0131, basabildi\u011fi her \u015feyden \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fclmez derecede daha y\u00fcksek bir yer tutar de\u011ferler s\u0131ras\u0131nda. Y\u00fcrek ister bunu kavramak i\u00e7in; bunun da ko\u015fulu g\u00fc\u00e7 fazlas\u0131d\u0131r. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc y\u00fcreklilik nas\u0131l b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcs\u00fcnde ileri at\u0131l\u0131rsa, g\u00fc\u00e7 de t\u0131pk\u0131 onun gibi b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcs\u00fcnde do\u011fruya yakla\u015f\u0131r. Zay\u0131flar i\u00e7in, zay\u0131fl\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131n verdi\u011fi esinle, ger\u00e7ekten korkup ka\u00e7mak, yani “\u00fclk\u00fc” nas\u0131l bir zorunluluksa, g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fcler i\u00e7in de b\u00f6yledir bilmek, ger\u00e7e\u011fe “evet” demek… Bilip bilmemek elinde de\u011fildir zay\u0131flar\u0131n: Yalans\u0131z edemez d\u00e9cadent dedi\u011fin, onun ya\u015famda kalma ko\u015fullar\u0131ndan biridir bu. -“Dionysosca” s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcn kavramakla kalmay\u0131p, o s\u00f6zc\u00fckte kendini de bulan kimse, art\u0131k Platon’u, H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131\u011f\u0131, Schopenhauer’i \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fctmek istemez, kokusunu al\u0131r ordaki \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcmenin…<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>
\n“Tragik” kavram\u0131n\u0131, tragedya’n\u0131n psikolojisi \u00fcst\u00fcne bilinebilecek en son \u015feyleri ne \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde buldu\u011fumu Putlar\u0131n Bat\u0131\u015f\u0131’nda bir kez daha dile getirdim. “En yabanc\u0131, en amans\u0131z sorunlar\u0131yla bile ya\u015fama evet deyi\u015f; en y\u00fcksek \u00f6rneklerini kurban ederken kendi bereketinin mutlulu\u011funa varan o ya\u015fama istemi, -buydu adland\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131m Dionysosca diye, buydu tragik ozan\u0131n psikolojisine varmak i\u00e7in benim buldu\u011fum k\u00f6pr\u00fc. \u00dcrk\u00fcden, ac\u0131madan kurtulmak i\u00e7in de\u011fil, zorlu bir bo\u015falmayla tehlikeli tutkulardan ar\u0131nmak i\u00e7in de\u011fil, -Aristotales bunu yanl\u0131\u015f anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 b\u00f6yle,- tersine, \u00fcrk\u00fc ve ac\u0131man\u0131n \u00f6tesinde, olu\u015fun bengi sevincine varmak, onun ta kendisi olmak i\u00e7in, o sevin\u00e7 ki yoketmenin sevinci de girer i\u00e7ine…” Bu anlamda kendimi ilk tragik feylosof, yani k\u00f6t\u00fcmser feylosofun taban tabana kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131 saymaya hakk\u0131m var. Dionysos olgusunun benden \u00f6nce b\u00f6yle feylosofca bir tutkuyla duyulmas\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fclmemi\u015ftir: Tragik bilgelik eksiktir; bunun izlerini, hem de Sokrates’ten iki y\u00fczy\u0131l \u00f6nceki o b\u00fcy\u00fck Yunan felsefesinden bile bo\u015funa arad\u0131m. Bir tek Herakleitos \u00fczerinde ku\u015fkum var; zaten onun yak\u0131n\u0131nda kendimi her yerden daha s\u0131cak, daha rahat duymu\u015fumdur hep. Yokulu\u015fun, yokedi\u015fin olumlanmas\u0131 -ki Dionysosca bir felsefenin can al\u0131c\u0131 noktas\u0131d\u0131r-, kar\u015f\u0131tl\u0131klara, sava\u015fa ve “varl\u0131k” kavram\u0131n\u0131 k\u00f6k\u00fcnden yads\u0131yarak olu\u015fa evet deyi\u015f: \u015eimdiye dek d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fclenler i\u00e7inde ban en yak\u0131n olarak bunlar\u0131 buluyorum \u015f\u00fcphesiz. “Bengi d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f” \u00f6\u011fretisi, yani s\u0131n\u0131r tan\u0131madan, sonsuza dek her\u015feyin durmadan yokolup yeniden do\u011fmas\u0131, Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn bu \u00f6\u011fretisi daha o zamandan Herakleitosca da \u00f6\u011fretilmi\u015f olabilirdi. Hi\u00e7 de\u011filse, Herakleitos’un ana d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerinden hemen hepsine konmu\u015f olan Stoa’da bunun izlerine rastlan\u0131r.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>
\nU\u00e7suz bucaks\u0131z bir umut sesleniyor bu yaz\u0131dan. Asl\u0131nda, musikinin Dionysosca bir gelece\u011finden umudu kesmem i\u00e7in hi\u00e7bir neden yok. Y\u00fczy\u0131l sonras\u0131na bir g\u00f6z atal\u0131m, varsayal\u0131m ki do\u011fan\u0131n, insan\u0131n iki bin y\u0131ldan beri kirletilmesine kar\u015f\u0131 ya\u011f\u0131nmam ba\u015far\u0131yla sonu\u00e7lanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. O zaman ya\u015famdan yana olacak yeniler, g\u00f6revlerin en b\u00fcy\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc, daha y\u00fcksek bir insanl\u0131k yeti\u015ftirilmesini, bunun bir par\u00e7as\u0131 olarak da, soysuzla\u015fm\u0131\u015f, salakla\u015fm\u0131\u015f her \u015feyin ac\u0131madan yokedilmesi i\u015fini ele alacaklar ve Dionysosca durumun yeniden do\u011faca\u011f\u0131 o ya\u015fam bollu\u011funu yery\u00fcz\u00fcnde olanakl\u0131 k\u0131lacaklard\u0131r. Tragik bir \u00e7a\u011f mu\u015ftuluyorum: \u0130nsanl\u0131k en amans\u0131z, ama en zorunlu sava\u015flar\u0131 bir kez ard\u0131nda b\u0131rak\u0131p, ac\u0131 \u00e7ekmeksizin unuttu\u011fu an, ya\u015fama evet deyi\u015fin en y\u00fcksek sanat\u0131, tragedya yeni ba\u015ftan do\u011facakt\u0131r. Bir psikolog ayr\u0131ca \u015funlar\u0131 da ekleyebilirdi: Gen\u00e7 ya\u015f\u0131mda Wagner musikisinden duyduklar\u0131m\u0131n, asl\u0131nda Wagner’le hi\u00e7 mi hi\u00e7 ilgisi yoktur; Dionysosca musikiyi betimlerken, kendimde duydu\u011fum bir \u015feyi betimliyordum; her \u015feyi o i\u00e7imde ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m yeni solu\u011fun diline \u00e7eviriyor, ba\u015fka bir k\u0131l\u0131\u011fa sokuyordum i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcmle. Bunun kan\u0131t\u0131 ise -bir kan\u0131t ne denli g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc olabilirse \u00f6yle g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir kan\u0131t- “Wagner Bayreuth’da” adl\u0131 yaz\u0131md\u0131r. Psikoloji y\u00f6n\u00fcnden can al\u0131c\u0131 noktalarda hep kendimden s\u00f6z a\u00e7m\u0131\u015f\u0131md\u0131r; Wagner ad\u0131n\u0131n ge\u00e7ti\u011fi her yerde, hi\u00e7 \u00e7ekinmeden benim ad\u0131m\u0131 ya da Zerd\u00fc\u015ft ad\u0131n\u0131 koyabilirsiniz. Dithyrambos sanat\u00e7\u0131n\u0131n betimlemesidir; u\u00e7urum gibi derincesine ve Wagner ger\u00e7e\u011fine bir an bile olsun de\u011finmeksizin \u00e7izilmi\u015ftir. Wagner de sezinlemi\u015fti bunu; o yaz\u0131da kendini tan\u0131yamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bunun gibi, “Bayreuth d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi” de, okuyucular\u0131m i\u00e7in hi\u00e7 de bilmece say\u0131lmayacak bir \u015feye d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc: En se\u00e7kin insanlar\u0131n en b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6devlere kendilerini adad\u0131klar\u0131 o b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6\u011fle’ye, -belki de g\u00fcn\u00fcn birinde ya\u015fayabilece\u011fim bir \u015fenli\u011fin g\u00f6r\u00fcm’\u00fcne… \u0130lk sayfalardaki tutku d\u00fcnya tarihine ge\u00e7ecektir: Yedinci sayfada s\u00f6z\u00fc edilen bak\u0131\u015f, ger\u00e7ek Zerd\u00fc\u015ft bak\u0131\u015f\u0131d\u0131r; Wagner, Bayreuth, o Alman k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc, bayal\u0131\u011f\u0131, hepsi bir buluttur; \u00fczerinde gelece\u011fin sonsuz bir \u0131lg\u0131m\u0131 par\u0131ldamaktad\u0131r. Psikolojik bak\u0131mdan da, kendi yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131n ana \u00e7izgileri hep bir arada bulunu\u015fu, hi\u00e7 kimsede g\u00f6r\u00fclmemi\u015f bir g\u00fc\u00e7 istemi, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce alan\u0131nda g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc budaktan sak\u0131nmayan, etkinlik istemine hi\u00e7 zarar vermeyen o s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131z \u00f6\u011frenme g\u00fcc\u00fc. Bu kitapta her\u015fey gelece\u011fi, Yunan ekinin k\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc bir kez \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcld\u00fckten sonra, onu gene ba\u011flayacak kar\u015f\u0131 \u0130skender’lerin zorunlulu\u011fu… Tragik duyu\u015f” kavram\u0131na ge\u00e7i\u015fteki o tonu bir dinleyin hele; evrensel, tarihsel bir tondur bu; yaz\u0131 ba\u015ftanba\u015fa dunlarla doludur. Olup olabilecek en al\u0131\u015f\u0131lmam\u0131\u015f “nesnellik”ti benimkisi: Kim oldu\u011fumu olanca kesinlikle biliyor, ama bunu herhangi bir rastlant\u0131l\u0131k ger\u00e7e\u011fe yans\u0131t\u0131yordum; beni anlatan do\u011frular\u0131n sesi \u00fcrk\u00fcn\u00e7 bir u\u00e7urumdan geliyordu. Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn deyi\u015f’ini daha o zamandan bilmi\u015f\u00e7esine, bir kez olsun yan\u0131l\u0131p \u015fa\u015fmadan betimliyorum; Zerd\u00fc\u015ft denen olay’a, insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n o korkun\u00e7 ar\u0131nmas\u0131, kutsanmas\u0131 edimine gelince, hi\u00e7 bir zaman s. 41-44 aras\u0131ndakinden daha ulu bir deyi\u015fle dile getirilemez bu.<\/p>\n
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\n\u00c7a\u011fd\u0131\u015f\u0131 yaz\u0131lar\u0131n d\u00f6rd\u00fc de (“David Strauss”, “Ya\u015fam \u0130\u00e7in Tarihin Yarar\u0131 ve Zarar\u0131 \u00dczerine”, “E\u011fitici Olarak Schopenhauer”, “Richard Wagner Bayreuth’da”.) sava\u015f\u00e7\u0131 m\u0131 sava\u015f\u00e7\u0131d\u0131r. Bunlar “ba\u015f\u0131mda kavak yelleri esmedi\u011fini”, k\u0131l\u0131c\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7ekmekten ho\u015fland\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, belki de bile\u011fimin pek sa\u011f\u0131 solu olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kan\u0131tlar. \u0130lk sald\u0131r\u0131 (1873) daha o zaman bile hi\u00e7 ac\u0131maks\u0131z\u0131n yukardan bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m Alman ekininden yana bir\u015fey kan\u0131tlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, hele onun b\u00f6ylelikle Fransa’y\u0131 yenmi\u015f oldu\u011funu sanmaktan daha beter bir yan\u0131lma olamazd\u0131… \u00c7a\u011fd\u0131\u015f\u0131 yaz\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131n ikincisi (1874) bilim d\u00fczenimizin gidi\u015findeki tehlikeyi, ya\u015fam\u0131 kemiren, a\u011fulayan yan\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa vurur: Bu insanca anlam\u0131n\u0131 yitirmi\u015f \u00e7arklar, bu mekanizma, i\u015f\u00e7inin bu “ki\u015filiksizle\u015fme”si, “i\u015f b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc”n\u00fcn s\u00f6zde verimlili\u011fi, bunlardan hasta d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr ya\u015fam. Ama\u00e7, yani ekin, elden \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131r, -ara\u00e7, yani \u00e7a\u011fda\u015f bilim d\u00fczeni, yabanc\u0131la\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r… Bu incelemede, \u00e7a\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n b\u00f6ylesine kurumland\u0131\u011f\u0131 “tarihsel anlay\u0131\u015f” ilk kez bir hastal\u0131k, bir \u00f6rnek \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fc\u015f belirtisi olarak tan\u0131n\u0131yor. -\u00dc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc ve d\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc \u00c7a\u011fd\u0131\u015f\u0131 yaz\u0131larda, daha y\u00fcksek bir ekin kavram\u0131na dikkati \u00e7ekmek i\u00e7in, bencilli\u011fin, kendini s\u0131k\u0131ya sokman\u0131n en a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 iki \u00f6rne\u011fi konuyor ortaya, olabildi\u011fince \u00e7a\u011fd\u0131\u015f\u0131 iki \u00f6rnek, \u00e7evrelerinde “Alman devleti”, “ekin”, “H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131k”, “Bismarck”, “ba\u015far\u0131” denen her\u015feye kar\u015f\u0131 y\u00fcce bir k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmseme duyuyor ikisi de, -Schopenhauer ve Wagner ya da tek s\u00f6zc\u00fckle, Nietzsche…<\/p>\n
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\nBu d\u00f6rt ya\u011f\u0131nmadan ilki ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc bir ba\u015far\u0131 kazand\u0131. Kopard\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fc her bak\u0131mdan duyulmaya de\u011ferdi. \u00dcst\u00fcn gelmi\u015f bir ulusun yaras\u0131na parmak basm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, -kazand\u0131klar\u0131 yengi bir ekin olay\u0131 de\u011fildi, tersine bamba\u015fka bir\u015feydi belki de… Yaln\u0131z David Strauss’un eski dostlar\u0131ndan de\u011fil, her yandan yan\u0131t ya\u011fd\u0131; onu kendinden ho\u015fnut, dar kafal\u0131 Alman ayd\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6rne\u011fi olarak, k\u0131sacas\u0131 “Eski ve Yeni \u0130nan\u00e7 \u00dcst\u00fcne” adl\u0131 birahane \u0130ncil’inin yazar\u0131 olarak g\u00fcl\u00fcn\u00e7 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm (dar kafal\u0131 ayd\u0131n s\u00f6z\u00fc benim yaz\u0131mdan ge\u00e7mi\u015ftir dilimize). Kutsal hayvanlar\u0131n\u0131, Strauss’lar\u0131n\u0131 (Strauss “deveku\u015fu” demektir.) g\u00fcl\u00fcn\u00e7 bulmakla, W\u00fcrtemberg’li ve Suab olarak derinden gocundurdu\u011fum bu eski dostlar \u00f6yle a\u00e7\u0131k y\u00fcreklilikle ve kabaca yan\u0131t verdiler ki, bundan daha iyisini do\u011frusu isteyemezdim; Prusyal\u0131lar\u0131n tepkisi daha bir ak\u0131ll\u0131ca oldu, -ne de olsa “Prusya mavisi” vard\u0131 kanlar\u0131nda. \u00c7i\u011fli\u011fin daniskas\u0131n\u0131 bir Leipzig gazetesi, o ad\u0131 \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f “Grenzboten” yapt\u0131; gazaba gelen Basellileri zor zaptettim. Y\u00fczde y\u00fcz benim yan\u0131m\u0131 tutan -\u00e7e\u015fit \u00e7e\u015fit, kimi zaman da hi\u00e7 anla\u015f\u0131lmaz nedenlerden- yaln\u0131zca birka\u00e7 ya\u015fl\u0131 bay oldu. \u00d6rne\u011fin, G\u00f6ttinden’den Ewald (-1803\/1875- Alman do\u011fubilimcisi -m\u00fcste\u015frik-), Strauss’a kar\u015f\u0131 ya\u011f\u0131lamam \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fcc\u00fc olmu\u015f demeye getirdi. Ya da eski Hegel’cilerden Bruno Bauer (-1809\/1882- Alman tanr\u0131bilimci.), ki o yaz\u0131dan sonra en dikkatli okuyucular\u0131mdan biri olmu\u015ftu. Ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131n son g\u00fcnlerinde, yitmi\u015f “ekin” kavram\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcne kimden bilgi edinebilece\u011fini g\u00f6stermek i\u00e7in, \u00f6rne\u011fin Prusyal\u0131 tarih\u00e7i Bay von Treitschke’ye (-1834\/1896- Alman tarih\u00e7isi.) benim yaz\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 sal\u0131k vermeyi severdi. Bizim yaz\u0131 ve yazar\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcne en \u00e7ok \u00f6nemseyerek ve uzun uzad\u0131ya konu\u015fan, feylosof Baader’in (-1765\/1841- Alman feylosofu ve tanr\u0131bilimcisi.) eski bir \u00f6\u011frencisi, W\u00fcrzburg’da Profes\u00f6r Hoffman (-1806\/1873- Alman tanr\u0131bilimcisi.) ad\u0131nda biri oldu. Yaz\u0131mdan benim i\u00e7in b\u00fcy\u00fck bir gelecek okuyordu, -tanr\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131k konusunda bir bunluk yaratacak en son s\u00f6z\u00fc s\u00f6yleyecektim; ona g\u00f6re tanr\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n en k\u00f6kten, en amans\u0131z temsilcisi bendim. Beni Schopenhauer’e \u00e7eken \u015fey de buydu. -Ama hepsinin i\u00e7inde en \u00e7ok okunan\u0131, herkese en ac\u0131 koyan\u0131, asl\u0131nda \u00f6ylesine yumu\u015fak huylu Karl Hillebrand’\u0131n (-1829\/1884- Alman tarih\u00e7isi ve gazetecisi.), eli kalem tutan o sonuncusu insan Alman’\u0131n ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc sert ve y\u00fcrekli savunu\u015fu oldu. Yaz\u0131s\u0131 “Augsburger Zeitung”da \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131; bug\u00fcn biraz daha yumu\u015fat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bi\u00e7imiyle toplu yaz\u0131lar\u0131 aras\u0131nda okunabilir. Burada benim yaz\u0131 bir olay, bir d\u00f6n\u00fcm noktas\u0131, ay\u0131l\u0131p kendine geli\u015f, \u00e7ok hay\u0131rl\u0131 bir belirti olarak, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce i\u015flerinde Alman a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n ve tutkusunun yeniden do\u011fu\u015fu olarak g\u00f6steriliyordu. Hillebrand yaz\u0131n\u0131n bi\u00e7imini, olgun be\u011fenisini, ki\u015fiyle konuyu ay\u0131rmaktaki \u015fa\u015fmaz \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc \u00f6ve \u00f6ve bitiremiyordu:Onu Almanca yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f en iyi tart\u0131\u015fma yaz\u0131s\u0131 olarak niteliyordu; o tart\u0131\u015fma sanat\u0131 ki, Almanlar i\u00e7in tehlikelidir ve hi\u00e7 sal\u0131k verilmez. Beni y\u00fczde y\u00fcz onayl\u0131yor, Almanya’da dilin baya\u011f\u0131la\u015fmas\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcne s\u00f6ylemeyi g\u00f6ze ald\u0131klar\u0131mdan da ileri gidiyor (-bug\u00fcn \u00f6zle\u015ftirmecilik oynuyorlar, bir tek c\u00fcmle bile kuram\u0131yorlar art\u0131k-) ulusun “ba\u015fta gelen yazarlar\u0131”na kar\u015f\u0131 ayn\u0131 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmsemeyi duyuyor ve benim “bir ulusun hem de sevgililerini su\u00e7lu sandalyesine oturtmadaki \u00fcst\u00fcn y\u00fcreklili\u011fime” olan hayranl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yleyerek bitiriyordu… Bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n ya\u015fam\u0131mda paha bi\u00e7ilmez etkileri oldu. Bug\u00fcne dek hi\u00e7 kimse benimle h\u0131r \u00e7\u0131karmaya kalkmad\u0131. Almanya’da bana kar\u015f\u0131 susuyorlar, \u00fcrkek ve \u00e7ekingen davran\u0131yorlar: Bug\u00fcn, hele “Alman devleti”nde, kimsenin g\u00f6ze alamad\u0131\u011f\u0131, s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131z bir s\u00f6z \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden yararland\u0131m y\u0131llard\u0131r. “K\u0131l\u0131c\u0131m g\u00f6lgesindedir” benim cennetim… Asl\u0131nda Stendhal’in bir ilkesini uygulam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m: Y\u00fcksek bir toplulu\u011fa girerken, i\u015fe bir d\u00fcello’yla ba\u015flamay\u0131 sal\u0131k verir o. Nas\u0131l da se\u00e7mi\u015ftim d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131m\u0131! \u0130lk Alman \u00f6zg\u00fcr d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u00fc!… Bana bug\u00fcne dek o Avrupal\u0131, Amerikal\u0131 “libres penseurs” (\u00d6zg\u00fcr d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr.) ulusundan daha uzak, daha yabanc\u0131 olan hi\u00e7bir \u015fey bilmiyorum. O “\u00e7a\u011fda\u015f \u00fclk\u00fcler”e inanan, uslanmaz ku\u015fbeyinlilerle, soytar\u0131larla aramdaki u\u00e7urum, d\u00fc\u015fmanlar\u0131yla aramda olandan \u00e7ok daha derindir. Onlar da bir yol tutturmu\u015f, insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 kendilerine g\u00f6re “d\u00fczeltmek” isterler; benim kim oldu\u011fumu, ne istedi\u011fimi bir bilseler, amans\u0131z bir sava\u015f a\u00e7arlard\u0131 bana kar\u015f\u0131, -topu da “\u00fclk\u00fcler” inan\u0131r daha… \u0130lk t\u00f6resizci’yim ben…<\/p>\n
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\nSchopenhauer ve Wagner adlar\u0131n\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131yan \u00c7a\u011fd\u0131\u015f\u0131 yaz\u0131lar\u0131n, bu iki psikolojiyi anlamakta, ondan da ge\u00e7tim, bu sorun’un yaln\u0131zca ortaya konmas\u0131nda pek i\u015fe yarad\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 ileri s\u00fcrecek de\u011filim, -bunun d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda kalan \u015feyler de var elbette. \u00d6rne\u011fin, Wagner’in yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131ndaki ana \u00f6\u011feyi, o tiyatro oyuncusu yetene\u011fini daha o zamandan sezivermi\u015ftim; kulland\u0131\u011f\u0131 ara\u00e7lar olsun, niyetleri olsun, hepsi bunun zorunlu sonu\u00e7lar\u0131yd\u0131. Asl\u0131na bakarsan\u0131z, bu yaz\u0131larda yapmak istedi\u011fim psikoloji de\u011fil, bamba\u015fka bir\u015feydi: E\u015fine rastlanmam\u0131\u015f bir e\u011fitim sorunu, insan\u0131 \u00e7elik gibi yapacak, yepyeni bir “kendini s\u0131k\u0131ya koyma”, “kendini savunma” kavram\u0131, b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011fe, evrensel, tarihsel \u00f6devlere g\u00f6t\u00fcren bir yol, -bunlar dile gelmek istiyordu ilk kez. S\u00f6z\u00fcn k\u0131sas\u0131, insan bir\u015feyi anlatabilmek, elinde birka\u00e7 deyim, im, s\u00f6yleme yolu daha \u00e7ok bulundurmak i\u00e7in \u00f6n\u00fcne \u00e7\u0131kan f\u0131rsattan nas\u0131l yararlan\u0131rsa, ben de bu iki \u00fcnl\u00fc, ama daha hi\u00e7 mi hi\u00e7 belirlenmemi\u015f \u00f6rne\u011fe \u00f6ylece yap\u0131\u015f\u0131verdim. \u00dc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc yaz\u0131n\u0131n 7. b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnde hepten korkun\u00e7 bir uzg\u00f6r\u00fcyle de\u011finilmi\u015ftir buna. Bunun gibi, Platon da Sokrates’den bir im dili olarak yararlanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. -Bu yaz\u0131lar\u0131n tan\u0131k oldu\u011fu o hayli geride kalm\u0131\u015f durumlar\u0131 \u015fimdi g\u00f6z \u00f6n\u00fcne getirdi\u011fimde, asl\u0131nda yaln\u0131z kendimden s\u00f6z a\u00e7m\u0131\u015f oldu\u011fumu saklayamam. “Wagner Bayreuth’da” yaz\u0131s\u0131 kendi gelece\u011fimin bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcd\u00fcr; “E\u011fitici Olarak Schopenhauer”de ise, benli\u011fimin en i\u00e7 \u00f6yk\u00fcs\u00fc, olu\u015fmas\u0131 yaz\u0131l\u0131d\u0131r. En ba\u015fta da i\u00e7ti\u011fim and!… Bug\u00fcn neyim ben, nerelerde ya\u015f\u0131yorum -art\u0131k s\u00f6zlerle de\u011fil yaln\u0131z y\u0131ld\u0131r\u0131mlarla konu\u015ftu\u011fum y\u00fckseklerde-, o zamanlar nas\u0131l da uzakt\u0131m bunlardan! Ama \u00fclkeyi g\u00f6rd\u00fcm; yol, deniz, tehlike ve ba\u015far\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcne bir an olsun yan\u0131lmad\u0131m! S\u00f6z verirken ne b\u00fcy\u00fck durgunluktur o; yaln\u0131z s\u00f6zde kalmayacak bir gelece\u011fe do\u011fru o ne mutlu bak\u0131\u015ft\u0131r! Derinden, i\u00e7ten ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r burada her s\u00f6z; ac\u0131 \u00e7eken, nerdeyse kanayan s\u00f6zc\u00fckler eksik de\u011fildir. Ama hepsinin \u00fcst\u00fcnden b\u00fcy\u00fck bir \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck yeli esip ge\u00e7er; itiraz gibi gelmez yaran\u0131n kendisi bile. Benim feylosoftan anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u015fey, o yak\u0131n\u0131nda ne varsa hepsinin tehlikede oldu\u011fu korkun\u00e7 dinamit, benim feylosof kavram\u0131mla -y\u00fcksek \u00f6\u011fretimdeki “gevi\u015f getirenler”i, \u00f6b\u00fcr felsefe \u00f6\u011fretmenlerini bir yana b\u0131rak\u0131n- koskoca Kant’\u0131n bile i\u00e7ine girdi\u011fi feylosof kavram\u0131 aras\u0131daki u\u00e7urum, o yaz\u0131 bunlar\u0131n hepsi \u00fcst\u00fcne paha bi\u00e7ilmez \u015feyler \u00f6\u011fretir; ama burada s\u00f6z\u00fc edilen “E\u011fiti Olarak Schopenhauer” de\u011filmi\u015f de, onun tam kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131, “E\u011fitici Olarak Nietzsche” imi\u015f, ne \u00e7\u0131kar. -O zamanlar benim zanaat\u0131m\u0131n bilginlik oldu\u011fu, benim de bu i\u015fin belki ehli oldu\u011fum g\u00f6z \u00f6n\u00fcne al\u0131n\u0131rsa, bu yaz\u0131da bilginlerin psikolojisi \u00fcst\u00fcne birdenbire \u00e7\u0131k\u0131veren o ac\u0131 ele\u015ftirmeyi pek de \u00f6nemsiz saymamal\u0131d\u0131r: Bendeki ayr\u0131 olu\u015f bilincini, benim i\u00e7in \u00f6dev nedir, yaln\u0131zca ara\u00e7, arada e\u011flence, katk\u0131 nedir, bunu hi\u00e7 \u015fa\u015fmadan ay\u0131rdetti\u011fimi g\u00f6sterir o par\u00e7a. Tek bir\u015fey olabilmek, tek bir\u015feye varabilmek i\u00e7in, \u00e7ok yerde, \u00e7ok \u015fey olmak, bu bendeki sa\u011fduyudur. Bir s\u00fcre i\u00e7in de bilgin olmam gerekiyordu.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>(iki ekiyle birlikte)<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\n\u0130nsanca, Pek \u0130nsanca bir bunlu\u011fun an\u0131t\u0131d\u0131r. \u00d6zg\u00fcr d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrler i\u00e7in bir kitap: Budur kendine takt\u0131\u011f\u0131 ad. Hemen her c\u00fcmlesi bir yengi anlat\u0131r; yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131mda bana ayk\u0131r\u0131 olan’dan kurtard\u0131m b\u00f6ylelikle kendimi. Bana ayk\u0131r\u0131 olansa \u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fckt\u00fcr. Budur ba\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n demek istedi\u011fi, “sizin \u00fclk\u00fcler g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcz yerde, ben insanca, pek insanca \u015feyler g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum yaln\u0131z!”… \u0130nsan\u0131 ben daha iyi tan\u0131r\u0131m… Burada “\u00f6zg\u00fcr d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr” s\u00f6z\u00fc bir tek anlama gelir: \u00d6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne kavu\u015fmu\u015f, kendini yeni ba\u015ftan bulmu\u015f bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce. Sesin tonu, t\u0131nlay\u0131\u015f\u0131 ba\u015ftanba\u015fa de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015ftir; kitab\u0131 kurnazca, so\u011fuk, yerine g\u00f6re de sert alayc\u0131 bulursunuz. Soylu be\u011feniden gelme bir t\u00fcr tinsellik sanki derinde bir tutku ak\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131 direnmektedir. Bundan dolay\u0131d\u0131r ki, kitab\u0131n 1878 y\u0131l\u0131ndaki zamans\u0131z yay\u0131mlan\u0131\u015f\u0131na \u00f6z\u00fcr olarak, Voltaire’in 100. \u00f6l\u00fcm y\u0131ld\u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fcne rastlamas\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6stermem bir anlam ta\u015f\u0131r. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc Voltaire, kendinden sonra yazanlar\u0131n tersine, bir grand seigneur’d\u00fc (Soylu y\u00fcce ki\u015fi.) d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce alan\u0131nda, tam benim de oldu\u011fum gibi. Kendi yaz\u0131lar\u0131mdan birinin \u00fczerinde Voltaire ad\u0131, -bir ilerlemeydi bu… kendime do\u011fru… Yak\u0131ndan bak\u0131l\u0131nca, \u00fclk\u00fcn\u00fcn yuvaland\u0131\u011f\u0131 t\u00fcm k\u00f6\u015fe buca\u011f\u0131, yeralt\u0131 zindanlar\u0131n\u0131, en sonuncu s\u0131\u011f\u0131naklar\u0131 kar\u0131\u015f kar\u0131\u015f bilen, kat\u0131 y\u00fcrekli bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcr burada. Elimde alevi hi\u00e7 de “titremeyen” bir \u00e7\u0131ra\u011f\u0131 (“Fackel, \u00e7\u0131ra\u011f\u0131” ve “fackeln, -\u0131\u015f\u0131k hk.) titremek” s\u00f6zc\u00fckleri \u00fcst\u00fcne bir oyun.), keskin bir \u0131\u015f\u0131kla \u00fclk\u00fcn\u00fcn yeralt\u0131 \u00fclkesi’ni ayd\u0131nlatt\u0131m. Sava\u015f bu, ama barutsuz ve dumans\u0131z; ne sava\u015f\u00e7\u0131 davran\u0131\u015flar var, ne duygulan\u0131p co\u015fma, ne de k\u0131r\u0131k kol, bacak, -ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fcs\u00fc gene “\u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fck” olurdu. Yan\u0131lg\u0131lar\u0131 irer birer, hi\u00e7 acele etmeden buz \u00fcst\u00fcne koyuyorum; \u00fclk\u00fcleri \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fctm\u00fcyorum, donduruyorum… \u00d6rne\u011fin, \u015furac\u0131kta “deha” donuyor; az ilerde, k\u00f6\u015fe ba\u015f\u0131nda “ermi\u015f” donuyor, o “kan\u0131\u015f” dedikleri; “ac\u0131ma” da az buz so\u011fumuyor hani, -“kendili\u011finde \u015fey” donuyor ne yana baksan…<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nBu kitab\u0131n ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131, Bayreuth festivalinin ilk olarak yap\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 haftalara rastlar; orada \u00e7evremi ku\u015fatan her \u015feye kar\u015f\u0131 duydu\u011fum derin bir yabanc\u0131l\u0131k, \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f noktalar\u0131ndan biridir onun. O zamanlar \u00fczerime ne \u00e7e\u015fit g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcmler \u00fc\u015f\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc bilen, g\u00fcn\u00fcn birinde Bayreuth’da uyan\u0131nca nas\u0131l oldu\u011fumu kestirebilir. Sanki d\u00fc\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fcyordum… Neredeydim acaba? Hi\u00e7bir \u015feyi tan\u0131maz olmu\u015ftum, az kals\u0131n Wagner’i bile tan\u0131yamayacakt\u0131m. An\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 bir bir yokluyordum, bo\u015funa. Tribschen, -uzakta bir mutluluk adas\u0131: En ufak bir benzerlik yok. O unutulmaz temel atma g\u00fcnleri (Bayreuth Festival evinin temel atma t\u00f6reni -22 May\u0131s 1872-), kutlamada bulunan k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, se\u00e7kin topluluk, o anlamak i\u00e7in davul zurna istemeyenler: En ufak benzerlik yok. Ne olmu\u015ftu ki? -Wagner’i Almanca’ya \u00e7evirmi\u015flerdi! Wagner’i avucumun i\u00e7ine alm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 Wagner’ci!- Alman sanat\u0131! Alman ustas\u0131! Alman biras\u0131!… Ama bizler, Wagner sanat\u0131n\u0131n ne \u00e7e\u015fit incelmi\u015f sanat\u00e7\u0131lara, nas\u0131l uluslarlar\u00fcst\u00fc bir be\u011feniye y\u00f6neldi\u011fini bilenler, Wagner’i b\u00f6yle Alman “erdemleri”yle s\u00fcsl\u00fc p\u00fcsl\u00fc g\u00f6r\u00fcnce \u00e7ileden \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131k. -San\u0131r\u0131m, Wagner’ciyi tan\u0131yorum; onlar\u0131n ardarda \u00fc\u00e7 ku\u015fa\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f\u00fcmd\u00fcr. Wagner’i Hegel’le kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131ran rahmetli Brendel’den (-1811\/1868-: Alman musiki yazar\u0131.), Bayreuth Bl\u00e4tter’in (Bayreuth’da \u00e7\u0131kan, Wagner’in d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerini savunan bir gazete.) Wagner’i kendi kendisiyle kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131ran “\u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fc”lerine var\u0131ncaya dek; o “ince duygulu”lar Wagner konusunda bir i\u00e7lerini d\u00f6kt\u00fcler, neler neler s\u00f6ylemediler. Bir krall\u0131k veriyorum ak\u0131ll\u0131ca bir tek s\u00f6z i\u00e7in! (A horse! <\/span> A horse! My kingdom a horse! -Bir at! Bir at! Bir krall\u0131k veriyorum bir at i\u00e7in!- Shakespeare, King Richard III, V. sahne.) Ger\u00e7ekten de, insan\u0131n sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 diken diken edecek bir topluluk! Nohl (-1831\/1885- Alman musiki ara\u015ft\u0131r\u0131c\u0131s\u0131.), Pohl (-1826\/1896- Alman musiki yazar\u0131.), Kohl (Lahana.), her t\u00fcrl\u00fc incelik, falan filan! Her \u00e7e\u015fit ucube vard\u0131r aralar\u0131nda, Yahudi d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131na var\u0131ncaya dek. -Zavall\u0131 Wagner! Buralara da m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015fecekti! Domuzlar aras\u0131na d\u00fc\u015fseydi bari! Ama Almanlar\u0131n i\u00e7ine d\u00fc\u015fmek! En sonunda yap\u0131lacak bir i\u015f kal\u0131yor: Gelecek ku\u015faklar\u0131 ayd\u0131nlatmak i\u00e7in, ger\u00e7ek bir Bayreuth’lunun i\u00e7ine saman doldurmal\u0131, daha da iyisi onu ispirto i\u00e7inde saklamal\u0131 -eksik olan esprit’tir (Nietzsche “spiritus” s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc iki ayr\u0131 anlamda -“ispirto” ve “esprit”- kullanarak bir oyun yap\u0131yor.) \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc-, alt\u0131na da \u015funu yazmal\u0131: Alman “devlet”i kurulurken g\u00f6z \u00f6n\u00fcnde tutulan “d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce” buydu i\u015fte… Neyse, bu g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fc pat\u0131rt\u0131 aras\u0131nda ans\u0131z\u0131n birka\u00e7 haftal\u0131\u011f\u0131na oradan ayr\u0131ld\u0131m; pek ho\u015f bir Parisli han\u0131m beni avutmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131, ama fayda etmedi. Bunun ka\u00e7\u0131n\u0131lmaz bir\u015fey oldu\u011fu anlam\u0131nda bir tel \u00e7ekerek \u00f6z\u00fcr diledim Wagner’den. B\u00f6hmerwald ormanlar\u0131 i\u00e7ine g\u00f6m\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f bir yerde, Klingenbrunn’da, derin melankolimi, Almanlara kar\u015f\u0131 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmseyi\u015fimi bir hastal\u0131k gibi i\u00e7imde ta\u015f\u0131yarak dola\u015f\u0131yor, aras\u0131ra cep defterime “Sapan Demiri” genel ba\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 alt\u0131nda bir c\u00fcmle karal\u0131yordum: belki daha \u0130nsanca, Pek \u0130nsanca’da bile g\u00f6r\u00fclebilece\u011fi gibi, keskin psikolojik g\u00f6zlemlerdi her biri.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nO s\u0131ra benim i\u00e7imde a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p kesinle\u015fen \u015fey, Wagner’le bozu\u015fma falan de\u011fildi, -i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcm\u00fcn toptan sap\u0131tt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 farkettim; tek tek yan\u0131lg\u0131lar\u0131m, Wagner olsun, Basel’de profes\u00f6rl\u00fck olsun, hepsi bunun belirtileriydi yaln\u0131z. Kendime kar\u015f\u0131 bir sab\u0131rs\u0131zl\u0131k \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc \u00fcst\u00fcme. Toparlan\u0131p ay\u0131lmam i\u00e7in vakit gelmi\u015f de ge\u00e7iyordu bile. Bir an i\u00e7inde, o g\u00fcne dek vaktimi nas\u0131l bo\u015fu bo\u015funa harcad\u0131\u011f\u0131m, \u00f6devimle \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcl\u00fcnce filolog ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n nas\u0131l i\u015fe yaramaz, nas\u0131l geli\u015fig\u00fczel oldu\u011fu korkun\u00e7 bir a\u00e7\u0131kl\u0131kla kafama dank etti. Bu yanl\u0131\u015f al\u00e7akg\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmden utand\u0131m… Geride b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m on y\u0131l i\u00e7inde d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncemin beslenmesi hepten durmu\u015ftu; i\u015fe yarar yeni hi\u00e7bir \u015fey \u00f6\u011frenmemi\u015f, bilgi\u00e7li\u011fin toz tutmu\u015f eski p\u00fcsk\u00fcyle u\u011fra\u015fmaktan, pek \u00e7ok \u015feyi aptalcas\u0131na unutmu\u015ftum. \u0130lk\u00e7a\u011f \u015fiirinin \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcleri, ayaklar\u0131 i\u00e7inde b\u00fcy\u00fck bir titizlikle, k\u00f6r k\u00f6stebek gibi s\u00fcr\u00fcnmek, -buralara d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm art\u0131k! Ac\u0131yarak bak\u0131yordum kendime, a\u00e7l\u0131ktan bir deri bir kemik kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m: Bildiklerim aras\u0131nda bir tek \u015fey yoktu ger\u00e7ek ad\u0131na; “\u00fclk\u00fcler”se be\u015f para etmiyordu! \u0130\u00e7imi yak\u0131c\u0131 bir susuzluk sarm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 baya\u011f\u0131: Ger\u00e7ekten, o g\u00fcn bu g\u00fcn fizyoloji t\u0131p ve do\u011fa bilimlerinden ba\u015fka hi\u00e7bir \u015feyle u\u011fra\u015fmad\u0131m, -as\u0131l tarihsel incelemelere bile, ancak \u00f6devim beni zorla s\u00fcr\u00fckledi\u011fi zaman d\u00f6nd\u00fcm. \u0130lk o zaman, i\u00e7 g\u00fcd\u00fcye ayk\u0131r\u0131 olarak, insan\u0131 \u00e7ekip ba\u011flayan hi\u00e7bir olmaks\u0131z\u0131n se\u00e7ilmi\u015f bir etkinlikle, o “meslek” dedikleriyle, bo\u015fluk ve a\u00e7l\u0131k duygusu i\u00e7inde afyon yerine ge\u00e7ecek, Wagner sanat\u0131 \u00f6rne\u011fi bir sanat bulup kendini uyu\u015fturma gereksinmesi aras\u0131ndaki ili\u015fkiyi de sezdim. \u00c7evreme yak\u0131ndan bak\u0131nca, bu tehlike ba\u015flar\u0131nda olan \u00e7ok say\u0131da gen\u00e7 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm: Do\u011faya ayk\u0131r\u0131 bir i\u015f, bir ikincisini getirir ard\u0131ndan, hi\u00e7 \u015fa\u015fmaz bu. Daha a\u00e7\u0131k s\u00f6yleyeyim, Almanya’da, “Alman devleti” i\u00e7inde \u00e7ok kimse erkenden se\u00e7ip karar verir, bir daha da bu y\u00fck\u00fc \u00fczerinden atamaz, alt\u0131nda \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcr gider; bunun kurtulu\u015fu yoktur… \u0130\u015fte b\u00f6yleleri afyon ister gibi Wagner’i isterler, -orada bir an olsun kendilerini unuturlar, kendilerinden s\u0131yr\u0131l\u0131rlar… Bir an da ne s\u00f6z, be\u015f alt\u0131 saatli\u011fine!
\n
\n<\/b>IV<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\n\u0130nsanca, Pek \u0130nsanca, bana d\u0131\u015fardan bula\u015fm\u0131\u015f her t\u00fcrl\u00fc “y\u00fcksek yutturmaca”ya, “\u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fc\u011fe”, “ince duygular”a, kad\u0131nca ba\u015fka ne varsa hepsine hemen son vermek i\u00e7in kendi kendime koydu\u011fum s\u0131k\u0131 d\u00fczenin bu an\u0131t\u0131, ana hatlar\u0131yla Sorrento’da yaz\u0131ld\u0131: tamamlan\u0131p son bi\u00e7imi almas\u0131 ise, Sorrento’dakinden \u00e7ok daha elveri\u015fsiz ko\u015fullar alt\u0131nda Basel’de ge\u00e7irdi\u011fim k\u0131\u015fa rastlar. Asl\u0131nda, o s\u0131ra Basel \u00dcniversitesi’nde okuyan ve bana pek yak\u0131ndan ba\u011fl\u0131 olan Bay Peter Gast’t\u0131r bu kitab\u0131n sorumlusu. Ben ba\u015f\u0131m g\u00f6z\u00fcm sar\u0131l\u0131 ve ac\u0131lar i\u00e7inde yazd\u0131r\u0131yordum: O bir yandan yaz\u0131yor, bir yandan d\u00fczeltiyordu, -as\u0131l yazar oydu, ben yaln\u0131z neden’iydim kitab\u0131n. Sonunda a\u011f\u0131r hasta birinin derin \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7inde, kitab\u0131 bas\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olarak elime al\u0131nca, Bayreuth’a da iki n\u00fcsha g\u00f6nderdim. Rastlant\u0131n\u0131n pek anlaml\u0131, e\u015fsiz bir oyunuyla, ayn\u0131 anda Parsifal metinin g\u00fczel bir n\u00fcshas\u0131 geldi bana; \u00fczerinde Wagner’in \u015fu arma\u011fan\u0131 vard\u0131: “De\u011ferli dostu Friedrich Nietzsche’ye, Richard Wagner’den, -Kiliseler Dan\u0131\u015fman\u0131”? \u0130ki kitab\u0131n bu \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmas\u0131nda u\u011fursuz bir \u00e7\u0131nlama duyar gibi olmu\u015ftum. K\u0131l\u0131\u00e7 \u015fak\u0131rt\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 and\u0131r\u0131yor muydu bu?… Hi\u00e7 de\u011filse biz ikimiz b\u00f6ylece duyduk bunu: \u0130kimiz de sustuk \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc, -O s\u0131ralardayd\u0131 ki, Bayreuther Bl\u00e4tter’in ilk say\u0131s\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. Neyin tam zaman\u0131yd\u0131, anlad\u0131m hemen. -\u0130nan\u0131lmaz \u015fey! Wagner sofu olmu\u015ftu…<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nO s\u0131ralar (1876) kendimi nas\u0131l g\u00f6r\u00fcyordum, b\u00fcy\u00fck, tarihsel \u00f6devimi nas\u0131l ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc bir yan\u0131lmazl\u0131kla kavram\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, ba\u015f\u0131ndan sonuna dek bunun tan\u0131\u011f\u0131d\u0131r kitap; ama \u00f6zellikle bir b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc \u00e7ok keskin dile getirir bunu. Yaln\u0131z, bana \u00f6zg\u00fc kurnazl\u0131\u011f\u0131mla, gene “ben” s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden ka\u00e7\u0131nm\u0131\u015f ve bu kez Schopenhauer’e ya da Wagner’e de\u011fil, se\u00e7kin Dr. Paul Ree’ye (-1849\/1901- Yazar, Nietzsche’nin dostu. T\u00f6rel de\u011ferlerin kayna\u011f\u0131 ve olu\u015fumu \u00fcst\u00fcne d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceleriyle Nietzsche’yi etkilemi\u015ftir.) d\u00fcnya tarihine ge\u00e7ecek bir \u00fcn ba\u011f\u0131\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, -bereket versin ki, o kendisi bu konuda faka basmayacak kadar anlay\u0131\u015fl\u0131yd\u0131… Ba\u015fkalar\u0131 \u00f6yle anlay\u0131\u015fl\u0131 olmad\u0131lar. Okurlar\u0131m aras\u0131nda umudu kestiklerimi, \u00f6rne\u011fin tam bir Alman profes\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc \u015fundan tan\u0131r\u0131m: Salt bu par\u00e7aya bak\u0131p, koskoca kitab\u0131 bir \u00e7e\u015fit y\u00fcksek “reealism” olarak yorumlayacaklar\u0131n\u0131 san\u0131rlar… Ger\u00e7ekte o b\u00f6l\u00fcm dostumun d\u00f6rt be\u015f c\u00fcmlesiyle \u00e7eli\u015fmekteydi; bu konuda “T\u00f6re’nin Soyk\u00fct\u00fc\u011f\u00fc” \u00f6ns\u00f6z\u00fcne ba\u015fvurabilir. -\u0130\u015fte s\u00f6z\u00fc ge\u00e7en b\u00f6l\u00fcm: \u00c7a\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n en g\u00f6z\u00fc pek, en kat\u0131 y\u00fcrekli d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrlerinden biri, “T\u00f6rel Duyu\u015flar\u0131n Kayna\u011f\u0131 \u00dcst\u00fcne” adl\u0131 kitab\u0131n yazar\u0131 (lisez: [… diye okuyunuz.] Nietzsche, ilk t\u00f6resizci) insan edimlerinin o keskin, derine inen \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcmlenmesi sonucu hangi ilkeye varm\u0131\u015ft\u0131? “T\u00f6rel insan anla\u015f\u0131l\u0131r d\u00fcnyaya do\u011fal insandan daha yak\u0131n de\u011fildir, -anla\u015f\u0131l\u0131r d\u00fcnya yoktur \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc…” Bu c\u00fcmle tarihsel bilginin (lisez: T\u00fcm de\u011ferlerin yenileni\u015fi) \u00e7ekici alt\u0131nda sertle\u015fip keskinle\u015ferek, ilerde belki bir g\u00fcn -1890!- insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n “metafizik gereksinmesi”nin k\u00f6k\u00fcne vurulacak balta olabilir, -insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n yarar\u0131na m\u0131, yoksa y\u0131k\u0131m\u0131na m\u0131, kimse bilmez bunu… Ama ne olursa olsun, \u00e7ok \u00f6nemli sonu\u00e7lar do\u011furabilecek, hem verimli, hem korkun\u00e7, t\u00fcm b\u00fcy\u00fck do\u011frular gibi o \u00e7ifte y\u00fcz\u00fcyle d\u00fcnyaya bakam bir c\u00fcmle…<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>(t\u00f6re’nin bir \u00f6nyarg\u0131 olu\u015fu \u00fcst\u00fcne d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler)<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nT\u00f6re’ye kar\u015f\u0131 seferim bu kitapla ba\u015flar. onda barut kokular\u0131 duyuldu\u011fundan de\u011fil; terine bamba\u015fka, \u00e7ok daha tatl\u0131 kokular gelir, yeter ki insan\u0131n burun delikleri biraz duyar olsun. Ne a\u011f\u0131r, ne de hafif top\u00e7u ate\u015fi: Kitab\u0131n etkileri olumsuzdur ya, kulland\u0131\u011f\u0131 ara\u00e7lar hi\u00e7 de \u00f6yle de\u011fildir; etki bu ara\u00e7lardan bir sonu\u00e7 olarak \u00e7\u0131kar, top\u00e7u ate\u015fi gibi de\u011fil. Ger\u00e7i insan bu kitaptan ayr\u0131l\u0131rken, o ana dek t\u00f6re ad\u0131 alt\u0131nda sayg\u0131 g\u00f6ren, giderek tap\u0131n\u0131lan her \u015feye kar\u015f\u0131 bir \u00e7ekinme, bir \u00fcrkme duyar ama, gene de koca kitapta bir tek olumsuz s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011fe, bir tek sald\u0131r\u0131ya, k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fc\u011fe rastlayamazs\u0131n\u0131z; g\u00fcne\u015fte yatar o, tostoparlak, mutlu, kayalar aras\u0131nda g\u00fcne\u015flenen bir deniz hayvan\u0131 gibi. O deniz hayvan\u0131 da benim ayr\u0131ca: Kitab\u0131n hemen her c\u00fcmlesi, Cenova yak\u0131n\u0131ndaki o birbiri i\u00e7ine girmi\u015f kayal\u0131klar aras\u0131nda tasarlanm\u0131\u015f, ele ge\u00e7irilmi\u015ftir; orada denizle ba\u015fba\u015fayd\u0131k, gizli bir \u015feyler vard\u0131 aram\u0131zda. \u015fimdi bile, bu kitap ne zaman elime ge\u00e7se, hemen her c\u00fcmlesi derinlerden benzersiz bir \u015feyler \u00e7ekip \u00e7\u0131karan bir olta ucu oluverir: B\u00fct\u00fcn derisi belli belirsiz titreyip \u00fcrperir an\u0131larla. Hani ondaki de az sanat de\u011fildir, o u\u00e7arcas\u0131na, sessizce ge\u00e7en \u015feyleri, tanr\u0131sal kertenkeleler dedi\u011fim o ka\u00e7\u0131c\u0131 anlar\u0131 yakalamak… Ger\u00e7i zavall\u0131 kertenkeleleri hemencecik \u015fi\u015fleyiveren o gen\u00e7 Yunan tanr\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n (Hermes.) kan d\u00f6k\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcyle de\u011fil, ama gene de sivri bir \u015feyle, kalemin ucuyla… “Daha \u0131\u015f\u0131mam\u0131\u015f nice tan k\u0131z\u0131ll\u0131klar\u0131 vard\u0131r” -bu Hind yaz\u0131t\u0131n\u0131 (Rig veda II. 28. 9.) koydum kitab\u0131m\u0131n giri\u015fine. Yeniden bir g\u00fcn\u00fcn, -ah ardarda g\u00fcnlerin, say\u0131s\u0131z yeni g\u00fcnlerle dolu bir d\u00fcnyan\u0131n- ba\u015flayaca\u011f\u0131 o yeni sabah\u0131, o tatl\u0131 tan k\u0131z\u0131ll\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yazar nerede ar\u0131yor? T\u00fcm de\u011ferlerin yenileni\u015finde, t\u00fcm t\u00f6rel de\u011ferlerden kopmakta, o g\u00fcne dek yasaklanm\u0131\u015f, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmsenmi\u015f, karg\u0131nm\u0131\u015f her\u015feye “evet” demekte, g\u00fcvenmekte. Bu olumlayan kitap, \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, sevgisini, sevecenli\u011fini ba\u015ftanba\u015fa o k\u00f6t\u00fc \u015feyler \u00fcst\u00fcne d\u00f6k\u00fcyor; y\u00fcce bir hak ve \u00f6ncelik veriyor. T\u00f6reye sald\u0131rm\u0131yorum; art\u0131k onu yok biliyorum yaln\u0131zca… “Ya da” diye bitiyor kitap, -biricik kitap bu, “Ya da” ile biten…<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\n\u00d6devim, insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n en y\u00fcksek anlamda kendine d\u00f6nece\u011fi, geriye bakaca\u011f\u0131, ileriye bakaca\u011f\u0131, rastlant\u0131n\u0131n, rahiplerin boyunduru\u011fundan kurtulup, ni\u00e7in, neden sorular\u0131n\u0131 ilk kez toptan ortaya koyaca\u011f\u0131 o \u00e2n\u0131, o b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6\u011fle’yi haz\u0131rlamak olan \u00f6devim, \u015fu kan\u0131n\u0131n zorunlu sonucudur: \u0130nsanl\u0131k do\u011fru yolu bulmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r kendi ba\u015f\u0131na; y\u00f6netili\u015fi hi\u00e7 de tanr\u0131sal de\u011fildir; tersine, o yads\u0131yan, o bozucu i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcler, d\u00e9cadence i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fc onu ba\u015ftan \u00e7\u0131karm\u0131\u015f, hem de en kutsal de\u011ferleri aras\u0131nda h\u00fck\u00fcm s\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr. T\u00f6rel de\u011ferlerin kayna\u011f\u0131 sorusu bu y\u00fczden benim i\u00e7in en ba\u015fta gelen sorulardan biridir; insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n gelece\u011fi bunun yan\u0131t\u0131na ba\u011fl\u0131d\u0131r \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. Asl\u0131nda her \u015feyin en iyi ellerde y\u00fcr\u00fct\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne, tek bir kitab\u0131n, Kutsal Kitap’\u0131n bize insan yazg\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 y\u00f6neten tanr\u0131sal bilgelik \u00fcst\u00fcne en son \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcmleri getirdi\u011fine, \u00f6tesini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmemek gerekti\u011fine inanmam\u0131z\u0131 istemek, ger\u00e7ek\u00e7i bir dile \u00e7evrildi\u011finde \u015furaya var\u0131r: Bunun tam tersinin -o ac\u0131nacak durumun- do\u011fru oldu\u011fu, yani bug\u00fcne dek insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n en k\u00f6t\u00fc ellerde kald\u0131\u011f\u0131, en yeteneksizlerin, d\u00fczencilerin, \u00f6\u00e7 g\u00fcd\u00fcc\u00fclerin, o “ermi\u015f” dedikleri, d\u00fcnyaya kara \u00e7alan, insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 lekeleyen kimselerin onu y\u00f6nettikleri inanc\u0131 su y\u00fcz\u00fcne \u00e7\u0131ks\u0131n istemiyorlar. Rahiplerin (o k\u0131l\u0131k de\u011fi\u015ftirmi\u015f rahipler, yani feylosoflar da buraya giriyor) yaln\u0131z belli bir cemaat i\u00e7inde de\u011fil, hepten dizginleri ele ge\u00e7irdiklerinin, d\u00e9cadence t\u00f6resiyle biti\u015f isteminin ger\u00e7ek t\u00f6re say\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n en \u015fa\u015fmaz belirtisi, \u00e7\u0131kar g\u00f6zetmezli\u011fe verilen y\u00fczde y\u00fcz de\u011fer ve bencilli\u011fe her yerde duyulan d\u00fc\u015fmanl\u0131kt\u0131r. Bu konuda benden ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcneni mikrop bula\u015fm\u0131\u015flardan say\u0131yorum… Herkes benden ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyor ne yaz\u0131k ki… Bir fizyologun bu de\u011fer kar\u015f\u0131tl\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcne hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcphesi yoktur. \u00d6rgenlik i\u00e7inde en \u00f6nemsiz bir par\u00e7a, kendini korumay\u0131, g\u00fc\u00e7 b\u00fct\u00fcnlemesini, “bencilli\u011fini” hi\u00e7 \u015fa\u015fmadan y\u00fcr\u00fctmekte az da olsa bir kusur i\u015fledi mi, \u00f6rgenli\u011fin b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fc yozla\u015f\u0131verir. Fizyolog kesilip at\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 ister yozla\u015fan par\u00e7an\u0131n; onunla dayan\u0131\u015fma diye bir \u015fey tan\u0131maz; hele ona ac\u0131may\u0131 hi\u00e7 mi hi\u00e7 ge\u00e7irmez akl\u0131ndan. Ama tam budur rahibin istedi\u011fi, b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcn, insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n yozla\u015fmas\u0131d\u0131r: Bu y\u00fczdendir ki saklay\u0131p korur yozla\u015fan par\u00e7ay\u0131, bunun kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 olarak da h\u00fckmeder ona… O yalanc\u0131 kavramlar\u0131n, “ruh”, “tin” “\u00f6zg\u00fcr istem”, “tanr\u0131” gibi, t\u00f6rede kullan\u0131lan kavramlar\u0131n anlam\u0131, insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 fizyolojik olarak y\u0131kmak de\u011fil de nedir?… Kendimizi korumay\u0131, bedenin, yani ya\u015fam\u0131n g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fc artt\u0131rmay\u0131 \u00f6nemsemekten bizi al\u0131koyuyorlarsa, kans\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir \u00fclk\u00fc, bedeni k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmsemeyi “ruhun kurtulu\u015fu” say\u0131yorlarsa, bunlar d\u00e9cadence’a g\u00f6t\u00fcren yoldur de\u011fil de nedir? -Dengeyi yitiri\u015f, do\u011fal i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fclere kar\u015f\u0131 direni\u015f, k\u0131sacas\u0131 “\u00e7\u0131kar g\u00f6zetmeyi\u015f”, -t\u00f6re buydu \u015fimdiye dek… Tan K\u0131z\u0131ll\u0131\u011f\u0131 ile ilk kez o bencil olmayan t\u00f6reye sava\u015f a\u00e7t\u0131m.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>(La Gaya Scienza)<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nOlumlayan bir kitapt\u0131r “Tan K\u0131z\u0131ll\u0131\u011f\u0131”, derinli\u011fine derin, ama yumu\u015fak ve ayd\u0131nl\u0131k. Gaya Scienza da \u00f6yledir, hem de sap\u0131na dek: Hemen her c\u00fcmlesinde derin d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceyle kab\u0131na s\u0131\u011fmazl\u0131k karde\u015f\u00e7e elele verirler. Ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m en e\u015fsiz ocak ay\u0131na -ki bu kitap ba\u015ftanba\u015fa onun arma\u011fan\u0131d\u0131r- minnetimi belirten bir \u015fiir, bilimin \u015fenli\u011fi hangi derinliklerden kopup geliyor, bunu yeterince a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa vurur:<\/p>\n
\nParampar\u00e7a ettin ruhumun buzlar\u0131n\u0131,
\nDenize ak\u0131yor \u015fimdi \u00e7a\u011f\u0131ldayarak,
\nBulmaya en y\u00fcce umutlar\u0131n\u0131:
\nHerg\u00fcn daha ayd\u0131nl\u0131k, daha bir diri
\nVe \u00f6zg\u00fcr, o sevecen zorlay\u0131\u015fla, bak-
\n\u00d6v\u00fcyor sundu\u011fun mucizeleri,
\nEy g\u00fczeller g\u00fczeli Ocak!<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>(herkes i\u00e7in, kimse i\u00e7in bir kitap)<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nZerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn \u00f6yk\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc anlatmama geldi s\u0131ra. Yap\u0131t\u0131n ana d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fc olan bengi-d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi, eri\u015filebilecek o en y\u00fcksek olumlama ilkesi, 1881 y\u0131l\u0131 a\u011fustosuna rastlar: Bir ka\u011f\u0131t par\u00e7as\u0131na karalanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r, alt\u0131nda \u015fu yaz\u0131l\u0131d\u0131r: “\u0130nsan ve Zaman\u0131n 600 ayak \u00f6tesinde”. O g\u00fcn Silvaplana g\u00f6l\u00fc k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131ndaki ormanlarda y\u00fcr\u00fcyordum; Surlei yak\u0131nlar\u0131nda, piramid bi\u00e7imi y\u00fckselen kocaman bir kayan\u0131n dibinde mola verdim. Bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce orada geldi bana. -O tarihten birka\u00e7 ay gerilere gitti\u011fimde, bir \u00f6nbelirti olarak, be\u011fenilerimin, \u00f6zellikle musikide birdenbire ta derinden de\u011fi\u015fiverdi\u011fini g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fc belki de ba\u015ftanba\u015fa musikiden sayabiliriz, -\u015furas\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k ki yepyeni bir kulak istiyordu onun i\u00e7in. Vicenza yak\u0131nlar\u0131ndaki bir k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck da\u011f kapl\u0131cas\u0131nda, Recoaro’da ge\u00e7irdi\u011fimiz 1881 bahar\u0131, maestro’m ve dostum Peter Gast- benim gibi “yeniden do\u011fmu\u015f”lardand\u0131 o da. -ve ben farkettik ki, musiki denilen Anka ku\u015fu her zamankinden daha bir hafif, daha bir \u0131\u015f\u0131ldayan kanatlarla dolan\u0131yordu \u00fcst\u00fcm\u00fczde. O g\u00fcnden bu yana, 1883 \u015fubat\u0131nda birdenbire inan\u0131lmaz ko\u015fullar alt\u0131nda yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m do\u011fuma dek ge\u00e7en s\u00fcreyi -\u00f6ns\u00f6zde birka\u00e7 c\u00fcmlesini aktard\u0131\u011f\u0131m son b\u00f6l\u00fcm, tam Richard Wagner’in Venedik’te \u00f6ld\u00fc\u011f\u00fc kutsal saat bitirilmi\u015ftir- evet, o s\u00fcreyi hesaplad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, gebeli\u011fimin 18 ay s\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc anla\u015f\u0131l\u0131r. T\u0131pat\u0131p bu say\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7\u0131kmas\u0131, benim bir di\u015fi fil oldu\u011fum d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesini getirir insan\u0131n akl\u0131na, -Buda’c\u0131lar\u0131n akl\u0131na hi\u00e7 de\u011filse,- Yak\u0131nda e\u015fsiz bir \u015fey gelece\u011finin y\u00fczlerce belirtisini ta\u015f\u0131yan Gaya Scienza bu araya rastlar: Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131 bile vard\u0131r onda; d\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc kitab\u0131n sondan \u00f6nceki par\u00e7as\u0131nda Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn ana d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi vard\u0131r. -Kar\u0131\u015f\u0131k koro ve orkestra i\u00e7in yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f “Ya\u015fama \u00d6vg\u00fc” de gene bu zaman rastlar; partisyonu iki y\u0131l \u00f6nce Leipzig’de E. W. Fritzsch yay\u0131nevinde \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. O y\u0131l, i\u00e7inde oldu\u011fum durumun, o sonuna dek olumlayan tutkuyla, tragik tutku dedi\u011fim \u015feyle dolup ta\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m durumun hi\u00e7 de yabana at\u0131lmaz bir belirtisidir bu. \u0130lerde bir g\u00fcn beni anmak i\u00e7in \u00e7al\u0131p s\u00f6yleyecekler onu. -S\u00f6zleri (\u00fczerinde duruyorum, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc bir yan\u0131lg\u0131d\u0131r al\u0131p y\u00fcr\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f bu konuda) benim de\u011fildir; o s\u0131ralar dost oldu\u011fum gen\u00e7 bir Rus k\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n, Bayan Lou von Salom\u00e9’nin (Roman, \u00f6yk\u00fc ve deneme yazar\u0131.) \u015fa\u015f\u0131lacak esininden \u00e7\u0131kmad\u0131r. \u015eiirin son b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnden herhangi bir anlam \u00e7\u0131karabilen kimse, neden bu \u015fiiri se\u00e7ip be\u011fendi\u011fimi, neden ona hayran oldu\u011fumu anlayabilir: B\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fck var o s\u00f6zlerde. Ya\u015fama kar\u015f\u0131 bir itiraz say\u0131lm\u0131yor ac\u0131: “Art\u0131k bana verecek mutlulu\u011fun kalmad\u0131 m\u0131, ne \u00e7\u0131kar! Ac\u0131lar\u0131n var daha”. Buras\u0131nda benim musikim de b\u00fcy\u00fckt\u00fcr belki (La -klarneti’nin sonuncu notas\u0131 do diyez de\u011fil, do olacak. Bask\u0131 yanl\u0131\u015f\u0131.) -Ertesi k\u0131\u015f\u0131 Cenova yak\u0131n\u0131nda, Chiavari ile Portofino aras\u0131na sokulan o sevimli, sessiz Rapollo koyunda ge\u00e7irdim. Sa\u011fl\u0131k durumum hi\u00e7 de parlak de\u011fildi; k\u0131\u015f so\u011fuktu, son derece ya\u011fmurluydu. Kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck han denizin hemen \u00fczerindeydi, \u00f6yle ki geceleri dalga \u00e7\u0131k\u0131nca uyunmuyordu; istemedi\u011fim ne varsa hemen hepsi toplanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 orada. Gene de, sanki benim ilkemi, yani ger\u00e7ekten bir diyece\u011fi olan \u015feyin “her ne olursa olsun” ortaya \u00e7\u0131kaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kan\u0131tlamak ister gibi, o k\u0131\u015f, o g\u00fc\u00e7 ko\u015fullar i\u00e7inde ortaya \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcm. -\u00d6\u011fleden \u00f6nceleri Zoagli’ye giden g\u00fczelim yolda, \u00e7aml\u0131klar i\u00e7inden ge\u00e7erek g\u00fcneye do\u011fru \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yordum; g\u00f6z alabildi\u011fine denizi g\u00f6r\u00fcyordum aya\u011f\u0131m\u0131n alt\u0131nda. \u00d6\u011fleden sonralar\u0131, sa\u011fl\u0131k durumum elverdik\u00e7e, Santa Margherita koyunu ta Portofino’nun \u00f6tesine dek bir ba\u015ftan bir ba\u015fa dolan\u0131yordum. Bu yerler, bu g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015fler, \u0130mparator \u00dc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc Friedrich’in oralara olan b\u00fcy\u00fck sevgisi y\u00fcz\u00fcnden daha bir de\u011ferliydi benim g\u00f6z\u00fcmde. 1886 g\u00fcz\u00fcnde yolum gene o k\u0131y\u0131lara d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde, bu k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, unutulmu\u015f mutluluk \u00fclkesine onun da son geli\u015fiydi. -Bu iki yol boyunca Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn b\u00fct\u00fcn birinci b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc do\u011fdu kafamda; en ba\u015fta Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn kendisi, ki\u015fili\u011fi do\u011fdu: Daha do\u011frusu \u00e7ulland\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcme…<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nBu ki\u015fili\u011fi anlamak i\u00e7in, insan onun \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131 fizyolojik ko\u015fullar\u0131, yani benim b\u00fcy\u00fck sa\u011fl\u0131k dedi\u011fim \u015feyi iyice kavram\u0131\u015f olmal\u0131d\u0131r. Bu kavram\u0131 Gaya Scienza’da, be\u015finci kitab\u0131n son b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnde yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan daha iyi, daha ki\u015fisel bir bi\u00e7imde a\u00e7\u0131klayamam. Orada \u015f\u00f6yle deniyor: “Biz yeniler, ads\u0131zlar, k\u00f6t\u00fc anla\u015f\u0131lanlar, biz hen\u00fcz karanl\u0131k bir gelece\u011fin erken do\u011fmu\u015f \u00e7ocuklar\u0131, yeni ama\u00e7lar i\u00e7in yeni yollar gerek bize, yeni bir sa\u011fl\u0131k gerek, \u015fimdiye dek olanlardan daha g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc, daha a\u00e7\u0131kg\u00f6z, daha dayan\u0131kl\u0131, daha atak, daha keyifli bir sa\u011fl\u0131k. Her kim bug\u00fcne dek gelen de\u011ferlerin, dileklerin \u00e7evresini ba\u015ftanba\u015fa dola\u015f\u0131p g\u00f6rmek, bu \u00fclk\u00fcsel “Akdeniz”in k\u0131y\u0131lar\u0131nda yelken a\u00e7mak i\u00e7in can at\u0131yorsa, her kim \u00fclkeler bulan, ele ge\u00e7iren birinin, bir sanat\u00e7\u0131n\u0131n, bir ermi\u015fin, bir yasa koyucusunun, bir bilgenin, bir bilginin, bir sofunun, eski \u00e7a\u011fda her \u015feyden el etek \u00e7ekmi\u015f tanr\u0131sal birinin neler duydu\u011funu i\u00e7inde ya\u015fay\u0131p bilmek istiyorsa, ona en ba\u015fta b\u00fcy\u00fck sa\u011fl\u0131k gereklidir.- bu da yetmez tek ba\u015f\u0131na, insan onu her g\u00fcn yeni ba\u015ftan elde etmelidir, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc ondan her an ge\u00e7ilir, ge\u00e7ilmelidir de… \u015eimdi bizler, bunca zaman yollarda olanlar, biz bir \u00fclk\u00fc arayan Argonaut’lar, (Argo adl\u0131 gemiyle Kolehis’e, alt\u0131n yapa\u011f\u0131 ele ge\u00e7irmeye giden Yunan yi\u011fitleri: \u0130ason, Herakles, Orpheus vb…) belki gerekti\u011finden de \u00e7ok g\u00f6z\u00fcpek olanlar, gemileri batanlar, bunca \u015feye u\u011frayanlar, ama dedi\u011fimiz gibi, ho\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden de \u00e7ok sa\u011flam olanlar, sa\u011flaml\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir tehlike olanlar, sa\u011flam o\u011flu sa\u011flamlar, -bize \u00f6yle geliyor ki, bunlar\u0131n bedeli olarak \u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fczde insan aya\u011f\u0131 de\u011fmemi\u015f, bir \u00fclke var, daha kimse a\u015fmam\u0131\u015f s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131, \u00fclk\u00fc’n\u00fcn bilinen \u00fclkelerinden, t\u00fcm k\u00f6\u015fe buca\u011f\u0131ndan \u00e7ok \u00f6telerde, g\u00fczel, yabanc\u0131, \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fclmemi\u015f, korkun\u00e7 ve tanr\u0131sal \u015feylerle dolu bir d\u00fcnya ki, bilgiye, ele ge\u00e7irmeye susuzlu\u011fumuzdan duramaz olduk art\u0131k -ah bundan b\u00f6yle bizi hi\u00e7bir \u015fey doyuramaz!… Bizler ki b\u00f6yle bir gelece\u011fi sezmi\u015fiz, buluncumuz, kafam\u0131z b\u00f6yle bir a\u00e7l\u0131kla k\u0131vran\u0131yor, bug\u00fcnk\u00fc insanla yetinebilir miyiz hi\u00e7? Ne yapsak bo\u015funa, elimizde de\u011fil: Onun en de\u011ferli ama\u00e7lar\u0131na, umutlar\u0131na bakarken g\u00fclmemek i\u00e7in zor tutuyoruz kendimizi, belki de art\u0131k hi\u00e7 bakm\u0131yoruz bile… Ba\u015fka bir \u00fclk\u00fcd\u00fcr \u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fczde ko\u015fan, \u015fa\u015f\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131, s\u0131nay\u0131c\u0131, tehlikeli bir \u00fclk\u00fc; kimseyi ayartmak istemiyoruz ona, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc kimseye bu hakk\u0131 kolay kolay tan\u0131m\u0131yoruz: \u015eimdiye dek kutsal, iyi, dokunulmaz, tanr\u0131sal bilinen her \u015feyle bir \u00e7ocuk gibi, yani bilmeksizin oyun oynayan, a\u011fz\u0131na dek g\u00fc\u00e7 ve bereket dolu bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncenin \u00fclk\u00fcs\u00fc; uluslar\u0131n hakl\u0131 olarak de\u011fer bildi\u011fi en y\u00fcce \u015feyleri olsa olsa bir tehlike, \u00e7\u00f6kme, al\u00e7alma ya da en az\u0131ndan bir dinlenme, k\u00f6rl\u00fck, arada s\u0131rada kendini unutma sayan birinin \u00fclk\u00fcs\u00fc, ki \u00e7o\u011fu zaman insanl\u0131k d\u0131\u015f\u0131 g\u00f6z\u00fckecektir, \u00f6rne\u011fin \u015fimdiye dek yery\u00fcz\u00fcnde \u00f6nemsenen her \u015feyin, g\u00f6steri\u015fli duru\u015flar\u0131n, s\u00f6zlerin, seslerin, bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131n, t\u00f6re’nin, b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6devlerin yan\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131nda durup da, elinde olmadan onlar\u0131 her \u015feyiyle alaya ald\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, -ama b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6nemseyi\u015f as\u0131l onunla ba\u015flayacak, as\u0131l soru imi onunla konacak, ruhun yazg\u0131s\u0131 de\u011fi\u015fecek, saatin yelkovan\u0131 ilerleyerek, tragedya ba\u015flayacak…”<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nO g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc \u00e7a\u011flarda ozanlar\u0131n esin dedikleri \u015fey nedir, ondokuzuncu y\u00fczy\u0131l sonunda bunu a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a bilen var m\u0131? Yoksa, ben anlatay\u0131m. -\u0130\u00e7imizde az\u0131c\u0131k bo\u015f inan olmaya g\u00f6rs\u00fcn, insan\u00fcst\u00fc g\u00fc\u00e7lerin cisimlenmesi, yaln\u0131zca onlar\u0131n s\u00f6zc\u00fcs\u00fc, arac\u0131s\u0131 oldu\u011funuza inanmaktan kendinizi alamazs\u0131n\u0131z. \u0130nsan\u0131 en derinden sarsan, alt\u00fcst eden bir \u015feyin birdenbire anlat\u0131lmaz bir do\u011fruluk ve incelikle g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcr, duyulur olmas\u0131 anlam\u0131na gelen “vahiy” s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fc var ya, bu olaya t\u0131pat\u0131p uyar i\u015fte. \u0130nsan aramaks\u0131z\u0131n duyar, kimden geldi\u011fini sormaks\u0131z\u0131n al\u0131r; bir \u015fim\u015fek gibi \u00e7akar d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce, zorunlulukla, en son bi\u00e7imi i\u00e7inde, -benim i\u00e7in se\u00e7me diye bir \u015fey yoktu hi\u00e7. Bir kendinden ge\u00e7medir, korkun\u00e7 gerilimi zaman olur g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131yla bo\u015fan\u0131r; y\u00fcr\u00fcrken elinizde olmadan bir h\u0131zlan\u0131r, bir yava\u015flars\u0131n\u0131z; hi\u00e7 kendinizde de\u011filsinizdir, ama tepeden t\u0131rna\u011fa ge\u00e7irdi\u011finiz o ince \u00fcrpertiler sa\u011fana\u011f\u0131n\u0131 apa\u00e7\u0131k duyars\u0131n\u0131z; bir derin mutluluktur, en b\u00fcy\u00fck ac\u0131lar, en korkun\u00e7 \u015fey orada kar\u015f\u0131t etki yapmaz, tersine gerekli duyulur, istenir, bu \u0131\u015f\u0131k bullu\u011funda zorunlu bir renktir o da; bi\u00e7imlerle dolu engin uzaylar\u0131 kaplayan bir ritim ba\u011flant\u0131lar\u0131 sezi\u015fi, -ki uzunluk, geni\u015f dalgal\u0131 bir ritim gereksinmesi neredeyse esin g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fcn bir \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcs\u00fcd\u00fcr, onun bask\u0131s\u0131n\u0131, gerilimini bir anlamda gidermektir… Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey elinizde de\u011fildir, gene de bir \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck duygusu, bir saltl\u0131k, bir g\u00fc\u00e7, bir tanr\u0131sall\u0131k f\u0131rt\u0131nas\u0131 i\u00e7indeymi\u015f gibi olup biter hepsi… \u0130mgenin, benzetinin art\u0131k size ba\u011fl\u0131 olmay\u0131\u015f\u0131 i\u015fin ilgin\u00e7 yan\u0131d\u0131r, imge nedir, benzeti nedir, hi\u00e7birini bilmez olursunuz. Her \u015fey elinizin alt\u0131ndad\u0131r, en do\u011fru, en yal\u0131n deyim. Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn bir s\u00f6z\u00fcyle s\u00f6yleyelim, \u015feyler sanki kendilerinden gelirler, kendilerini sunarlar benzeti olarak (-“Her \u015fey senin konu\u015fman\u0131 ok\u015famaya geliyor burada, y\u00fcz\u00fcne g\u00fcl\u00fcyor senin: \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc senin s\u0131rt\u0131na binip, her do\u011fruya ko\u015fturuyorsun. Burada t\u00fcm varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n s\u00f6zleri, s\u00f6z hazineleri sana a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131veriyor; burada t\u00fcm varl\u0131k s\u00f6z olmak istiyor, senden konu\u015fmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenmek istiyor t\u00fcm olu\u015f-“). \u0130\u015fte esin konusunda benim ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu. “Benimki de b\u00f6yleydi” diyebilecek birisi bulmak i\u00e7in, hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcphe yok, binlerce y\u0131l gerilere gitmeli insan.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nSonra, hasta d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcp birka\u00e7 hafta Cenova’da yatt\u0131m. Arkas\u0131ndan bir ya\u015fl\u0131 bahar ge\u00e7irdim Roma’da; ya\u015fam\u0131 oldu\u011fu gibi kabullenmi\u015ftim, -kolay i\u015f de\u011fildi bu. \u0130stemeden d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm, Zerd\u00fc\u015ft ozan\u0131 i\u00e7in yery\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn bu en yak\u0131\u015f\u0131k almaz yeri can\u0131mdan bezdirmi\u015fti beni asl\u0131nda. Ka\u00e7\u0131p kurtulmak, Roma’n\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131na, Roma’ya d\u00fc\u015fmanl\u0131ktan kurulmu\u015f olan Aquila’ya gitmek istedim; ben de g\u00fcn\u00fcn birinde yak\u0131n akrabalar\u0131mdan birinin, tam gerekti\u011fi gibi bir tanr\u0131s\u0131z ve kilise d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131n\u0131n, Hohenstaufen’lerden o b\u00fcy\u00fck imparator \u0130kinci Friedrich’in (Sicilya kral\u0131, 1220’den sonra da Kutsal Roma Cermen \u0130mparatoru. Papa’lara kar\u015f\u0131 sava\u015fm\u0131\u015f, afaroz edilmi\u015fti.) an\u0131s\u0131na b\u00f6yle bir yer kuraca\u011f\u0131m. Ama talihsizlik yakam\u0131 b\u0131rakm\u0131yordu: Gene Roma’ya d\u00f6nd\u00fcm. H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131k d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131 bir semt aramaktan usanarak, sonunda Piazza Barberini’ye (Roma’da bir alan. Palazzo del Quirinale: \u0130talya kral\u0131n\u0131n oturdu\u011fu saray.) fit oldum. Korkar\u0131m bir seferinde k\u00f6t\u00fc kokulardan elimden geldi\u011fince kurtulmak d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesiyle, bir feylesof i\u00e7in sessiz bir odalar\u0131 olup olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 Palazzo del Quirinale’de bile sordum. -Ad\u0131 ge\u00e7en piazza’ya bakan y\u00fcksek bir odada oturuyordum, Roma aya\u011f\u0131m\u0131n alt\u0131ndayd\u0131; a\u015fa\u011f\u0131lardan \u00e7e\u015fmelerin \u015f\u0131r\u0131lt\u0131s\u0131 duyuluyordu. Bug\u00fcne dek yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f en yapayaln\u0131z t\u00fcrk\u00fc, Gece T\u00fcrk\u00fcs\u00fc, i\u015fte orada yaz\u0131ld\u0131; o s\u0131ralar bir karasevdal\u0131 ezgiyle bozmu\u015ftum, anlat\u0131l\u0131r \u015fey de\u011fildi; bir de ba\u011flamas\u0131 vard\u0131, hep \u015fu s\u00f6zlerle duyuyordum: “\u00d6l\u00fcms\u00fcz olmaktan \u00f6lm\u00fc\u015f”… Yaz\u0131n, Zerd\u00fc\u015ft d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesinin kafamda ilk olarak \u015fim\u015fek gibi \u00e7akt\u0131\u011f\u0131 o kutsal yere (Sils Maria) d\u00f6n\u00fcnce, ikinci b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc buldum. On g\u00fcn yetti. Ne birinci b\u00f6l\u00fcm, ne de \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc ve sonuncusu (Zerd\u00fc\u015ft ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7ta 3 b\u00f6l\u00fcm olarak yay\u0131mlanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. D\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc b\u00f6l\u00fcm sonradan eklenmedir.), hi\u00e7biri daha uzun s\u00fcrmedi. Ertesi k\u0131\u015f, ya\u015fam\u0131mda ilk kez par\u0131ldayan sessiz, mutlu Nice g\u00f6\u011f\u00fc alt\u0131nda \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc buldum, -Ve i\u015fim bitti. Hepsi bir y\u0131l bile s\u00fcrmedi. Nice \u00e7evresinde y\u00fckseklerde bir s\u00fcr\u00fc sakl\u0131 k\u00f6\u015fe, ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m unutulmaz anlarla kutsalla\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r benim g\u00f6z\u00fcmde. “Eski ve Yeni Levhalar \u00fcst\u00fcne” ad\u0131n\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131yan can al\u0131c\u0131 b\u00f6l\u00fcm, istasyondan kayalar i\u00e7ine kurulmu\u015f e\u015fsiz Arap k\u00f6y\u00fc Eza’ya \u00e7\u0131karken yaz\u0131ld\u0131, -yarat\u0131c\u0131 g\u00fc\u00e7 ne denli bol akarsa, kas \u00e7evikli\u011fi de o denli art\u0131yor bende. Beden co\u015fmu\u015ftur: “Ruh”u kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmayal\u0131m i\u015fin i\u00e7ine… \u00c7ok zaman beni dans ederken g\u00f6rebilirdiniz; yorgunluk nedir bilmeden o da\u011f senin, bu da\u011f benim, yedi sekiz saat dola\u015fabiliyordum. \u0130yi uyuyor, bol bol g\u00fcl\u00fcyordum, -bundan daha din\u00e7, daha sab\u0131rl\u0131 olamazd\u0131m.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nBu onar g\u00fcnl\u00fck \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131 bir yana b\u0131rak\u0131rsak, Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fc yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m y\u0131llar, \u00f6zellikle ondan sonras\u0131 benzersiz bunal\u0131m y\u0131llar\u0131 oldu. Pahal\u0131ya malolur \u00f6l\u00fcms\u00fczl\u00fck: Kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 olarak bir\u00e7ok kez \u00f6l\u00fcr daha ya\u015farken insan. -B\u00fcy\u00fck i\u015fin \u00f6\u00e7 almas\u0131 dedi\u011fim bir \u015fey vard\u0131r: Her b\u00fcy\u00fck i\u015f, yap\u0131t olsun, edim olsun, bir kez tamamland\u0131 m\u0131, o an yap\u0131c\u0131s\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131 oluverir. O zaten bu i\u015fi yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in g\u00fc\u00e7ten d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr-, art\u0131k yap\u0131t\u0131na katlanamaz olur, onun y\u00fcz\u00fcne bakamaz. Ge\u00e7mi\u015finde b\u00f6yle kimsenin istemeyi bile d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnemeyece\u011fi bir \u015fey, insanl\u0131k yazg\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmledi\u011fi bir \u015fey bulmak ve bunun y\u00fck\u00fcn\u00fc ta\u015f\u0131mak \u015fimdi!… Ezer insan\u0131 bu… B\u00fcy\u00fck i\u015fin \u00f6\u00e7 almas\u0131! -\u0130nsan\u0131n \u00e7evresinde duydu\u011fu o \u00fcrk\u00fcn\u00e7 sessizli\u011fe gelince, o da ayr\u0131 \u015feydir. Yedi katt\u0131r yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n derisi; bir \u015fey i\u015flemez i\u00e7ine. \u0130nsanlara yakla\u015f\u0131rs\u0131n, dostlar\u0131n\u0131 selamlars\u0131n: Gene bir \u0131ss\u0131zl\u0131k, gene bir tek bak\u0131\u015f yok kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k veren. Olsa olsa bir ba\u015fkald\u0131rma. Her birinde ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc olmak \u00fczere, bana yak\u0131n herkeste g\u00f6rd\u00fcm bu ba\u015fkald\u0131rmay\u0131; san\u0131r\u0131m, kar\u015f\u0131dakini en \u00e7ok yaralayan \u015fey, aram\u0131zda bir ayr\u0131m oldu\u011funu birdenbire sezdirmektir, -sayg\u0131 duymadan ya\u015fayamayan soylu yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015flara pek az rastlan\u0131r. -Bir \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fcs\u00fc de, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck sokmalara kar\u015f\u0131 a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 duyarl\u0131\u011f\u0131d\u0131r derinin, t\u00fcm k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u015feylere kar\u015f\u0131 bir \u00e7e\u015fit \u00e7aresizliktir. Bunun nedeni de, bence her yarat\u0131c\u0131 edimin, var\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 yo\u011fumuzu, b\u00fct\u00fcn benli\u011fimizi koydu\u011fumuz her edimin savunma g\u00fc\u00e7lerinde gerektirdi\u011fi o korkun\u00e7 t\u00fcketimdir. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck savunma yetenekleri ortadan kalkm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r sanki: G\u00fc\u00e7 b\u00fct\u00fcnlemesi yapamazlar art\u0131k. -\u00c7ekinmeden \u015funu da s\u00f6yleyeyim, insan daha k\u00f6t\u00fc sindirim yapar, yerinden k\u0131m\u0131ldamak istemez, so\u011fu\u011fa kar\u015f\u0131 dayan\u0131kl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 azal\u0131r, g\u00fcvensiz olur, -\u00e7o\u011fu zaman nedenler \u00fczerinde bir yan\u0131lmad\u0131r g\u00fcvensizlik, -Bir sefer, bu halimle, bir inek s\u00fcr\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fcn yakla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, s\u00fcr\u00fcy\u00fc daha g\u00f6rmeden, i\u00e7imde yumu\u015fak, insanca d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerin do\u011fmas\u0131ndan anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m: Kan\u0131 s\u0131cakt\u0131r onlar\u0131n…<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nBu yap\u0131t\u0131n yeri apayr\u0131d\u0131r. Ozanlar\u0131 bir yana b\u0131rakal\u0131m: Belki de hi\u00e7bir \u015fey b\u00f6ylesine bir g\u00fc\u00e7 bollu\u011fu i\u00e7inde yarat\u0131lmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r daha. “Dionysosca” kavram\u0131m en y\u00fcksek uygulan\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 buldu burada; onunla \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcl\u00fcnce, insano\u011flunun yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00f6b\u00fcr i\u015flerin hepsi zavall\u0131ca, ola\u011fan \u015feyler olarak g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr. Bir Goethe, bir Shakespeare bu korkun\u00e7 tutku i\u00e7inde, bu y\u00fcksekliklerde bir an bile soluk alamazlard\u0131; Dante Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn yan\u0131nda yaln\u0131zca bir inanand\u0131r, do\u011fruyu kendi yaratan, d\u00fcnyay\u0131 y\u00f6neten bir kafa, bir yazg\u0131 de\u011fildir. Veda’lar\u0131n ozanlar\u0131 rahiptirler, Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn eline su bile d\u00f6kemezler; do\u011frulu\u011funa do\u011frudur ya, daha bir \u015fey de\u011fildir bunlar, hi\u00e7biri bu yap\u0131t\u0131n apayr\u0131 yerini, i\u00e7inde ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6k mavisi yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 belirtemezler. Ta bengili\u011fe dek \u015funu s\u00f6ylemeye hakk\u0131 vard\u0131r Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn: “\u00c7emberler \u00e7iziyorum \u00e7evreme, kutsal s\u0131n\u0131rlar; gitgide azal\u0131yor benimle \u00e7\u0131kanlar daha y\u00fcksek da\u011flara, -s\u0131rada\u011flar kuruyorum gitgide daha kutsal da\u011flardan.” T\u00fcm b\u00fcy\u00fck ki\u015filerin d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fc, iyili\u011fini bir araya getirseniz gene de Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn bir tek konu\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131karamazs\u0131n\u0131z. Bir sonsuz merdivendir O’nun \u00fczerinde inip \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131; herkesten daha \u00f6tesini g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f, daha \u00f6tesini istemi\u015f, daha \u00f6tesini ba\u015farm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Gelmi\u015f ge\u00e7mi\u015f bu en olumlu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncenin her s\u00f6z\u00fc gene de bir kar\u015f\u0131 durmad\u0131r; t\u00fcm kar\u015f\u0131tl\u0131klar\u0131 i\u00e7inde toplam\u0131\u015f, onlardan yepyeni, tek bir\u015fey yapm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. \u0130nsan yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131n en y\u00fcksek ve en a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 g\u00fc\u00e7leri, en tatl\u0131, en delice, en korkun\u00e7 olan \u015fey o bir tek \u00e7e\u015fmeden \u00f6l\u00fcms\u00fcz bir g\u00fcvenle akar. Y\u00fckseklik nedir, derinlik nedir, hi\u00e7biri bilinmezdi Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’ten \u00f6nce; hele do\u011fru hi\u00e7 bilinmezdi. Do\u011frunun bu vahyinde bir tek yer yok ki, \u00f6nc\u00fcleri bulunsun, en b\u00fcy\u00fcklerden biri \u00f6nceden sezmi\u015f olsun. Ne bilgelik, ne ruhlar\u0131n derinli\u011fine ini\u015f, ne de konu\u015fma sanat\u0131 diye bir \u015fey vard\u0131 Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’ten \u00f6nce: En tan\u0131d\u0131k, en g\u00fcnl\u00fck olan \u015fey burada hi\u00e7 duyulmam\u0131\u015f nesnelerden s\u00f6z ediyor. Tutkusundan tir tir titriyor deyi\u015f; uzdillilik burada musiki olmu\u015f; y\u0131ld\u0131r\u0131mlar savruluyor daha \u00f6nce bilinmeyen geleceklere. Dilin kendi \u00f6z\u00fcne, imgeye bu d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fc yan\u0131nda, \u015fimdiye dek bilinen en b\u00fcy\u00fck, en g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc simgecilik bir \u00e7ocuk oyunca\u011f\u0131 kal\u0131r. -Zerd\u00fc\u015ft nas\u0131l da herkese iniyor, nas\u0131l da biliyor g\u00f6n\u00fcl almay\u0131! \u00dcstelik has\u0131mlar\u0131na, papazlara nas\u0131l ok\u015farcas\u0131na dokunuyor, onlarla birlikte ac\u0131 \u00e7ekiyor!- \u0130nsan burada her an a\u015f\u0131lmaktad\u0131r, “\u00fcstinsan” kavram\u0131 en b\u00fcy\u00fck ger\u00e7ek olmu\u015ftur burada, -\u015fimdiye dek insanda b\u00fcy\u00fck bilinen ne varsa, hepsi de sonsuz u\u00e7urumlar boyu a\u015fa\u011f\u0131da kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Bu mutlu sessizlik, bu t\u00fcy gibi ayaklar, bir an eksik olmayan bu hainlik, bu kab\u0131na s\u0131\u011fmazl\u0131k, Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn ki\u015fili\u011fini yapan ba\u015fka ne varsa, hi\u00e7biri b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn ayr\u0131lmaz par\u00e7as\u0131 olarak d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fclmemi\u015ftir daha \u00f6nce. Zerd\u00fc\u015ft kendini i\u015fte bu y\u00fczden, b\u00f6yle geni\u015f uzaylarda ya\u015fay\u0131p, en \u00e7eli\u015fik \u015feylere b\u00f6ylesine a\u00e7\u0131k oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in, en y\u00fcksek varolu\u015f bi\u00e7imi saymaktad\u0131r; kendisinin bunu nas\u0131l tan\u0131mlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 duyunca, onu ba\u015fka bir \u015feye benzetmekten vazge\u00e7er art\u0131k insan. -en uzun merdiveni olan ruh, en derine inebilen, en geni\u015f, en b\u00fcy\u00fck ruh, kendi i\u00e7inde en \u00e7ok dolan\u0131p gezebilen, yolunu en \u00e7ok \u015fa\u015f\u0131rabilen,
\no en zorunlu olan, seve seve at\u0131lan rastlant\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7ine, o varolan ruh, olu\u015fu isteyen, varl\u0131kl\u0131 ruh, istemeyi ve a\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131 isteyen,- kendi kendinden ka\u00e7an, en geni\u015f \u00e7evrelerde yakalayan kendini, en bilge ruh, kula\u011f\u0131na \u00e7\u0131lg\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131n en tatl\u0131 \u015feyler f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131\u011f\u0131, kendini en \u00e7ok seven, i\u00e7inde t\u00fcm \u015feylerin ileriye ve geriye akt\u0131\u011f\u0131, al\u00e7ald\u0131\u011f\u0131, kabard\u0131\u011f\u0131- Ama bu Dionysos kavram\u0131n\u0131n ta kendisi i\u015fte. -Ba\u015fka bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fc\u015f yolu da oraya g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcr bizi. Zerd\u00fc\u015ft \u00f6rne\u011findeki psikolojik sorun \u015fudur: \u015eimdiye dek evet denen her\u015feye, duyulmam\u0131\u015f \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde, s\u00f6zle ve eylemle hay\u0131r diyen kimse, nas\u0131l gene de yads\u0131yan bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncenin tam tersi oluyor; yazg\u0131lar\u0131n en a\u011f\u0131r\u0131n\u0131, y\u0131k\u0131ml\u0131 bir \u00f6devi ta\u015f\u0131yan d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce, nas\u0131l gene b\u00f6yle hafif, b\u00f6ylesine az yersel oluyor -bir dans\u00e7\u0131d\u0131r Zerd\u00fc\u015ft-; ger\u00e7e\u011fi en kat\u0131 y\u00fcreklilikle, en korkun\u00e7 olarak g\u00f6ren, o “u\u00e7urum gibi derin” d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceyi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnen kimse, nas\u0131l oluyor da varl\u0131\u011fa, onun bengi d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcne kar\u015f\u0131 durmuyor, -tam tersine evrensel olumlay\u0131\u015f\u0131n, “o sonsuz, s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131z evet ve amin deyi\u015f”in ta kendisidir… “Ta u\u00e7urumlar\u0131n dibine dek ta\u015f\u0131yorum bu kutsayan evet-deyi\u015fi”… \u0130\u015fte gene vard\u0131k Dionysos’a.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\n-Kendi kendine kal\u0131nca hangi dili konu\u015fur b\u00f6yle bir tin? Dithyrambos dilini. Bulucusu benim dithyrambos’un. Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcn g\u00fcn do\u011fadan \u00f6nce kendi kendisiyle nas\u0131l konu\u015ftu\u011funu bir dinleyin: Bu z\u00fcmr\u00fctten mutlulu\u011fu, bu tanr\u0131sal sevecenli\u011fi \u015fak\u0131yan dil yoktur benden \u00f6nce. B\u00f6yle bir Dionysos’un en derin yas\u0131 bile gene dithyrambos olur; \u00f6nek olarak Gece T\u00fcrk\u00fcs\u00fc’n\u00fc veriyorum, -\u0131\u015f\u0131k ve g\u00fc\u00e7 bollu\u011fu y\u00fcz\u00fcnden, g\u00fcne\u015f gibi yarat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmak y\u00fcz\u00fcnden sevmeyi\u015fin o \u00f6l\u00fcms\u00fcz yak\u0131nmas\u0131n\u0131.<\/p>\n
\n\u00dcstelik kutsard\u0131m bir de sizleri, \u0131\u015f\u0131l \u0131\u015f\u0131l y\u0131ld\u0131zc\u0131klar, ate\u015fb\u00f6cekleri g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcn! O \u0131\u015f\u0131ktan arma\u011fanlar\u0131n\u0131zla mutlu olurdum.<\/p>\n
\nBilmiyorum almadaki mutluluk nedir; \u00e7o\u011fu zaman bana \u00f6yle geldi ki, \u00e7almak daha da b\u00fcy\u00fck mutluluktur almaktan.<\/p>\n
\nBir a\u00e7l\u0131k b\u00fcy\u00fcyor g\u00fczelli\u011fimden: Ayd\u0131nlatt\u0131klar\u0131ma ac\u0131 vermek istiyorum, soymak istiyorum bir\u015fey ba\u011f\u0131\u015flad\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131- hay\u0131nl\u0131\u011fa b\u00f6ylesine susam\u0131\u015f\u0131m ben.<\/p>\n
\nBa\u011f\u0131\u015flaya ba\u011f\u0131\u015flaya \u00f6ld\u00fc ba\u011f\u0131\u015flaman\u0131n mutlulu\u011fu; kendi bollu\u011fundan bezdi erdemim!<\/p>\n
\nI\u015f\u0131yanlara kar\u015f\u0131 kat\u0131 y\u00fcrekli, g\u00fcne\u015flere kar\u015f\u0131 so\u011fuk- b\u00f6yle d\u00f6ner her g\u00fcne\u015f.
\nBir kas\u0131rga gibi d\u00f6ner g\u00fcne\u015fler y\u00f6r\u00fcngeleri \u00fczerinde.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nB\u00f6yle bir\u015fey ne yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, ne duyulmu\u015f, ne de \u00e7ekilmi\u015ftir: Bir tanr\u0131, bir Dionysos \u00e7ekebilir bu ac\u0131y\u0131. Bu “\u0131\u015f\u0131k i\u00e7inde g\u00fcne\u015f yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131” dithyrambos’una verilecek yan\u0131t Ariadne (Minos’un k\u0131z\u0131. Theseus Minotauros’u \u00f6ld\u00fcrmek \u00fczere labirent’e onun ipli\u011fiyle inmemi\u015f. Sonra birlikte ka\u00e7m\u0131\u015flar; ama Theseus Ariadne’yi Naksos adas\u0131nda yapayaln\u0131z b\u0131rak\u0131p gitmi\u015f. Neyse ki Dionysos gelmi\u015f de, k\u0131z\u0131 kendine e\u015f olarak alm\u0131\u015f…) olurdu… Ama Ariadne kimdir, benden ba\u015fka bilen mi var!… Bu t\u00fcr bilmecelerin \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fc bulamad\u0131 hi\u00e7 kimse; burada bir bilmece oldu\u011funu g\u00f6rd\u00fcklerinden de \u015f\u00fcpheliyim. -Zerd\u00fc\u015ft bir seferinde, \u00f6devini -ki benim de \u00f6devimdir- \u00f6yle bir kesinlikle belirtmi\u015ftir ki, yanl\u0131\u015f anlayamaz art\u0131k hi\u00e7 kimse: Ge\u00e7mi\u015ftekileri de temize \u00e7\u0131karmaya, kurtarmaya dek varan bir olumlay\u0131\u015ft\u0131r bu.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>(gelecekteki bir felsefeye giri\u015f)<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nBundan sonraki y\u0131llar bana d\u00fc\u015fecek \u00f6dev, art\u0131k olabildi\u011fince kesin belirlenmi\u015fti. \u00d6devimin olumlayan b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fc bitirmi\u015ftim; s\u0131ra s\u00f6zle ve eylemle hay\u0131r diyen yar\u0131s\u0131na gelmi\u015fti: \u015eimdiye dek s\u00fcregelen de\u011ferlerin yenilenmesine, b\u00fcy\u00fck sava\u015fa, son karar g\u00fcn\u00fcn\u00fcn eri\u015ftirilmesine. Bu arada a\u011f\u0131rdan \u00e7evreme bak\u0131yor, kendime yak\u0131n bulduklar\u0131m\u0131, g\u00fc\u00e7lerine dayanarak yok etme i\u015finde bana yard\u0131mc\u0131 olabilecekleri ar\u0131yordum. -O g\u00fcn bu g\u00fcn, bir oltad\u0131r yaz\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131n her biri: Kim bilir belki de herkesten ustay\u0131md\u0131r olta atmakta?… Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey vurmad\u0131ysa benim de\u011fil su\u00e7. Bal\u0131k yoktu….<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\n\u00c7a\u011fc\u0131ll\u0131\u011f\u0131n ele\u015ftirilmesidir bu kitab\u0131n (1886) \u00f6z\u00fc, \u00e7a\u011fc\u0131l bilimlerin, \u00e7a\u011fc\u0131l sanatlar\u0131n ele\u015ftirilmesidir; \u00e7a\u011fc\u0131l siyasa bile girer bunun i\u00e7ine, -arada bunlar\u0131n tam kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131, olabildi\u011fince az \u00e7a\u011fc\u0131l bir \u00f6rnek, soylu, olumlay\u0131c\u0131 bir \u00f6rnek de verilmektedir. Bu sonuncu y\u00f6nden, kitap bir gentilhomme’lar (Soylu ki\u015fi.) okuludur ve bu kavram hi\u00e7 bu denli k\u00f6kten, \u00f6zl\u00fc anlamda al\u0131nmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Ona yaln\u0131zca dayanmak i\u00e7in bile, insanda y\u00fcrek olmal\u0131, korku nedir \u00f6\u011frenmemi\u015f olmal\u0131 insan… \u00c7a\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n \u00f6v\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc nesi varsa, hepsi de bu \u00f6rnekle bir \u00e7eli\u015fme olarak, nerdeyse g\u00f6rg\u00fc k\u0131tl\u0131\u011f\u0131 olarak duyulmaktad\u0131r, \u00f6rne\u011fin \u015fu \u00fcnl\u00fc “nesnellik”, \u015fu “herkesin ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 payla\u015fmak”, \u015fu yabanc\u0131 be\u011feniye kul k\u00f6le olan, petits faits (K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck olgular.) \u00f6n\u00fcnde yerlere kapanan “tarihsel anlay\u0131\u015f”, \u015fu “bilimsellik”, -Bu kitab\u0131n Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fc hemen izledi\u011fi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcl\u00fcrse, nas\u0131l bir perhiz d\u00fczeninden do\u011fdu\u011fu belki anla\u015f\u0131l\u0131r. Korkun\u00e7 bir zorlamayla uza\u011fa bakmaya al\u0131\u015f\u0131p \u015f\u0131marm\u0131\u015f g\u00f6z -\u00c7ardan da uzak g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fl\u00fcd\u00fcr Zerd\u00fc\u015ft- burada en yak\u0131nlar\u0131, \u00e7a\u011f\u0131, \u00e7evremizdekini g\u00f6rmeye zorlanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Kitab\u0131n t\u00fcm par\u00e7alar\u0131nda, \u00f6zellikle bi\u00e7iminde, Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fc olanakl\u0131 k\u0131lan i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fclerden isteyerek bir uzla\u015fma g\u00f6ze \u00e7arpar. Bi\u00e7imde, niyette, susma sanat\u0131nda bir inceli\u015f \u00f6n plana ge\u00e7mi\u015ftir; psikolojibile bile sertlikle, kat\u0131 y\u00fcreklilikle kullan\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r, -bir tek g\u00f6n\u00fcl al\u0131c\u0131 s\u00f6z yoktur koca kitapta.. Hepsi dinlemedir bunlar\u0131n: \u0130nsan \u00f6yle Zerd\u00fc\u015ft gibi avu\u00e7 dolusu iyilik sa\u00e7t\u0131ktan sonra, kim bilir nas\u0131l bir dinlenme zorunludur ona… Tanr\u0131bilimci a\u011fz\u0131yla konu\u015fursak -iyi dinleyin, her zaman tanr\u0131bilimci gibi konu\u015fmam, -g\u00fcnl\u00fck i\u015fini bitirince y\u0131lan k\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131nda Bilgi A\u011fac\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131nda yatan, tanr\u0131n\u0131n kendisiydi. Tanr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n yorgunlu\u011funu b\u00f6yle \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131… Pek g\u00fczel yapm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 her\u015feyi. Tanr\u0131n\u0131n yedi g\u00fcnde bir aylakl\u0131\u011f\u0131d\u0131r \u015feytan, ba\u015fkas\u0131 de\u011fil…<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>(bir tart\u0131\u015fma yaz\u0131s\u0131)<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nBu soyk\u00fct\u00fc\u011f\u00fc \u00fc\u00e7 incelemeden kurulmu\u015ftur; hepsi de \u015fa\u015f\u0131rtma sanat\u0131, amac\u0131 ve anlat\u0131m\u0131 bak\u0131m\u0131ndan \u015fimdiye dek yaz\u0131lanlard\u0131n en \u00fcrk\u00fcnc\u00fcd\u00fcr. Bilindi\u011fi gibi, Dionysos karanl\u0131klar tanr\u0131s\u0131d\u0131r hem de. Her birinde yan\u0131ltmay\u0131 ama\u00e7layan, so\u011fuk, bilimsel, giderek alayc\u0131, bile bile g\u00f6steri\u015f\u00e7i, bile bile oyalayan bir ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7. Gitgide tedirginlik artar; tek t\u00fck \u015fim\u015fekler; hi\u00e7 ho\u015fa gitmeyecek do\u011frular duyulur uzaklardan bo\u011fuk g\u00fcrlemelerle, -sonunda bir tempo feroce’ye (Yaban\u0131l tempo.) var\u0131l\u0131r, korkun\u00e7 bir gerilimle ileri at\u0131l\u0131r her \u015fey. Her birinin bitiminde, hepten \u00fcrk\u00fcn\u00e7 patlamalarla yeni bir do\u011fru belirir kal\u0131n bulutlar aras\u0131ndan. -\u0130lk incelemedeki do\u011fru H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n psikolojisidir: H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131k h\u0131n\u00e7 duygusundan, o ruhtan do\u011fmu\u015ftur, san\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi “Kutsal Ruh”dan de\u011fil, -bir kar\u015f\u0131 devinimdir asl\u0131nda, soylu de\u011ferlerin egemenli\u011fine kar\u015f\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fck bir ayaklanmad\u0131r. \u0130kinci incelemede bulun\u00e7’un psikolojisi var: San\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi “insan\u0131n i\u00e7indeki tanr\u0131 sesi” de\u011fil, -d\u0131\u015fa do\u011fru bo\u015falamay\u0131nca gerilere y\u00f6nelen kan d\u00f6kme i\u00e7 g\u00fcd\u00fcs\u00fc. Kan d\u00f6k\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fck ilk kez burada, ekinin en eski, en zorunlu temellerinden biri olarak ayd\u0131nl\u0131\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131l\u0131yor. \u015eu sorunun yan\u0131t\u0131n\u0131 veriyor \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc inceleme: \u00c7ilecilik, rahiplik \u00fclk\u00fcs\u00fc, asl\u0131nda zararl\u0131 m\u0131 zararl\u0131 bir \u00fclk\u00fc, bir biti\u015f istemi, bir d\u00e9cadence \u00fclk\u00fcs\u00fc iken, nas\u0131l olup da b\u00f6ylesine s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131z bir g\u00fc\u00e7 kazanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r? Yan\u0131t: San\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi, tanr\u0131 papazlar\u0131n arkas\u0131nda oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in de\u011fil, yaln\u0131zca faute de mieux (Daha iyisi olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in, yokluktan.), -\u015fimdiye dek biricik \u00fclk\u00fc o oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in, yar\u0131\u015fan\u0131 olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in. “\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc hi\u00e7bir \u015fey istememektense, hi\u00e7li\u011fi istemeyi ye\u011f tutar insan”… Her \u015feyden \u00f6nce, Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’e gelinceye dek bir kar\u015f\u0131 \u00fclk\u00fc eksikti.- Beni anlad\u0131n\u0131z. Bir psikologun t\u00fcm de\u011ferleri yenileme i\u015fi i\u00e7in ba\u015fl\u0131ca \u00fc\u00e7 haz\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131. -Rahibin psikolojisi ilk olarak bu kitapta bulunur.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>(nas\u0131l felsefe yap\u0131l\u0131r \u00e7eki\u00e7le)<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nY\u00fcz elli sayfa bile tutmaz bu yaz\u0131; sesi \u015fen ve u\u011fursuz t\u0131nlar, g\u00fclen bir cindir, -\u00f6yle k\u0131sa zamanda yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r ki, ka\u00e7 g\u00fcnde oldu\u011funu s\u00f6ylemeye utan\u0131r\u0131m. \u00d6b\u00fcr kitaplardan apayr\u0131d\u0131r o: Daha \u00f6zl\u00fcs\u00fc, daha ba\u011f\u0131ms\u0131z\u0131, daha y\u0131k\u0131c\u0131s\u0131, daha… hay\u0131n\u0131 yaz\u0131lmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r hi\u00e7. G\u00f6zlerimin \u00f6n\u00fcnde her \u015feyin nas\u0131l ba\u015fa\u015fa\u011f\u0131 durdu\u011funu \u015f\u00f6yle kabataslak anlayabilmek i\u00e7in, bu kitab\u0131 okumaya giri\u015fmelidir. Ba\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndaki put s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fc, \u015fimdiye dek “do\u011fru” dedikleri \u015feydir d\u00fcped\u00fcz. Putlar\u0131n Bat\u0131\u015f\u0131, a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7as\u0131: Eski do\u011frular\u0131n sonu geldi.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nBir tek ger\u00e7ek, bir tek \u00fclk\u00fc yoktur ki, bu yaz\u0131da de\u011finilmi\u015f olmas\u0131n (-de\u011finmek: Amma da sayg\u0131l\u0131, edepli bir s\u00f6z!…) \u00d6l\u00fcms\u00fcz putlar de\u011fil burada yaln\u0131z, en gen\u00e7leri, dolay\u0131s\u0131yla yanl\u0131\u015fl\u0131ktan en \u00e7ok beli b\u00fck\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f olanlar\u0131 da. \u00d6rne\u011fin “\u00e7a\u011fc\u0131l d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler”. A\u011fa\u00e7lar aras\u0131nda b\u00fcy\u00fck bir yeldir esen; yemi\u015fler-do\u011frular-d\u00f6k\u00fclmektedir her yanda. Pek bereketli bir g\u00fcz\u00fcn har vurup harman savurmas\u0131d\u0131r bu: Do\u011frulara \u00e7arp\u0131p sendeler insan; \u00fcst\u00fcne bas\u0131p ezer kimini de, -\u00f6ylesine sebildirler… \u0130nsan\u0131n eline ald\u0131klar\u0131na gelince, art\u0131k aralar\u0131nda \u015f\u00fcpheli bir \u015fey yoktur, kesinlemedir hepsi. <\/span> “Do\u011fru”nun mihenk ta\u015f\u0131n\u0131 ilk ben tutuyorum elimde, ben karar verebilirim ancak. Sanki i\u00e7imde ikinci bir bilin\u00e7 b\u00fcy\u00fcy\u00fcp geli\u015fmi\u015f; sanki “istem”, \u015fimdiye dek \u00fczerinde a\u015fa\u011f\u0131ya yuvarland\u0131\u011f\u0131 bay\u0131r\u0131 ayd\u0131nlatmak istercesine bir \u0131\u015f\u0131k yakm\u0131\u015f i\u00e7imde… Bay\u0131r, -do\u011fruya giden yol koymu\u015flard\u0131 bunun ad\u0131n\u0131… O “karanl\u0131k \u00e7aba” (Ein guter Mensch in seinem dunklem Drange -ist sich des reschten Weges wohl bewusst [\u0130yi insan o karanl\u0131k \u00e7aba i\u00e7inde -Bilir do\u011fru yolun ne oldu\u011funu]. -Goethe, 1. Faust, G\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcnde \u00f6noyun.) denen \u015feye art\u0131k paydos; do\u011fru yolun en az fark\u0131nda olan, o iyi insan\u0131n kendisiydi… \u015eaka bir yana, do\u011fru yolu, yoku\u015f yukar\u0131 giden yolu benden \u00f6nce kimse bilmiyordu: Etkin \u00fcst\u00fcne umutlar, \u00f6devler, oraya g\u00f6t\u00fcrecek yollar ancak benimle ba\u015flad\u0131 yeni ba\u015ftan -ben onlar\u0131n mu\u015ftucusuyum… Bir yazg\u0131y\u0131m i\u015fte bu y\u00fczden de.-<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nS\u00f6z konusu yap\u0131t\u0131 bitirir bitirmez, bir g\u00fcn bile ge\u00e7irmeden hemen o dev \u00f6devime, de\u011ferleri yenileme i\u015fine giri\u015ftim; hi\u00e7bir \u015feye benzemeyen y\u00fcce bir gurur i\u00e7indeyim, her an \u00f6l\u00fcms\u00fczl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc kesin olarak biliyor ve tun\u00e7 levhalara bir yazg\u0131 \u015fa\u015fmazl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla birbiri ard\u0131nca imleri kaz\u0131yordum. 3 Eyl\u00fcl 1888’de \u00f6ns\u00f6z yaz\u0131ld\u0131: Sabahleyin, onu yazd\u0131ktan sonra a\u00e7\u0131k havaya \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, ober-Engadin’in bana g\u00f6sterdi\u011fi en g\u00fczel g\u00fcn vard\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131mda, -dupduru, alev alev renkler i\u00e7inde, t\u00fcm kar\u015f\u0131tl\u0131klar\u0131, g\u00fcneyle buz aras\u0131ndaki t\u00fcm ge\u00e7i\u015fleri bir araya getiren bir g\u00fcn. -Ancak 20 eyl\u00fclde ayr\u0131labildim Sils-Maria’dan; seller al\u0131koymu\u015ftu beni, sonunda tek konu\u011fu ben kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m o e\u015fsiz yerin, -minnetimin kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 olarak \u00f6l\u00fcms\u00fcz bir ad ba\u011f\u0131\u015flayaca\u011f\u0131m oraya. Olaylarla dolu bir yolculuktan sonra, \u00fcstelik gece ge\u00e7 vakit vard\u0131\u011f\u0131m seller basm\u0131\u015f Como’da bir de \u00f6l\u00fcm tehlikesi atlatarak, 21. g\u00fcn\u00fc \u00f6\u011fleden sonra benim denenmi\u015f yerime, bundan b\u00f6yle kalaca\u011f\u0131m Torino’ya indim. \u0130lkbaharda oturdu\u011fum ayn\u0131 evi, Via Carlo Alberto 6, III’de, Vittorio Emanuele’nin (-1820\/1878- \u0130talya kral\u0131, \u0130talyan birli\u011finin kurucusu.) do\u011fdu\u011fu o koca palazzo Carignano’nun kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda, piazza Carlo Alberto’ya ve daha uzaklarda tepeliklere bakan evi tuttum gene. Bir an bile duraklay\u0131p oyalanmadan, hemen \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmaya oturdu: Yap\u0131t\u0131n d\u00f6rtte biri kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 daha tamamlanacak. 30 eyl\u00fcl g\u00fcn\u00fc b\u00fcy\u00fck yengi; yedinci g\u00fcn; bir tanr\u0131n\u0131n gezini\u015fi Po k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131nda. Ayn\u0131 g\u00fcn “Putlar\u0131n Bat\u0131\u015f\u0131”na \u00f6ns\u00f6z\u00fc de yazd\u0131m; bu kitab\u0131n provalar\u0131n\u0131n d\u00fczeltmek benim i\u00e7in dinlenme oldu eyl\u00fcl ay\u0131nda. -Ben b\u00f6yle bir g\u00fcz ya\u015famad\u0131m hi\u00e7, yery\u00fcz\u00fcnde b\u00f6yle bir\u015fey olabilece\u011fini sanmazd\u0131m; sonsuza dek uzanan bir Claude Lorraine (-1600\/1682- Frans\u0131z manzara ressam\u0131.), her g\u00fcn\u00fc ayn\u0131 \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcs\u00fcz yetkinlikte.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b><\/span>(bir \u00e7alg\u0131c\u0131 sorunu<\/span>)<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nBu yaz\u0131n\u0131n hakk\u0131n\u0131 verebilmek i\u00e7in, insan musikinin yazg\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 kanayan bir yara gibi i\u00e7inde duyup, o ac\u0131y\u0131 \u00e7ekmelidir. Neden ac\u0131 \u00e7ekiyorum musikinin yazg\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 duydu\u011fumda? Musikinin d\u00fcnyay\u0131 ar\u0131t\u0131c\u0131, olumlay\u0131c\u0131 yan\u0131n\u0131 yitirmi\u015f olmas\u0131ndan, art\u0131k Dionysos’un fl\u00fct\u00fc de\u011fil, bir d\u00e9cadence musikisi olmas\u0131ndan… Ama insan musikinin davas\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6z davas\u0131 gibi, kendi \u00e7ekti\u011fi ac\u0131rlarm\u0131\u015f gibi duyunca da, biraz \u00e7ok\u00e7a hat\u0131r g\u00f6n\u00fcl g\u00f6zeten, a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 derecede yumu\u015fak bir yaz\u0131 bulur bunu. B\u00f6yle durumlarda keyfini bozmak, kendi kendisiyle de k\u0131zmadan alay etmek -ridendo dicere severum; verum dicere (Ridendo dicere severum: Ac\u0131 do\u011fruyu g\u00fclerek s\u00f6ylemek; verum dicere: do\u011fruyu s\u00f6ylemek.) her t\u00fcrl\u00fc sertli\u011fi hakl\u0131 g\u00f6sterse bile- insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n ta kendisidir. \u0130stesem, eski bir top\u00e7u olarak, Wagner’e kar\u015f\u0131 a\u011f\u0131r bataryalar\u0131m\u0131 da s\u00fcrebilirdim; bundan \u015f\u00fcpheniz olmas\u0131n. -Bu i\u015fte kesin sonucu alacak her\u015feyi kendime saklad\u0131m,- Wagner’i severdim. Hem benim \u00f6devimin anlam\u0131na, tuttu\u011fum yola uygun d\u00fc\u015feni, daha se\u00e7kin, “bilinmeyen” birine sald\u0131rmakt\u0131r- musikinin o Cagliostro’suna (-1743\/1795- \u0130talyan soylusu, \u00fcnl\u00fc ser\u00fcvenci, doland\u0131r\u0131c\u0131.) var\u0131ncaya dek, maskesini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrece\u011fim daha nice “bilinmeyen”ler var-, daha da \u00f6nemlisi, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce i\u015flerinde gitgide uyukla\u015fan, i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcde yoksulla\u015fan, gitgide d\u00fcr\u00fcstle\u015fen Alman ulusuna sald\u0131rmakt\u0131r: Kar\u015f\u0131tlarla besleniyorlar art\u0131k, ne bulurlarsa yiyorlar, ister “inan\u00e7” olsun, ister “bilimsel d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce”, ister “H\u0131ristiyanca sevgi olsun, ister Yahudi d\u00fc\u015fmanl\u0131\u011f\u0131, ister g\u00fc\u00e7 istemi (devlet olma istemi), ister \u00e9vangile des humbles (K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck insanlar\u0131n \u0130ncil’i.), hepsini yutuyorlar mide fesad\u0131na u\u011framaks\u0131z\u0131n, hem de \u00f6yle bir i\u015ftahla ki, insan\u0131n k\u0131skanas\u0131 geliyor… Kar\u015f\u0131tlar aras\u0131nda bu ne yan tutmazl\u0131k, bu ne midesizlik, “\u00e7\u0131kar g\u00f6zetmezlik”! Alman dama\u011f\u0131n\u0131n bu haktan\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131, her\u015feye e\u015fit haklar tan\u0131mas\u0131, her\u015feyden bir tad almas\u0131!.. Hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcphe yok, \u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcd\u00fcr Almanlar… Almanya’ya son gidi\u015fimde, Alman be\u011fenisini Wagner’le Saeckingen borazanc\u0131s\u0131na (-Do\u011frusu: Soekkingen borazanc\u0131s\u0131- Scheffel’in Almanya’da pek tan\u0131nm\u0131\u015f bir \u015fiiri.) e\u015fit haklar tan\u0131maya u\u011fra\u015f\u0131r buldum; Leipzig’de en ger\u00e7ek, en Alman-s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn eski anlam\u0131nda Alman, yoksa o yaln\u0131zca yurtta\u015flardan de\u011fil- musikicilerden birinin, usta Heinrich Sch\u00fctz’\u00fcn onuruna bir Liszt derne\u011fi kurduklar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6zlerimle g\u00f6rd\u00fcm; o sinsi (Liszt ve List -hile, d\u00fczen- \u00fczerine bir s\u00f6zc\u00fck oyunu.) kilise musikisini geli\u015ftirip yaymakt\u0131 ama\u00e7… Hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcphe yok, \u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcd\u00fcr Almanlar…<\/p>\n
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\nAma burada kabala\u015fmaktan ve Almanlar\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fcne kar\u015f\u0131 bir ka\u00e7 ac\u0131 ger\u00e7e\u011fi s\u00f6ylemekten kimse al\u0131koyamaz beni: Ben de s\u00f6ylemesem kim s\u00f6yleyecek! -Onlar\u0131n tarih konular\u0131ndaki s\u0131k\u0131lmazl\u0131klar\u0131ndan s\u00f6z a\u00e7aca\u011f\u0131m. Alman tarih\u00e7ilerinde ekinin gidi\u015fini, de\u011ferlerini g\u00f6rmek i\u00e7in gerekli o b\u00fcy\u00fck bak\u0131\u015f’\u0131n hepten yitip gitmesi, topunun birden siyasa (ya da kilise) soytar\u0131lar\u0131 olmas\u0131 de\u011fil yaln\u0131z: O b\u00fcy\u00fck bak\u0131\u015f\u0131 aforoz edenler de kendileridir. \u0130nsan\u0131n yaln\u0131zca “Alman” olmas\u0131, o “\u0131rk”tan olmas\u0131 yeter, tarih konusunda de\u011fer diye, de\u011fersizlik diye ne varsa hepsi \u00fcst\u00fcne son s\u00f6z\u00fc s\u00f6yleyebilir, kesinlikle belirtir onlar\u0131… “Alman” olmak bir kan\u0131tt\u0131r, “Almanya, Almanya, her\u015feyin \u00fcst\u00fcnde” bir ilkedir, tarihteki “t\u00f6rel d\u00fcnya d\u00fczeni”dir Cermenler: Roma imparatorlu\u011fu kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc ayakta tutanlar, on sekizinci y\u00fczy\u0131l kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda t\u00f6re’yi, “kesin buyru\u011fu” yeniden diriltenler… Alman devletine \u00f6zg\u00fc bir tarih yaz\u0131c\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 vard\u0131r; korkar\u0131m, Yahudi d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131na \u00f6zg\u00fc olan\u0131 vard\u0131r bir de, -ayr\u0131ca saray tarih yaz\u0131c\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 vard\u0131r ve Bay von Treitsschke’nin y\u00fcz\u00fc k\u0131zarmaz hi\u00e7… Ge\u00e7enlerde ahmak\u00e7a bir yarg\u0131, neyse ki bu arada rahmetlik olan Suab estetik\u00e7isi Vischer’in (-1807\/1887- Alman ozan\u0131, estetik\u00e7isi.) bir c\u00fcmlesi t\u00fcm Alman gazetelerinde bir boy g\u00f6z\u00fckt\u00fc, her Alman’\u0131n evet demesi gereken bir “do\u011fru”ydu bu: “Uyan\u0131\u015f \u00e7a\u011f\u0131 ile Yenileme (Reformation) \u00e7a\u011f\u0131, ancak ikisi bir arada bir b\u00fct\u00fcn yaparlar, -estetik yeniden do\u011fu\u015f ve t\u00f6rel yeniden do\u011fu\u015f.” B\u00f6yle c\u00fcmleleri duyunca sabr\u0131m ta\u015f\u0131yor; Almanlar\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fcne t\u00fcm kabahatlerini birer birer vurmak geliyor i\u00e7imden, bir g\u00f6rev duyuyorum bunu giderek. D\u00f6rt y\u00fcz y\u0131ld\u0131r ekine kar\u015f\u0131 i\u015flenen t\u00fcm b\u00fcy\u00fck c\u00fcr\u00fcmlerin sorumlusu onlard\u0131r!… Nedeni de hi\u00e7 de\u011fi\u015fmez, o iliklerine dek i\u015flemi\u015f ger\u00e7ek korkusu -ki do\u011frudan korkudur ayn\u0131 zamanda-, o i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fc edindikleri ikiy\u00fczl\u00fcl\u00fck, “\u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fck”… B\u00fcy\u00fck \u00e7a\u011flar\u0131n sonuncusu, Uyan\u0131\u015f \u00e7a\u011f\u0131 Almanlar y\u00fcz\u00fcnden anlam\u0131n\u0131 yitirdi, o hasad\u0131 yapamad\u0131 Avrupa, hem de tam daha y\u00fcksek bir de\u011ferler d\u00fczeni, soylu, ya\u015fam\u0131 olumlayan, gelece\u011fin g\u00fcvencesi olan de\u011ferler, kar\u015f\u0131 de\u011ferlerin yuvaland\u0131klar\u0131 yerde, oralarda oturanlar\u0131n i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fclerine i\u015fleyinceye dek \u00fcst\u00fcn gelmi\u015fken! Luther, o tanr\u0131n\u0131n belas\u0131 ke\u015fi\u015f, kiliseyi ve -bin kez beteri- H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131\u011f\u0131, tam yenildikleri anda aya\u011fa kald\u0131rd\u0131… H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131\u011f\u0131, ya\u015fama isteminin din k\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131na girmi\u015f yads\u0131nmas\u0131n\u0131!… Luther, bu ak\u0131l almaz ke\u015fi\u015f, “ak\u0131l almazl\u0131\u011f\u0131” y\u00fcz\u00fcnden kiliseye sald\u0131rd\u0131 ve -dolay\u0131s\u0131yla- onu aya\u011fa kald\u0131rd\u0131 yeniden… Katolikler Luther ad\u0131na \u015fenlikler kutlasalar, oyunlar d\u00fczseler yeridir… Luther ve “t\u00f6rel yeniden do\u011fu\u015f”! T\u00fcm psikolojinin can\u0131 cehenneme! Hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcphe yok, \u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fcd\u00fcr Almanlar.- \u0130nsanl\u0131k iki sefer korkun\u00e7 bir y\u00fcreklilikle kendini a\u015farak \u00f6z\u00fc s\u00f6z\u00fc bir, anlam\u0131 belli, y\u00fczde y\u00fcz bilimsel bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce d\u00fczenine vard\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, Almanlar eski “\u00fclk\u00fc”ye giden dolamba\u00e7l\u0131 yollar, do\u011fruyla “\u00fclk\u00fc” aras\u0131nda bir uzla\u015fma bulmay\u0131 ba\u015fard\u0131lar; bilimi yads\u0131malar\u0131n\u0131, yalanlar\u0131n\u0131 bir kitab\u0131na uydurdular asl\u0131nda. Leibniz ve Kant, -d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce d\u00fcr\u00fcstl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc alan\u0131nda Avrupa’ya en b\u00fcy\u00fck iki k\u00f6stek! En sonunda, iki d\u00e9cadence y\u00fczy\u0131l\u0131 aras\u0131ndaki k\u00f6pr\u00fc \u00fczerinde, yery\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc y\u00f6netmek amac\u0131yla Avrupa’y\u0131 birle\u015ftirebilecek g\u00fc\u00e7te, deha ve istem dolu bir force majeure (\u00dcst\u00fcn g\u00fc\u00e7.) belirdi\u011finde, Almanlar “\u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck sava\u015flar\u0131”yla Napoleon’un varolu\u015fundaki mucizelik anlamdan yoksun b\u0131rakt\u0131lar Avrupa’y\u0131; ne olmu\u015fsa, bug\u00fcn ne varsa onlar\u0131n su\u00e7udur hep; hastal\u0131klar\u0131n, sa\u00e7mal\u0131klar\u0131n ekine en zararl\u0131 olan\u0131, ulusalc\u0131l\u0131k, Avrupa’y\u0131 hasta eden bu n\u00e9vrose nationale (Ulusal sinirce -nevroz-.), Avrupa’da art\u0131k s\u00fcr\u00fcp gidecek bu k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck devletler, bu k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck siyasa: Anlam\u0131ndan, sa\u011fduyusundan yoksun b\u0131rakt\u0131lar Avrupa’y\u0131- onu bir \u00e7\u0131kmaza soktular. -Buradan \u00e7\u0131kacak bir yol bilen var m\u0131 benden ba\u015fka?… Uluslar\u0131 yeniden birbirine ba\u011flayacak b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fckte bir \u00f6dev?.<\/p>\n
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\nHepsi bir yana, ku\u015fkumu neden a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa vurmayay\u0131m? Almanlar benim durumumda da, bu dev yazg\u0131dan bir fare do\u011furtmak i\u00e7in ellerinden geleni ardlar\u0131na koymayacaklar. Adlar\u0131n\u0131 k\u00f6t\u00fcye \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131lar benim y\u00fcz\u00fcmden \u015fimdiye dek; ilerde de adam olacaklar\u0131ndan \u015f\u00fcpheliyim. -Ah, burada k\u00f6t\u00fc bir falc\u0131 olmay\u0131 nas\u0131l isterdim!… Benim do\u011fal okuyucular\u0131m, dinleyicilerim daha \u015fimdiden Ruslar, \u0130skandinavlar ve Frans\u0131zlard\u0131r, -gitgide artacak m\u0131 onlar\u0131n say\u0131s\u0131? -Almanlar bilgi tarihine ba\u015ftanba\u015fa \u015f\u00fcpheli adlarla ge\u00e7mi\u015flerdir; “bilmeyerek olmu\u015f” kalpazanlar \u00e7\u0131karm\u0131\u015flard\u0131r yaln\u0131z (bu deyim Kant’la Leibniz’e oldu\u011fu gibi, Fichte’ye, Schelling’e, Schopenhauer’e, Hegel’e, Schleiermacher’e [-1768\/1834- Alman tanr\u0131bilimcisi ve feylosofu. Schleiermacher Almanca’da “t\u00fcl, pe\u00e7e vb… yapan” anlam\u0131na gelmektedir. Nietzsche s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn bu anlam\u0131yla oynuyor.] de uygundur: perdeleyicidir hepsi de, ba\u015fka bir\u015fey de\u011fil): D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce tarihindeki ilk d\u00fcr\u00fcst d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u00fcn do\u011fruyu d\u00f6rt bin y\u0131ll\u0131k kalpazanl\u0131ktan \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc yarg\u0131layan d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u00fcn, kendileriyle yanyana Alman d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesine sokulmas\u0131 \u015ferefini hi\u00e7bir zaman elde etmemeli onlar. “Alman d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi” a\u011f\u0131r havad\u0131r benim i\u00e7in: Psikoloji konusunda art\u0131k i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fc olmu\u015f pisliklerini her s\u00f6zleriyle, her davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131yla a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa vururlar; bunun yak\u0131n\u0131nda zor soluk al\u0131r\u0131m. On yedinci y\u00fczy\u0131lda Frans\u0131zlar\u0131n ge\u00e7ti\u011fi o amans\u0131z \u00f6z s\u0131nav\u0131ndan ge\u00e7memi\u015flerdir hi\u00e7, -bir Larochefoucauld, bir Descartes, en \u00f6nde gelen Almanlardan y\u00fcz kez daha d\u00fcr\u00fcstt\u00fcrler, -Almanlardan bug\u00fcne dek bir tek psikolog \u00e7\u0131kmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Ama psikoloji nerdeyse \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcd\u00fcr bir \u0131rk\u0131n temizli\u011fi ya da pisli\u011fi i\u00e7in… \u0130nsan daha temiz bile de\u011filken, derinli\u011fi nas\u0131l olur? Kad\u0131n gibidir Alman, bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc bulamazs\u0131n dibini, -yoktur da ondan: Hepsi bu. Ama s\u0131\u011f bile olmaya yetmez bunlar\u0131n hepsi. -Almanya’da derin dedikleri \u015fey, demin s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc etti\u011fim o kendi kendine kar\u015f\u0131 i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fc pisli\u011finden ba\u015fka bir\u015fey de\u011fildir: Kendi kendilerini bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc olduklar\u0131 gibi g\u00f6rmek istemezler. Yoksa “Alman” s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc bu psikolojik sap\u0131tmaya uluslararas\u0131 bir kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k olarak \u00f6nersem mi? -\u00d6rne\u011fin bu anda Alman \u0130mparatoru, Afrika’daki k\u00f6leleri kurtarmay\u0131 kendine bir H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131k \u00f6devi” say\u0131yor: Biz, \u00f6b\u00fcr Avrupal\u0131lar buna d\u00fcped\u00fcz “Almanl\u0131k” deriz aram\u0131zda… Derinli\u011fi olan bir tek kitap \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f m\u0131d\u0131r Almanlardan? Bir kitapta derin olan nedir, onlarda bu kavram bile yoktur. Kant’\u0131 derin sayan bilginlere rastlad\u0131m; korkar\u0131m, Prusya saray\u0131nda Bay von Treitschke’yi derin say\u0131yorlar. Alman profes\u00f6rleriyle \u015fu da geldi ba\u015f\u0131ma: Bir yeri gelip de, Stendhal’i derin psikolog olarak \u00f6vd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde, bana hecelettiler ad\u0131n\u0131.<\/p>\n
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\n-Neden sonuna dek gitmeyeyim? Ba\u015ftan her\u015fey a\u00e7\u0131k olsun isterim. G\u00f6z koydu\u011fum \u015feylerden biri de Almanlar\u0131n en \u00fcst\u00fcn hor g\u00f6r\u00fcc\u00fcs\u00fc olmakt\u0131r. Alman ki\u015fili\u011fine kar\u015f\u0131 g\u00fcvensizli\u011fimi daha yirmi alt\u0131 ya\u015f\u0131mda dile getirdim (\u00dc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc \u00e7a\u011fd\u0131\u015f\u0131 yaz\u0131, 6. b\u00f6l\u00fcm), -Almanlar \u00e7ekilmez \u015feylerdir benim i\u00e7in. T\u00fcm i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fclerime ayk\u0131r\u0131 gelen bir t\u00fcr insan d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde, ortaya hep bir Alman \u00e7\u0131kar. Bir insan\u0131n “ci\u011ferini okurken”, en \u00f6nce bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u015fey, onda uzakl\u0131k duygusu olup olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131, insanla insan aras\u0131nda kat, de\u011fer, s\u0131ra ayr\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6zetip g\u00f6zetmedi\u011fi, se\u00e7ip se\u00e7medi\u011fidir: Bununla gentilhomme’dur insano\u011flu, ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc, ne ederse etsin, o geni\u015f y\u00fcrekli, yumu\u015fak ba\u015fl\u0131 ayaktak\u0131m\u0131 i\u00e7indedir yeri. Ama ayaktak\u0131m\u0131d\u0131r Almanlar, ah \u00f6ylesine a\u015fa\u011f\u0131lam\u0131\u015f olur ki\u015fi: Ayn\u0131 d\u00fczeye indirir Alman… Birka\u00e7 sanat\u00e7\u0131yla, en ba\u015fta da Richard Wagner’le al\u0131\u015fveri\u015fimi bir yana b\u0131rak\u0131rsam, tek iyi saat ge\u00e7irmi\u015fimdir Almanlarla… Diyelim ki biny\u0131llar\u0131n en derin d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u00fc Almanlar i\u00e7inden \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131; Kapitol’\u00fcn kurtar\u0131c\u0131lar\u0131 (Kazlar. Galyal\u0131lar\u0131n Kapitol’e yapt\u0131klar\u0131 bir gece sald\u0131r\u0131s\u0131nda, kazlar\u0131n ba\u011f\u0131rmas\u0131 \u00fczerine n\u00f6bet\u00e7iler uyanm\u0131\u015f, sald\u0131r\u0131 da p\u00fcsk\u00fcrt\u00fclm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr.) cinsinden biri, kendi \u00e7irkin ruhunun da en az o denli \u00f6nemi oldu\u011funu san\u0131verdi… Bu \u0131rka dayanam\u0131yorum; ki\u015fi onlar\u0131n i\u00e7inde hep k\u00f6t\u00fc \u00e7evrededir, ayr\u0131mlar\u0131 sezecek parmak yoktur onlarda, -ne yaz\u0131k bir ayr\u0131m\u0131n ben de! -ayaklar\u0131nda incelik yoktur, y\u00fcr\u00fcmesini bile beceremezler… Zaten ayak ne gezer Almanlarda; bacaklar\u0131 vard\u0131r onlar\u0131n yaln\u0131z… Almanlar ne denli baya\u011f\u0131 olduklar\u0131n\u0131 hi\u00e7 mi hi\u00e7 bilmezler, ama bayal\u0131\u011f\u0131n son perdesidir bu, -yaln\u0131zca birer Alman olmalar\u0131ndan bile utanmazlar… Her konu\u015fmaya kar\u0131\u015f\u0131rlar, son s\u00f6z kendilerindedir san\u0131rlar; korkar\u0131m benim \u00fcst\u00fcme bile son s\u00f6z\u00fc s\u00f6ylemi\u015flerdir… Ya\u015fam\u0131m ba\u015ftanba\u015fa bu c\u00fcmlelerin en kesin kan\u0131t\u0131d\u0131r. Orada bana kar\u015f\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceli, ince bir davran\u0131\u015f\u0131n izini aramam bo\u015funad\u0131r. G\u00f6rd\u00fcmse, Yahudilerden g\u00f6rd\u00fcm bunu, ama Almanlardan hi\u00e7bir zaman. B\u00f6yledir benim huyum, herkese kar\u015f\u0131 yumu\u015fak davran\u0131r\u0131m, iyili\u011fini isterim herkesin, -ayr\u0131 gayr\u0131 g\u00f6zetmemeye hakk\u0131m vard\u0131r benim-: Ama g\u00f6zlerimin a\u00e7\u0131k olmas\u0131na da engel de\u011fildir bu. Kimseyi ayr\u0131 tutmam, hele dostlar\u0131m\u0131 hi\u00e7 mi hi\u00e7, -umar\u0131m onlara kar\u015f\u0131 insanca davranmama bir zarar\u0131 dokunamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r bunun! D\u00f6rt be\u015f \u015fey vard\u0131r, kendime hep onur sorunu yapm\u0131\u015f\u0131md\u0131r.- Gene de \u015furas\u0131 do\u011fru ki, y\u0131llardan beri elime ge\u00e7en hemen her mektubu bir sinizm olarak duydum: Benim iyili\u011fimi istemek, bana kar\u015f\u0131 herhangi bir d\u00fc\u015fmanl\u0131ktan \u00e7ok daha sinikcedir… Dostlar\u0131m\u0131n teker teker y\u00fczlerine s\u00f6ylerim, hi\u00e7birisi benim herhangi bir yaz\u0131m\u0131 okuyup inceleme zahmetine katlanmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r: \u0130\u00e7lerinde ne yaz\u0131l\u0131 oldu\u011funu bile bilmediklerini en k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck belirtiden \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131r\u0131m hemen. Hele Zerd\u00fc\u015ft’\u00fcme gelince, dostlar\u0131mdan hangisi onda ho\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fclmeyen, ama neyse ki hepten zarars\u0131z bir kendini be\u011fenmi\u015flikten daha \u00e7o\u011funu buldu… Tam on y\u0131l: Almanya’da hi\u00e7 kimse benim ad\u0131m\u0131, o i\u00e7ine g\u00f6m\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fc anlams\u0131z suskuya kar\u015f\u0131 savunmay\u0131 kendine dert edinmedi. Bu i\u015f i\u00e7in yeterince y\u00fcrekli olan, burnu koku alabilen, s\u00f6zde dostlar\u0131ma kar\u015f\u0131 \u00f6fkeye kap\u0131lan, ilk kez bir yabanc\u0131, bir Danimarkal\u0131 oldu… Psikologlu\u011funu b\u00f6ylelikle bir kez daha g\u00f6steren Dr. Georg Drandes’in (-1842\/1927- Danimarkal\u0131 yaz\u0131n tarih\u00e7isi, ele\u015ftirmeci.) ge\u00e7en bahar Kopenhag’da verdi\u011fi gibisinden dersler, hangi Alman \u00fcniversitesinde olacak \u015feydir?- Ben kendi pay\u0131ma hi\u00e7 bunlar\u0131n ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7ekmedim; beni yaralamaz zorunlu olan, amor fati benim yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131n \u00f6z\u00fcd\u00fcr. Ama bu benim alay\u0131, hem de evrensel alay\u0131 sevmedi\u011fimi g\u00f6stermez. \u0130\u015fte bu y\u00fczden, de\u011ferleri yenileyi\u015fin o yak\u0131p y\u0131k\u0131c\u0131, yery\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc sars\u0131nt\u0131ya bo\u011facak y\u0131ld\u0131r\u0131mdan iki y\u0131l kadar \u00f6nce, “Wagner Olay\u0131”n\u0131 d\u00fcnyaya u\u011furlad\u0131m; Almanlar benim \u00fcst\u00fcme bir kez daha yan\u0131l\u0131p, adlar\u0131n\u0131 bengi, \u00f6l\u00fcms\u00fcz k\u0131ls\u0131nlar diye’ Anca vakit var buna! -\u0130stedi\u011fim oldu mu?- Hem de en al\u00e2 s\u0131, bay Cermenler! Hayranl\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131 sunar\u0131m sizlere…<\/p>\n
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\nI
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\nBa\u015f\u0131ma gelece\u011fi biliyorum. Bir g\u00fcn korkun\u00e7 bir\u015feyin an\u0131s\u0131yla birlikte s\u00f6ylenecek benim ad\u0131m, -yery\u00fcz\u00fcnde e\u015fi g\u00f6r\u00fclmemi\u015f bir bunlu\u011fun, en derin bulun\u00e7 \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131n , o g\u00fcne dek inan\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, istenmi\u015f, kutsalla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ne varsa, hepsine kar\u015f\u0131 y\u00f6neltilecek bir son s\u00f6z\u00fcn an\u0131s\u0131yla. \u0130nsan de\u011filim ben, dinamitim. B\u00fct\u00fcn bunlara kar\u015f\u0131n, din kurucular\u0131n\u0131 ad\u0131r\u0131r bir yan\u0131m yok, -dinler ayaktak\u0131m\u0131 i\u015fidir; dindar birine dokununca, ard\u0131ndan ellerimi y\u0131kamam gerektir. \u201c\u0130nananlar\u201d istemiyorum; kendi kendime inanmak i\u00e7in bile biraz \u00e7ok\u00e7a hay\u0131n\u0131m san\u0131yorum; y\u0131\u011f\u0131nlara de\u011fil benim konu\u015fmam… G\u00fcn\u00fcn birinde beni ermi\u015fler kat\u0131na koyacaklar diye \u00f6d\u00fcm kopuyor: Anl\u0131yorsunuz ya, bu kitab\u0131 \u00f6nceden \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131yorum ki, ilerde benim ad\u0131ma ahmakl\u0131klar yapmas\u0131nlar. Ermi\u015f olmak istemem, soytar\u0131 olay\u0131m daha iyi… Belki \u00f6yleyimdir de. Buna kar\u015f\u0131n, daha do\u011frusu, daha do\u011frusu kar\u015f\u0131n de\u011fil -ermi\u015flerden daha iyi doland\u0131r\u0131c\u0131 gelmemi\u015ftir \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc, -do\u011frular \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor benim a\u011fz\u0131mdan. Ama benim do\u011frular\u0131m korkun\u00e7tur: Bug\u00fcne dek yalana do\u011fru dediler \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. -T\u00fcm de\u011ferlerin yenilenmesi: \u0130nsanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n en y\u00fcce bir kendine geli\u015f eylemine -ki bende cisim bulmu\u015f, deha olmu\u015ftur- takt\u0131\u011f\u0131m ad budur i\u015fte. Talihim b\u00f6yle istiyor, ilk namuslu insan ben olmal\u0131y\u0131m, binlerce y\u0131ll\u0131k yalan dolana kar\u015f\u0131 durmal\u0131y\u0131m kendimi… Yalan\u0131n yalan oldu\u011funu duyup… koklamakla, do\u011fruyu ilk bulan ben oldum… Burun deliklerimdedir benim deh\u00e2m. \u015eimdiye dek hi\u00e7 kimse benim durdu\u011fum gibi kar\u015f\u0131 durmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r ya, gene de yads\u0131yan bir kafan\u0131n tam tersiyim ben. \u015eimdiye dek e\u015fi gelmemi\u015f bir mu\u015ftucuyum; \u015fimdiye dek kavram\u0131 bile olmayan, \u00f6ylesine y\u00fcksek \u00f6devler biliyorum; ancak benimle birlikte umut ba\u011flan\u0131yor gene. B\u00f6ylece, zorunlu olarak y\u0131k\u0131m getirici bir adam\u0131m ben. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc do\u011fru binlerce y\u0131ll\u0131k yalanla kavgaya tutu\u015funca, kimsenin akl\u0131ndan bile ge\u00e7irmedi\u011fi depremler, sars\u0131nt\u0131lar g\u00f6rece\u011fiz; da\u011f, koyak birbirine kar\u0131\u015facak. Siyasa kavram\u0131 o g\u00fcn bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler sava\u015f\u0131 i\u00e7inde hepten yitip gidecek; eski toplumun t\u00fcm siyasal kurumlar\u0131 havaya u\u00e7acak, -\u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc yalan \u00fcst\u00fcne kurulmu\u015f topu da. Yery\u00fcz\u00fcnde ilk benimle ba\u015flad\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fck siyasa.<\/p>\n
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\n\u0130nsan k\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131na girmi\u015f b\u00f6yle bir yazg\u0131 nas\u0131l m\u0131 dile getirilir? -Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcmde bulursunuz.
\nHer kim iyi ve k\u00f6t\u00fc\u2019de yarat\u0131c\u0131 olmak ister, en \u00f6nce bir yokedici olmal\u0131, de\u011ferleri par\u00e7alamal\u0131d\u0131r.
\nEn y\u00fcksek k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fck b\u00f6ylece en y\u00fcksek iyili\u011fe girer: Bunun da ad\u0131na yarat\u0131c\u0131l\u0131k denir.<\/p>\n
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\nTam da benim, ilk t\u00f6resizcinin a\u011fz\u0131nda Zerd\u00fc\u015ft ad\u0131 ne anlama geliyor, sormad\u0131lar bana; sormal\u0131yd\u0131lar: \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc o \u0130ranl\u0131n\u0131n tarihteki korkun\u00e7 benzersizli\u011fini yapan \u015fey, benimkinin tam tersidir. \u0130yi ile k\u00f6t\u00fc aras\u0131ndaki kavgan\u0131n, d\u00fcnyan\u0131n gidi\u015fini sa\u011flayan as\u0131l \u00e7ark oldu\u011funu Zerd\u00fc\u015ft g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc ilk, -t\u00f6re\u2019nin ger\u00e7ek g\u00fc\u00e7, neden, ama\u00e7 olarak metafizik alana aktar\u0131lmas\u0131 onun i\u015fidir. Ama zaten i\u00e7inde sakl\u0131d\u0131r bu sorunun yan\u0131t\u0131. Zerd\u00fc\u015ft bu en belal\u0131 yan\u0131lg\u0131y\u0131, t\u00f6reyi yaratm\u0131\u015ft\u0131: Onu ilk tan\u0131yan da kendisi olmal\u0131 dolay\u0131s\u0131yla. Burada her d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrden daha \u00e7ok ve uzun g\u00f6rg\u00fcs\u00fc olmas\u0131 de\u011fil yaln\u0131z -tarih ba\u015ftanba\u015fa o \u201ct\u00f6rel d\u00fcnya d\u00fczeni\u201d dedikleri ilkenin deneysel \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fct\u00fclmesidir-, daha da \u00f6nemlisi, t\u00fcm d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrlerin en d\u00fcr\u00fcst\u00fcd\u00fcr Zerd\u00fc\u015ft. Onun \u00f6\u011fretisinde -ve yaln\u0131z orada, d\u00fcr\u00fcstl\u00fck en y\u00fcksek erdemdir, yani ger\u00e7ek \u00f6n\u00fcnde tabanlar\u0131 ya\u011flayan \u201c\u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fc\u201d korkakl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131d\u0131r; Zerd\u00fc\u015ft \u00f6b\u00fcr d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrlerin topundan daha y\u00fcreklidir. Do\u011fruyu s\u00f6ylemek ve iyi ok atmak, budur Pers erdemi. -Bilmem anl\u0131yor musunuz?… T\u00f6re\u2019nin, d\u00fcr\u00fcst oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in, kendi kendini yenmesi, t\u00f6recinin ise tam kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131na -yani buna- d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fmesi… Budur benim a\u011fz\u0131mda Zerd\u00fc\u015ft ad\u0131n\u0131n anlam\u0131.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nAsl\u0131nda iki yads\u0131ma girer t\u00f6resizci s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcn i\u00e7ine. Bir yandan, \u015fimdiye dek en y\u00fcksek say\u0131lan bir insan t\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fc, iyileri, iyilik isteyenleri, iyilik yapanlar\u0131 yads\u0131yorum; \u00f6te yandan, ger\u00e7ek t\u00f6re diye ge\u00e7erli ve egemen olan bir t\u00f6reyi, d\u00e9cadence t\u00f6resini, daha somut deyimiyle H\u0131ristiyan t\u00f6resini yads\u0131yorum. Bu ikinci yads\u0131may\u0131 daha \u00f6nemlisi olarak saymakla yan\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmam; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc toptan d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcl\u00fcnce, iyili\u011fe, iyilikseverli\u011fe verilen a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 de\u011fer, zaten d\u00e9cadence\u2019\u0131n sonucu, bir g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fczl\u00fck belirtisi, geli\u015fip serpilen, olumlayan ya\u015famla bir uzla\u015fmazl\u0131k olarak g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyor bana: Olumlamak i\u00e7in yads\u0131mak ve yoketmek gerektir. -\u0130lk olarak iyi insan\u0131n psikolojisi \u00fczerinde duraca\u011f\u0131m. Bir insan t\u00fcr\u00fcne de\u011fer bi\u00e7mek i\u00e7in, onun s\u00fcr\u00fcp gitmesi nelere maloluyor, bunu hesaplamal\u0131d\u0131r, -varolu\u015f ko\u015fullar\u0131n\u0131 bilmelidir onun. \u0130yilerin varolu\u015f ko\u015fulu ile yaland\u0131r: Ba\u015fka bir deyimle, ger\u00e7e\u011fin asl\u0131nda ne t\u00fcrl\u00fc oldu\u011funu her ne pahas\u0131na olursa olsun g\u00f6rmek istememektir; oysa ger\u00e7ek hep iyiliksever i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcleri gerektirecek, hele o beceriksiz, iyi ellerin ikide bir kendi i\u015fine kar\u0131\u015fmas\u0131na g\u00f6z yumacak cinsten de\u011fildir: Genel olarak her t\u00fcrl\u00fc tehlike durumunu bir itiraz, ortadan kald\u0131r\u0131lmas\u0131 gereken bir\u015fey saymak , e\u015fsiz bir b\u00f6nl\u00fckt\u00fcr: Bir y\u0131k\u0131m, korkun\u00e7 bir aptall\u0131kt\u0131r, -insan\u0131n yoksullara ac\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in k\u00f6t\u00fc havay\u0131 ortadan kald\u0131rmak istemesi gibi aptalca nerdeyse… B\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcn b\u00fcy\u00fck tutumlulu\u011fu i\u00e7inde, ger\u00e7e\u011fin (tutkularda, isteklerde, g\u00fc\u00e7 isteminde) her t\u00fcrl\u00fc korkun\u00e7lu\u011fu, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck mutlulu\u011fun her t\u00fcrl\u00fcs\u00fcnden \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fclmez derecede daha zorunludur; bu sonuncusu i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fc aldatmacas\u0131yla gerektirildi\u011finden, ona herhangi bir ya\u015fam hakk\u0131 tan\u0131mak i\u00e7in, \u00fcstelik ho\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fcr olmal\u0131 insan. Ba\u015ftanba\u015fa tarih boyunca iyimserli\u011fin, o homines optimi do\u011furtmas\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fclere s\u0131\u011fmayan \u00fcrk\u00fcn\u00e7 sonu\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 kan\u0131tlamak i\u00e7in b\u00fcy\u00fck bir f\u0131rsat ge\u00e7ecek elime. \u0130yimserin de k\u00f6t\u00fcmser kadar d\u00e9cadent, belki daha bile zararl\u0131 oldu\u011funu ilk kavrayan Zerd\u00fc\u015ft \u015f\u00f6yle diyor: Do\u011fruyu s\u00f6ylemez hi\u00e7 iyi insanlar. Yanl\u0131\u015f k\u0131y\u0131lar, yanl\u0131\u015f g\u00fcvenlikler \u00f6\u011fretti iyiler size; iyilerin yalanlar\u0131 i\u00e7inde do\u011fdunuz, oralara s\u0131\u011f\u0131nd\u0131n\u0131z. Her\u015fey ta k\u00f6k\u00fcne dek yalana bo\u011fuldu, e\u011fretildi iyilerin eliyle. Bereket versin, d\u00fcnya yaln\u0131zca o koyun s\u00fcr\u00fcs\u00fcne darac\u0131k bir mutluluk sa\u011flayacak i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcler g\u00f6z \u00f6n\u00fcne al\u0131narak kurulmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r; herkesin de \u201ciyi insan\u201d, s\u00fcr\u00fcde koyun, mavi g\u00f6zl\u00fc, iyiliksever, \u201cince duygulu\u201d, -ya da Bay Herbert Spencer\u2019in diledi\u011fi \u00fczre, \u00f6zgeci olmas\u0131n\u0131 istemek, varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n b\u00fcy\u00fck yan\u0131n\u0131 almak, insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u011fdi\u015f etmek, sa\u00e7masapan bir oyun derekesine indirmek olurdu. -Ve bunu yapmaya da kalkt\u0131lar!… Buydu i\u015fte t\u00f6re dedikleri… Zerd\u00fc\u015ft iyilere bu anlamda kimi zaman \u201csonuncu insanlar\u201d, kimi zaman da \u201csonun ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131\u201d der; her\u015feyden \u00f6nce de, onlar\u0131 en zararl\u0131 insan t\u00fcr\u00fc sayar, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc hem do\u011frunun, hem de gelece\u011fin s\u0131rt\u0131ndan s\u00fcrd\u00fcr\u00fcrler ya\u015famalar\u0131n\u0131.
\n\u0130yiler. -bir \u015fey yaratamaz onlar, sonun ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131d\u0131rlar hep- yeni levhalar \u00fcst\u00fcne yeni de\u011ferler yazan\u0131 \u00e7arm\u0131ha gererler, gelece\u011fi kurban ederler kendileri i\u00e7in, t\u00fcm insan gelece\u011fini \u00e7arm\u0131ha gererler! \u0130yiler-onlar sonun ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131yd\u0131lar hep…
\nBu d\u00fcnyaya kara \u00e7alanlar\u0131n ne denli zarar\u0131 dokunsa da, zararlar\u0131n en zararl\u0131s\u0131d\u0131r iyilerin zararlar\u0131.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nZerd\u00fc\u015ft iyinin ilk psikologu, -dolay\u0131s\u0131yla- k\u00f6t\u00fcn\u00fcn de dostudur. D\u00e9cadence t\u00fcr\u00fc insan en y\u00fcksek de\u011fer kat\u0131na y\u00fckseltilmi\u015fse, bu yaln\u0131zca onun kar\u015f\u0131t t\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcn, g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc, ya\u015famas\u0131 kesin insan t\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcn zarar\u0131na olmu\u015ftur. S\u00fcr\u00fc hayvan\u0131 en ar\u0131k erdemin \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7inde par\u0131ld\u0131yorsa, o zaman ayr\u0131k insan de\u011ferce a\u015fa\u011f\u0131lanm\u0131\u015f, k\u00f6t\u00fc sayr\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmal\u0131d\u0131r. Yalanc\u0131l\u0131k her ne pahas\u0131na olursa olsun, kendi g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f bi\u00e7imini anlatmak i\u00e7in \u201cdo\u011fru\u201d s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne g\u00f6z koymu\u015fsa, as\u0131l do\u011fru ki\u015fiyi en k\u00f6t\u00fc adlar alt\u0131nda bulabiliriz yeniden. Zerd\u00fc\u015ft bu konuda hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcphe b\u0131rakm\u0131yor: S\u00f6yledi\u011fine g\u00f6re, insano\u011flu onu \u00fcrk\u00fcye salm\u0131\u015fsa, iyileri, \u201cen iyileri\u201d tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7inmi\u015f bu d\u00fcped\u00fcz; bu tiksinmeden do\u011fmu\u015f onun kanatlar\u0131, \u201co uzak geleceklere s\u00fcz\u00fclmesi i\u00e7in\u201d -a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a s\u00f6yl\u00fcyor, onun insan \u00f6rne\u011fi, g\u00f6reli bir \u00fcstinsan \u00f6rne\u011fi, tam da iyilere oranla insan\u00fcst\u00fcd\u00fcr; iyiler ve do\u011frular onun \u00fcstinsan\u2019\u0131na \u015feytan derlerdi…
\nSiz, g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn rastlad\u0131\u011f\u0131 en y\u00fcksek insanlar, budur benim sizden ku\u015fkum ve i\u00e7imden g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm: Benim \u00fcstinsan\u0131ma korkar\u0131m siz… \u015feytan derdiniz!
\nRuhunuz b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011fe \u00f6ylesine yabanc\u0131 ki, \u00fcstinsan korkun\u00e7 gelirdi size iyili\u011fi i\u00e7inde…
\nZerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn ne yapmak istedi\u011fini kavramak i\u00e7in, ba\u015fka yerden de\u011fil, buradan ba\u015flamal\u0131d\u0131r i\u015fe: Onun tasarlad\u0131\u011f\u0131 t\u00fcrd\u00fcn insan, ger\u00e7e\u011fi oldu\u011fu gibi tasarlar: Buna yetecek g\u00fc\u00e7tedir, -ona yabanc\u0131la\u015fm\u0131\u015f, ondan kopmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r; onun ta kendisidir, en korkun\u00e7, en sorunsal yan\u0131n\u0131 da i\u00e7inde ta\u015f\u0131r, -ve ancak b\u00f6ylelikle b\u00fcy\u00fck olabilir insan…<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\n-Ama t\u00f6resizci s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc ba\u015fka bir anlamda da kendime bir arma, bir onur simgesi yapt\u0131m; beni insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n geri kalan\u0131ndan se\u00e7ip ay\u0131ran bu ad\u0131mla \u00f6v\u00fcn\u00fcyorum. \u015eimdiye dek hi\u00e7 kimse H\u0131ristiyan t\u00f6resini kendinden a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 duymam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r: Bunun i\u00e7in bir y\u00fckseklik, bir uzak g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fl\u00fcl\u00fck, hi\u00e7 duyulmam\u0131\u015f, ba\u015f d\u00f6nd\u00fcr\u00fcc\u00fc bir psikolojik derinlik gerekliydi. H\u0131ristiyan t\u00f6resi bug\u00fcne dek t\u00fcm d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrlerin Kirke\u2019siydi, -onun hizmetindeydi hepsi de.- Bu t\u00fcr \u00fclk\u00fcn\u00fcn, d\u00fcnyada kara \u00e7alman\u0131n o a\u011fulu solu\u011fu s\u0131zan ma\u011faralara benden \u00f6nce var m\u0131 inen? Benden \u00f6nce feylosoflar\u0131n aras\u0131nda \u201cy\u00fcksek doland\u0131r\u0131c\u0131\u201d, \u201c\u00fclk\u00fcc\u00fc\u201d de\u011fil de, onlar\u0131n tam tersi, psikolog olan biri var m\u0131yd\u0131 hi\u00e7? Psikoloji diye bir \u015fey yoktu benden \u00f6nce. -Burada ilk olmak bir karg\u0131\u015ft\u0131r belki de; ama kesin olarak bir yazg\u0131d\u0131r. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmseyenlerin de ilki olur insan… \u0130nsandan tiksinmedir benim tehlikem…<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\nAnlad\u0131n\u0131z m\u0131 beni? -Geri kalan insanl\u0131kla aramdaki s\u0131n\u0131r\u0131 \u00e7izen, bana ayr\u0131 bir yer veren \u015fey, H\u0131ristiyan t\u00f6resini bulmu\u015f olmamd\u0131r. Bu y\u00fczden, teker teker herkese meydan okuma anlam\u0131n\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131yan bir s\u00f6zc\u00fck gerekiyordu bana. Bu konuda g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc daha \u00f6nce a\u00e7mam\u0131\u015f olmak, bence insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n en b\u00fcy\u00fck y\u00fcz karas\u0131, en b\u00fcy\u00fck kabahatidir; i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fc olmu\u015f bir kendini aldatma, hi\u00e7bir olay\u0131, nedenselli\u011fi, ger\u00e7e\u011fi g\u00f6rmemeyi kafaya koymak, yanl\u0131\u011fa kar\u015f\u0131 g\u00f6zleri k\u00f6r olmak, c\u00fcrm\u00fcn daniskas\u0131d\u0131r; ya\u015fama kar\u015f\u0131 i\u015flenmi\u015f bir c\u00fcr\u00fcmd\u00fcr… Bin y\u0131llar, uluslar -en eskileri de, en yenileri de-, feylosoflar ve kocakar\u0131lar, -tarihin d\u00f6rt be\u015f \u00e2n\u0131 d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda, ki ben alt\u0131nc\u0131s\u0131y\u0131m-, hepsi bu konuda birbirlerine pek yara\u015f\u0131rlar. H\u0131ristiyan bug\u00fcne dek \u201ct\u00f6rel yarat\u0131k\u201dd\u0131, benzersiz bir antikayd\u0131, -ve \u201ct\u00f6rel yarat\u0131k\u201d olarak da, insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 en hor g\u00f6ren kimsenin bile akl\u0131ndan ge\u00e7irmeyece\u011fi kadar sa\u00e7ma, yalanc\u0131, bo\u015f gururlu, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesiz ve kendine zararl\u0131yd\u0131. H\u0131ristiyan t\u00f6resi, yalan isteminin en hay\u0131nca bi\u00e7imi, insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n ger\u00e7ek Kirke\u2019si: Onu do\u011fru yoldan \u00e7\u0131karan. Bunu g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde t\u00fcylerimi diken diken eden \u015fey, yan\u0131lg\u0131n\u0131n kendisi de\u011fil, onun \u00fcst\u00fcn gelmesiyle a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f o d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce alan\u0131ndaki binlerce y\u0131ll\u0131k \u201ciyi niyet\u201d, kendini s\u0131k\u0131ya sokma, yol yordam bilme, y\u00fcreklilik eksikli\u011fi de\u011fil, -ama do\u011fa eksikli\u011fi, o hepten g\u00fcl\u00fcn\u00e7 olgu, do\u011faya ayk\u0131r\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n t\u00f6re ad\u0131yla en y\u00fcksek sayg\u0131lar\u0131 g\u00f6rmesi, yasa, kesin buyruk olarak insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n tepesine as\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmas\u0131!.. Bu \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde yan\u0131lmak, hem de ki\u015fi olarak, ulus olarak de\u011fil, insanl\u0131k olarak!.. Ya\u015fam\u0131n en ba\u015fta gelen i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fclerini k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmsemeyi \u00f6\u011fretmeleri; bedeni haklamak i\u00e7in bir \u201cruh\u201d bir \u201ctin\u201d uydurmalar\u0131; ya\u015fam\u0131n temel ko\u015fulunu, cinselli\u011fi ay\u0131p bir \u015fey olarak duymay\u0131 \u00f6\u011fretmeleri; serpilip geli\u015fmek i\u00e7in en derinden zorunlu olan \u015feyi, o kat\u0131 bencilli\u011fi -s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn kendisi bile kara \u00e7al\u0131c\u0131- k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fck ilkesi saymalar\u0131; tersine, \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn, i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fc \u00e7eli\u015fmesinin \u00f6rnek belirtilerinde, \u201c\u00e7\u0131kar g\u00f6zetmezlik\u201dte, denge yitiminde, \u201cki\u015filiksizle\u015fme\u201dde, \u201cyak\u0131n\u0131n\u0131 sevmek\u201dte (-yak\u0131n\u0131ma d\u00fc\u015fk\u00fcnl\u00fckte) daha y\u00fcksek de\u011ferleri -ne daha y\u00fckse\u011fi! -ger\u00e7ek de\u011ferleri g\u00f6rmeleri!.. Ne! \u0130nsanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n kendi de d\u00e9cadence i\u00e7inde mi? Hep \u00f6yle miydi? -\u015euras\u0131 kesin ki, ona yaln\u0131z d\u00e9cadence i\u00e7inde mi? Hep \u00f6yle miydi? -\u015euras\u0131 kesin ki, ona yaln\u0131z d\u00e9cadence de\u011ferleri en en y\u00fcksek de\u011ferler olarak \u00f6\u011fretildi. Bencil olmayan t\u00f6re en \u00fcst\u00fcn anlamda bir \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fc\u015f t\u00f6residir; \u201cSizler de \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fcp gitmelisiniz\u201d, -yaln\u0131z buyruk olsa gene iyi!.. \u015eimdiye dek \u00f6\u011fretilen biricik t\u00f6re, bencil olmayan t\u00f6re, bir bitme istemini a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa vurur, derinden derine yads\u0131r ya\u015fam\u0131. Burada bir tek a\u00e7\u0131p kap\u0131 kal\u0131yor, o da kat\u0131na y\u00fckselen H\u0131ristiyan t\u00f6resinde kendilerini ba\u015fa ge\u00e7irecek yolu sezen o asalak insan t\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcn, papazlar\u0131n yozla\u015fm\u0131\u015f olmas\u0131… Ger\u00e7ekten, benim g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm de bu: \u0130nsanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n \u00f6\u011fretmenleri, \u00f6nderleri -ki topu da tanr\u0131bilimciydi- d\u00e9cadent\u2019d\u0131lar hem de; t\u00fcm de\u011ferlerin ya\u015fama d\u00fc\u015fman de\u011ferlere d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr\u00fclmesi i\u015fte bu y\u00fczden, t\u00f6re i\u015fte bu y\u00fczden… T\u00f6re\u2019nin tan\u0131m\u0131: T\u00f6re, d\u00e9cadent\u2019lar\u0131n \u00f6zel tepkisi, -ya\u015famdan \u00f6\u00e7 alma ard d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesiyle ve bunu ba\u015fararak-. Bu tan\u0131ma \u00f6nem veriyorum.<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\n-Anlad\u0131n\u0131z m\u0131 beni? Be\u015f y\u0131l \u00f6nce Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn a\u011fz\u0131ndan s\u00f6ylemedi\u011fim bir tek s\u00f6z yok demin s\u00f6ylediklerim i\u00e7inde. -H\u0131ristiyan t\u00f6resinin a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131lmas\u0131 e\u015fine rastlanmaz bir olayd\u0131r, ger\u00e7ek bir y\u0131k\u0131md\u0131r. Kim bu konuyu ayd\u0131nlatm\u0131\u015fsa, bir force majeure, bir al\u0131nyaz\u0131s\u0131d\u0131r, insanl\u0131k tarihini ikiye b\u00f6ler: Ondan \u00f6nce ya\u015fayanlar, ondan sonra ya\u015fayanlar… Do\u011frunun y\u0131ld\u0131r\u0131m\u0131, \u015fimdiye dek en y\u00fcksekte olan \u015feyin \u00fczerine d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc tam: Orda neyin yan\u0131p k\u00fcl oldu\u011funu kavrayan kimse, elinde avucunda daha bir\u015feyler kalm\u0131\u015f m\u0131, bir de ona bakmal\u0131. Bug\u00fcne dek \u201cdo\u011fru\u201d dedikleri ne varsa, yalan\u0131n en zararl\u0131, en kalle\u015f, en sinsi bi\u00e7imi olarak a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r; o kutsal \u201cs\u00f6zde neden\u201d, insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u201cd\u00fczeltmek\u201d, asl\u0131nda ya\u015fam\u0131n ili\u011fini, kan\u0131n\u0131 emecek bir hile olarak, t\u00f6re bir vampirlik olarak ortaya \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. T\u00f6re\u2019nin ne oldu\u011funu bulan, onunla birlikte, insanlar\u0131n inand\u0131\u011f\u0131, inanm\u0131\u015f oldu\u011funu bulan, onunla birlikte, insanlar\u0131n inand\u0131\u011f\u0131, inanm\u0131\u015f oldu\u011fu t\u00fcm de\u011ferlerin de\u011fersizli\u011fini de bulmu\u015f demektir; insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n en \u00e7ok sayg\u0131 g\u00f6ren, giderek ermi\u015fler kat\u0131na y\u00fckseltilen \u00f6rneklerinde, art\u0131k sayg\u0131ya de\u011fer hi\u00e7bir yan bulmaz, en u\u011fursuz cinsinden sakat do\u011fmu\u015flar olarak g\u00f6r\u00fcr onlar\u0131: U\u011fursuzdular, b\u00fcy\u00fcler \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc… \u201cTanr\u0131\u201d kavram\u0131, ya\u015fama bir kar\u015f\u0131t kavram olarak uydurulmu\u015f, ya\u015fama zararl\u0131, a\u011fulu, kara \u00e7al\u0131c\u0131, onun can d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131 ne varsa hepsi o kavramda bir \u00fcrk\u00fcn\u00e7 birlik olmu\u015ftur! \u201c\u00d6te yan\u201d, \u201cger\u00e7ek d\u00fcnya\u201d kavramlar\u0131, bedeni hor g\u00f6rmek, onu hasta -ermi\u015f- yapmak, ya\u015famda \u00f6nemsemeye de\u011fer ne varsa, beslenme, konut, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce d\u00fczeni, hastalara bakma, temizlik, hava vb. hepsinin kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na \u00fcrk\u00fcn\u00e7 bir umursamazl\u0131k koymak i\u00e7in uydurulmu\u015f! Sa\u011fl\u0131k yerine \u201cruhun sel\u00e2meti\u201d, yani t\u00f6vbe \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131nmalar\u0131 ve kurtulu\u015f isterisi aras\u0131nda gidip gelen bir folie circulaire \u201cG\u00fcnah\u201d kavram\u0131 o kendinden ayr\u0131lmaz i\u015fkence arac\u0131yla, \u201c\u00f6zg\u00fcr istem\u201d kavram\u0131yla birlikte, i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcleri sap\u0131tt\u0131rmak, onlara kar\u015f\u0131 g\u00fcvensizli\u011fi bizde ikinci bir yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f yapmak i\u00e7in uydurulmu\u015f! \u201c\u00c7\u0131kar g\u00f6zetmezlik\u201d ve \u201ckendini yads\u0131ma\u201d kavramlar\u0131 yoluyla, o as\u0131l d\u00e9cadence belirtisi, zararl\u0131 olana do\u011fru e\u011filim, kendine yarayan\u0131 art\u0131k bulamaz olmak kendi kendini y\u0131kmak, ger\u00e7ek de\u011ferin ta kendisi, \u201c\u00f6dev\u201d, \u201cermi\u015flik\u201d insandaki \u201ctanr\u0131sal yan\u201d kat\u0131na y\u00fckseltilmi\u015f! Son olarak -en korkuncu da bu- iyi insan kavram\u0131yla t\u00fcm zay\u0131flar\u0131n, hastalar\u0131n, kusurlular\u0131n, kendi kendinden ac\u0131 \u00e7ekenlerin, yokolmas\u0131 gereken ne varsa hepsinin yan\u0131 tutulmu\u015f, -ay\u0131klama yasas\u0131 \u00e7arm\u0131ha gerilmi\u015f; gururlu, yetkin, olumlayan, gelece\u011fe g\u00fcvenen, gelece\u011fi do\u011frulayan insan\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na bir \u00fclk\u00fc \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, -ona k\u00f6t\u00fc denmi\u015f bundan b\u00f6yle… T\u00f6re diye inanm\u0131\u015flar bunlara da!
\nEcrasez I\u2019nf\u00e2me!-<\/p>\n
\n<\/b>
\n-Anlad\u0131n\u0131z m\u0131 beni?
\n-\u00c7arm\u0131htakine kar\u015f\u0131 Dionysos\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"